Jail Journal: Page 9

I remember the flash of devilish spark that Jahon had in his eyes when he made that reel on Instagram. It went through my mind for a second. I am sure we could've had more fun together but we only have one life.

Our love and attention, though boundless in potential, has limited use during our human lifespan. Though I would've really enjoyed invoking the name Reyimbaev in my anger as a title of authority for myself.. I guess I am admitting I did think about his proposal seriously. Enough to form some dreams of what that would entail. That's the thing, I wasn't sure what that would mean.. I tried to be more logical with him but it was like he was just in a rush to do stuff.. Perhaps he is more of a romantic than I expect?

Perhaps I took it toooooo seriously and he was just trying to get me in the sack. Either way, I am sorry that we couldn't figure out when we were together. I feel too naive with whatever thought I have regarding this.

I was also worried that if I kept on with Russian studies, I would forget my Japanese. It is kind of my pride but it is such a lame thing to be proud of...

I had sort of Christmas theme'd dream. It involved Jahon getting a townhouse for use to live in and he was remodeling it. The railing for the walkway over the front door wasn't built yet so it felt dangerous. After that we sort of teleported to a train or something and had sex.

In the dream his dick sort of dettached afterwards but it wasn't painful for him. I also saw Damir (A Kazhak photographer I used to know) I don't remember the details of why but it kind of involved a "Seventh Heaven" sort of scenario where there were was a lady with 14 kids and they lived in a church we were at. It was some sort of grand abbey, with a courtyard and such. One nun was talking about the daily budget for milk alone was like 25 dollars a day.

I am so glad when Lily left. She left her writing tablet here and her eraser block which was more useful to me than all the food she left the small one, Jordyn.

Last night was too chaotic. Amy was arguing with someone on the phone and broke up or something until 11pm. I felt sorry for Alex. She was having some sort of schizophrenic episode in the corner, probably triggers similarly to me about the whole situation. She also moved her bunk closer to me so, I think that speaks for itself.

I am spending all of today converting the tissues to the actual paper Lily left. I decided that the stimuli of the whole discussions was too much and my body deserved a rest. I just laid in the bunk for the rest of the day with the blanket over my head.

The visions i got from this action were terrifying though: I saw the Sephirot displayed to me as stacked theater stages, all on top of eachother as if it were a storybuilding. For whatever reason there were captions in my dreams as well but I couldn't read it as it shuffled from arabic to hebrew, neither in which I can read phonetically or otherwise.

I gathered that it might be some sort of praises of god or something as there were like cherubs and other sort of ghostly angels.

For whatever reason my mind went to my sister in law, Jessica and felt some sort of revelation or prophecy: A dark conception was made and the image of a fetus in a womb went through my mind and across my face. I also heard about a conspiracy around 5 deaths.