I Thought He Would Kill Us

I was only 12 when he broke into the room and began slapping my sisters face, blood soaking his hands and forearms where he had cut himself. He reeked of liquor and had a wild look in his eyes. I sat up in bed and begged him not to hurt us, and just as I did, he noticed my mother who had just come out of the bathroom. Let's dance mama, he said as he grabbed her and began twirling her around with his bloody hands. She somehow managed to get away from him and motioned for us to come over by her. We hurried and the three of us ran into the bathroom and locked the door, and then began screaming for all we were worth. There had been a large knife on the table and our biggest fear was that he would find it and break down the door.

We heard a commotion, and then silence, and the next thing we heard was my father's voice telling us it was okay to come out of the bathroom, the bad man was gone. My mother slowly opened the door and saw it was indeed my father and nobody else was in the room, so she brought us out. I was traumatized, realizing somebody could simply walk into your motel room and attack you without reason. Mom wanted to know when the car repairs would be done so we could leave the motel and go home, but it was going to be another few days, maybe a week my dad told her.

I sat down on the bed where my sister and I had been sleeping when the man broke in and stared at the red droplets of blood that were painted across the white sheets.He had been drinking, he reeked, and he could have snapped my sister's neck so easily. I felt a cold chill go through me and turned away from the blood to see my family staring at me. I seemed to be the one who had suffered the most from the traumatic incident, maybe because I was younger, I'm not sure, but I do know I now have PTSD. I was diagnosed after a long period of refusing to come out of my room when we got home, not to mention I didn't speak one word to anybody on the way. I felt as though I was continuing to live those moments over and over again, and fear rocketed through me every time I thought about it. I felt numb inside, and I wanted to cry out to my parents and oppose every single thing they had ever done in their lives, and why I don't know.

The doctor said I should stop experiencing symptoms in about six months at the most, but it had been almost a year now and I was still staying to myself, not wanting to be around others, and opposing everything my parents said or wanted. I had started to drink, too, an occasional nip in the evening after my parents went to bed and I knew they were asleep. It relaxed me and made me feel stronger.

When I was 14, I finally took my own life. Now I wish I had tried counseling or something constructive, but I couldn't take the pain any longer.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is very real, and can happen to adults and children any time they encounter severe violence, death, or an unwanted sexual encounter. It is normal to feel distressed and upset for a certain period of time after an incident, but if the time continues to linger, then the person experiencing the symptoms most likely has PTSD. Adults are more likely to be hypervigilant, easily startled, easily angered, have flashbacks, have trouble sleeping, and have difficulty in their relationships, to name a few symptoms. Adolescents and children tend to be oppositional, to disassociate, turn to drugs and alcohol, obsess with video games, and practice self-harm. In any event, counseling is needed along with medication to prevent the person from doing themselves or others harm. PTSD is a serious mental health condition.