Jail Journal: Page 14

No idea why I am just focused on food right now but, I guess it is best marker for what portion to he day were in. Hopefully I start my period and that'll explain the sudden cravings. Otherwise, I'm pregnant and that is horrible to imagine being in a place like this.

Talking Deebeelynn is nice. She's pretty mellow and she's pretty intelligent, her life revolves around horses so she's probably living comfortably outside of here. Horses are money, for sure. She has a bit of a twang which was confirmed when she said she was from Texas originally. Her daughter is also a creative so, I asked for her Instagram.

I think there is kind of a hesitancy there because she's gay but, I mean when it comes to art, I don't care. I could see her trying to set me up with her or something though which would be creepy.

Jordyn left last night, I am really happy for her but selfishly I wish I could have drawn her picture before she left. I could probably look her up after I leave here but maybe that wouldn't be a good idea since I'd then also know why she's in here. Same with Lily.

She left a pile of food, mostly cakes she was trying to eat. She told me every day that she needed to eat ever 2 hours to bulk up. She also told me of her drug use which I always felt was so sad because, past the pock marks and missing teeth, she is a pretty girl, petite and blonde with huge blue eyes.

It is surreal I am in jail. I just kind of take it day by day but, it is teaching me it really doesn't matter what people think of you because there is always better and there is always worse.

After she left, people were already betting on when she'll use drugs again. Maybe she will but I felt it was sort of low to be like that. I mean, I am not super invested in anyone in here to wish them ill will or good will either way.

Everyone invited me to an AA meeting but I am not addicted to substances. If being online is an addiction I'd probably go but, I am kind of glad everyone went to that group so I could enjoy the GP all to myself.

I am a bit afraid of sleeping after that last vision I had. This might sound funny but also after hugging Jordyn when she left. I saved a poem she wrote talking about the crimson of her sins so, I am worried about demons being transferred to me in the Ether from that physical contact.

Basically, I didn't want a John Coffee scenario from The Green Mile and suffer for a moment of compassion.

I just have to remember my life will be better once I get out of this mess. This is just a moment in time and it will soon be done. I think this is definitely a trial by fire. I am almost ready to go to sleep.

Amy is so fucking annoying with her fucking Jerry Springer bullshit. She'll talk on the phone from 8am to 11pm. It is like vocal terrorism. The only comfort I have on the matter is knowing I am not the only one annoyed with her.

For breakfast tomorrow I think I'll eat my commissary food; ramen and potato chips. I really got to think about the whole project thing and just being productive, but I am understanding why her boyfriend or whoever is driven to drink. I am going to use my frustration and inability to sleep with the screaming match she is in on the phone---

Now she is watching fucking Jersery Shore. What. The. Fuck. I mean, we all had to endure her stupid shit now we got to have her 'destress' to even more dramatic skank shit? She is fucking disgusting to me now. I had to jump on the remote when she went back on the phone to change that shit. It is like revving up from 60 to 160.

Hopefully my breakfast will make up for all this bullshit. I mean, fuck. She's wasting her family's money with her mouth just blabbing all the god damn time with maybe only like 1.4% substance to it.

I keep looking at the picture I drew of Yuuichirou and just thinking,

Stay Stoic. Don't fight the bitch. Stay Shibui...