Word of the Day:お母さん

I had a pretty good day with my mom, she did my laundry, made kalua pork and dyed my hair. Don't worry, I pay her for all these things but I do appreciate she does them. Not only that we watched the Coneheads.

I am oddly hyper today and my mom noticed it. I just said I had caffeine which isn't true but, I think it might be that my true energy is revealing itself after so many days of not feeling well and being itchy. Also not having abilify so perhaps this is a " manic " episode but I know it will only be problematic if it affects my sleep. If that kind of symptom develops then I will go back on abilify but so far, it is 11pm and I am tired so I don't think it is to that degree.

Some part of me does want to stay up to just enjoy the night and also to clean and do other things that I need to do, but I started to develop gas and is making me uncomfortable which is making me think I should just lay down and relax instead of doing anything that might tense me up.

I woke up pretty well. I sort of wanted to stay in bed but I got up because I wasn't completely drained like I was a couple of days ago.

I am half way wanting to just relax today and half way wanting to clean and do the things I need to do.

I ate my cheddar and broccoli soup and it really filled me up.

I am probably going to have to clean because, I didn't put the clothes away last night.

It's already noon and I haven't done shit.

Even if I don't want to clean I need to prepare or my classes. I just don't feel focused at all. I don't know if caffeine will even help right now. I guess I can take a shower since i am itchy.

I ended up scrolling through lives on Youtube and wasting my time. I know it is people talking to people, but it feels empty. I decided to come back out into the living room to write this. It feels more productive and quite frankly, better for my mental health than listening to that shit.

Don't get me wrong, I have found a few streams that are interesting and I feel welcomed on but, most people are chaotic, empty, and suspicious.

I do feel bored or, like I am not doing what I should/want to be doing but I'll be starting school on Monday so, I'll soon have no time to even think.

I just wish I had a person I could talk to or confide in. It doesn't even need to be romantic, but just someone I feel naturally drawn to and want to be around.

I think I also lay in my bed to prevent myself from snacking or eating as well. Some how hunger doesn't affect you as much if you're laying down.

I do think I have a little bit of depression, but like I said, I don't want to take medication and I think I need a stable person in my life more than a pill.

Maybe I should just relax and enjoy this day, put lotion on, floss my teeth, do my feet. All of a sudden my stomach is upset sitting up like this again. Maybe I do need to go back and lay down but I want to do stuff.

I just need to go at my own pace.