Word of the Day: 箒

It is night time. I am adequately fed and bathed. I am listening to music I like, I sort of feel like doing something fun. I don't really have the time to do that but I guess, this seems to be the night to do it.

With my apartment cleaned, it feels like home. I feel like I should be more intentional with the music I am choosing right now. Since I feel free in these moments, i can actually go back to any point in time. Would I go back to when I met Kenta?... it was like a manga. We told eachother we would meet each other at the libary. He was browsing the books and I walked up to him shyly. I couldn't believe it was him. I was so happy. I touched his chin to feel the stubble on it. He was so handsome for me. He held my hand so much, he was my first everything. I can't even remember what we argued about that led us to splitting up but I think it was me being too anxiously attached. I didn't get to achieve any of the things I wanted. I was so disappointed in myself. He tried to cheer me on but we were both kids so... I guess it was doomed to fail. I don't regret it though.

I was in the Pleasure realm for too long and started crying. I really shouldn't but I am making myself a snack. maybe I'll close shop up for the day after that.

The slight headache is making me have a hard time sleeping, I almost think maybe I should try doing something out here for a bit before trying to sleep. But the day passing by is a blessing.

A part of me, is reluctant to listen to Japanese again because of the memories that might come back to me. I am not taking medication right now so, there is no barrier between me and those things. The only way I see it working out this way is to be very deliberate in my emotions.

I am not saying that I should suppress them but, I don't see the crying I did in the pleasure realm really that bad of a thing, really.

I officially ate too much today. That will be a day without food moreorless but, I guess that is doable if I keep brewing the oi ocha packets.

I burnt the top of my mouth and it formed a blister in the back of it. It feels really weird, I keep playing with it with my tongue.

I just realized I am free to be silly if I want to. I don't have to be stuck being so stoic. I will leave the windows open. I don't see any stars so it must be cloudy right now. I want to see the rain if that is the case.

I woke up pretty rested. Yes I am still itching a bit but it isn't as bad as the other day. Or maybe I am just used to itching now.

I still need to make the powerpoint but now that I know it is simply 1 slide and not a whole slideshow makes it easier. The last thing I need to do for school is buying the books. I am waiting until my SSI comes in, I was hoping I would be paid on the 24 ( earliest time ) but it might come as late as the 27th.

I have an appointment at 1pm today so that is the only thing I need to worry about now.