My longtime and so empathetic BritBud, Cj and my bff Kristen Balyeat asked me how I can write and sketch so many 'Goofs' after all that I've been through. My Honey's, we all have a little sh*t in us and find our ways of escape; however the road may lead us.
*This from Caroline Jane O'Hanlon after reading in 'Criminal' my "Victims~Too" - Which I would never have written if it hadn't been for the encouragement of our Pastor Randy: "Holy shit Jay. I have no words. I am so very very sorry this happened. How you keep your humour is astonishing, Truly. For what little it is worth you have my love." ❤️
- This may be disturbing to some. If so please delete now: For some reason, I felt the need to share it with y'all.
Like some of you, I normally don't remember my dreams, especially after my nightly meds and I usually don't even remember to get up to pee. But this one I did..! A very bad dream and I tossed and turned the rest of the night because I just couldn't fathom it; where the hell did this come from?
The Dream:
Rita had all sorts of large round tables and chairs setup with strangers playing card games; at least a dozen of them scattered around our gorgeous house. I knew nothing of this and as I came out of the bedroom, half naked from a shower, I just couldn't believe my eyes, such a surprise, I felt my privacy was so invaded. I immediately called the cops and screamed for them to come right over to avoid a highly agitated domestic dispute; which we've never had anything like that before, ever..!
I left her a note on the the halltree table that 'I'm moving out' and how could she possible betray my trust like this?' Certainly very trivial, but there may be a little insight into this dream, as a 'Shrink' might say?
In the note I said that, 'I never Loved anyone as I Love you, I'm very mad-at-you, how could you possibly get yourself murdered like that!' I know that's just a horribly - unimaginable way to even think, but I really was mad at her - still am! She knew the 'killer' co-worker, Keith Green, was noodging and following her around all the time at the dialysis clinic where they worked, in an attempt to get with her, even though he knew she was happily married: The entire staff knew of this. I'd go there several times a week to just bring her lunch. But, she would always say, Quote: "I'm a big girl and can take care of myself." Even though Green was a 6'4 butthead!
After all of this and before the trial. I went to a B.S. Shrink, Dr. Lustiq. I mention his name because our group therapy consisted of an entire list of well known celebrities including R.J. Wagner after the 'murder' of his wife Natalie Wood. Lustiq would just sit there and suck on his pipe thinking he was such a big-shot and taking-in his celebrity group with vigor!
So, why am I picking on him so much. His motto was, Quote: "Sex-Money & Power" and he was surrouded by it: He told me, blatantly, "Don't set Rita up as a Saint, block all of this, it will be easier to forget." My only regret was that I didn't punch-him-in-the-nose after that! How dare him - what a 'Schtunk!' That ended my Shrink sessions!
Am I whining? Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, I am! But, as said, this needed to be told: As the late-great Beach- Boy, Brian Wilson, once sang, "I've been thinking about this far too long!"
Thank you VillageBucket for always having my back..!
— I miss you, Rita Louise —
Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California
'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -
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Jay Kantor
'For The Kids Someday'
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- Victims Too -
Author © Jay Kantor Cold-Case -They Just Didn't Know- Out of respect for families that are "Victims Too" So many families have lifetime memories of not being able to say our GoodByes. This bond between survivors that such tragedies build - I'm so sorry for your loss - Please reach out and show them that you care. Oftentimes the lack of human empathy is the cruelest behavior, and it never goes unnoticed. The focus of this 'Tell-Tale' is how one may be treated by family and friends after a horror that only compounds the tragedy for all the subsequent years.
By Jay Kantor8 months ago in Criminal
Was His Abduction Caused by His Support for the Palestinian Cause or the Theft of Oil?
Was His Abduction Caused by His Support for the Palestinian Cause or the Theft of Oil?** The controversy surrounding the alleged targeting or attempted abduction of Venezuela’s president has sparked intense debate across political and media circles. At the center of this debate lies a critical question: was he targeted because of his outspoken support for the Palestinian cause, or was the real motive an effort to seize control of Venezuela’s vast oil wealth? To understand this issue, it is necessary to examine how ideology and economic interests intersect in modern geopolitics.
