Jail Journal: Page 1

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough common sense to date all the tissues I wrote on while incarcerated so, the beginning of this series might be chronologically out of order, but I have managed to write up to 79 pages throughout my stay in jail. To clarify, I was in there for a misdemeanor for harassment so, didn't hurt anyone majorly. I was in custody for 39 days and kept my time by continuing to write. It was sort of my blessing and curse.

I will be making a series of those notes while being there detailing mostly my dreams and daily thoughts while being in there so, it is quite benign. If anyone interested, feel free to read.

Jail isn't quite so bad actually, other than the crappy food. It's like a bunch of cats living together in a shelter; Just a huge gymnasium sort of setting, full of women. It would be great if I got out before the 24-27th so I can avoid some of the money issues I am worried about. Today is the first day I've felt true boredom in the 12 days I've been in here.

I decided to still keep a 'Human Tasks' of the things I'll do when I get out of here on some paper I bought through commissary. The list is already going up into December, haha. (hope I am not here that long). I can't really think too much of anything though, my mind feels like mush in here. It helps to write as if I am not limited to this room.

I tried going to bed but I overwhelmed myself with a scenario of me going to the Netherlands to see my first boyfriend Ken one last time. You know, we only live once so, that felt like a deep wish from my soul. I don't know if I'll be able to but, it is worth at least trying.

Probably won't meet him until I am an old lady but, I think I need a goal in my life again. I don't feel like I have any right now and I don't know what waits for me out of here.

I need to be more serious about getting back in shape/being healthy and taking the Human Tasks more seriously. I need to be relentless in achieving these goals; not try, but do.

Ah, the handsome guard has returned. I don't know if it is his subtle distain for everyone here that gives him some sort of smolder or if i is the charcoal black eyes of his. He reminds me of Gutz from Berserk, this "Bear".

Tuesday I woke up strange. I didn't feel well and missed breakfast which they give us at 5 am and it didn't help that lunch and dinner also fell into the "Pig Slop" or "Dirt Poor, No Spice Rack" category. On good days we get at least "Cheap TV Dinner", but not today.

Two new girls came into GP(General Population/The 'gym') Deebee and Amy. I was bored and saw that there was a pretty beaten up set of playing cards on the table where all the kites(request papers) were. I decided to offer some girls a "reading" as if they were tarot cards.

Brooklynn, a pretty swarthy girl 28 year older with half of her brown curly hair shaved down to the skin on the side with slight pock marks asked if her fiancé, who she cheated on, would take her back. The cards said he wasn't receptive but his mom actually still thought well of her.

Jordyn, another meth-user with a stickily figure and only a handful of teeth in her mouth asked if she should go find her skinhead boyfriend and little dog in the city when she gets out. The cards said that was probably in her best interest.

Amy asked if she should be with Steven or Oscar, the cards said Steven is very unstable but it looked slightly better with Oscar. Either way though, she went and called Steven. Later I found out Steven is her brother so, it makes sense. She also asked about her mom and if she'd see her before she died. The cards didn't look too good in this regard. I almost felt like crying for her and I got a card indicating that she'd at least get some closure before she passed. I told her I'd pray they're wrong.