By America today 6 days ago in Criminal
Comments (24)
"Don't set Rita up as a Saint, block all of this, it will be easier to forget." After this line profanity spued form my mouth like a gyser at yellowstone. What a douche...My cousin ( who was more of a brother to me) was murdered, why the Fu&k would I wish to forget him. Jay, I always have enjoyed your quirky art as most of the time they give me that smile that is needed. We all cope in our ways and you my friend have found a healthy way of doing so. All my best and keep doing what you do.
Dear Jay, you aren't feeling sorry 4 yourself or whining in this piece; you are just expressing your grief & true emotions. So sorry 4 your loss my friend. Praying 4 comfort 4 you!
I can see how my poem reminded you of your story. It’s clear how deep your love for Rita runs and your humor, even though the pain, is something rare and real. Keep writing, Jay. We’re listening. ❤️
It sad when a professional say and do things that does not match their profession. I up writing empower you.
Punch em good Jay, - he deserves it. I know you I know what you are feeling. I still miss Rick and it has been a decade now. No one will know how you feel except those that have gone through it themselves. I worked mine out by finding a killer, If that is all mental health professionals had to offer, I am glad that I passed.
So sad Jay. I hope you are doing well. I vote for the face punch as well. Blessings.
You should have punched him, but there are so many people like that who are supposed to be helping others. Excellent article
Omgggg, I can't believe that your psychiatrist said that to you! Yes, you should have punched him in the face!
Beautiful artwork, Jay, and such sorrowful words. I am so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry you endured such a callous and rude interaction with someone who's supposed to be a helper in healing
So sad you had to go through all that mate. My deepest sympathy.
Ah, Jay. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story. I'm so sorry for your loss. That shrink is an ass!
J-bud, I'm glad you shared this with us, and very sorry you had to deal with such as ass of a shrink. I can't imagine the range of emotions you have to deal with and I know that there's little solace to be found after such a loss, but I do know that I and your other friends will always be here for you. I'm grateful and proud to know you!
Jay, my friend, I feel for you. Those dreams are a sign that you long for Rita and the wound from her loss has not healed. No one can tell you how to feel and I wish you strength and place in your heart for good memories.
Oh, Jay! I know what a horrible thing that was for him to say. My heart goes out to you. So many hugs from me to you. Sincerely, MC
J-amigo, Ugh, my heart hurts for you 💔Thank you for sharing—I simply cannot imagine the range of emotions that run through you. Grateful to you for entrusting us with your raw human-ness. Here for ya! 🩷
Gosh I’m so sorry. Wishing you all the best 💖
When healing means forgetting, 'tis better never to be healed. Every blessing, my friend.
J - Such a heart wrenching true story. Your dream must have been so upsetting. As I've expressed before, I'm so sorry you went through this trauma! - K
I'm so sorry, J-bud. 💔
J-bud, I'm totally confused, which at my age isn't unusual, but I thought you once said your wife's killer was cancer? Is this a dream or the reality? Hope all is well, Mark
... and I still have no words. ❤️❤️❤️
Jay, I'm so proud of you for getting this (all/some of your stuffed feelings) out! It did take a heaping load of vulnerability on your part and thus the half-naked exposure. I can understand your feelings and support you in them. And I totally agree with you about that shrink...your world had imploded and he was worse than no help at all. He obviously hasn't experienced true love in his life, either. Sounds like he might have been a bit jealous of your relationship with your wife, too. Hugs to you dear friend!
Aw JJ I am so sorry. Psychs in my book are squirmy little barstewards. It must be so difficult and I cannot image anyone ever 'getting over' something so horrific. Please takes care of yous x C. R and the paws underland
What a complex dream, Jay. I love this word that you have introduced me to, "Schtunk!" I will have to remember that one. Nice work!