Word of the day: 素直

I am at Starbucks today, I am planning on submitting a bunch of the Jail Journal entries since it is my mom's birthday and she invited her cousin who I think is the biggest gossip and fake in town. I don't care t be around either of them so the idea of watching a movie and eating chinese food with them is kind of, unbearable.

My mom said a bunch of stupid things before I left like. " No where is open on sundays. " " She is bringing food for all of us. " " You don't need to go. "

I want to go.

She just didn't get that I don't want to be near her cousin at all. Or maybe, she DOES and enjoys the sight of me being physically uncomfortable around the woman and purposely not including me in their conversations.

I am done with that, I don't fucking care. I am just going to get stuff done today. I already ate my dinner so, I don't really need to eat. I also bought a sandwich just in case I do get hungry. I also bought some water to be a good girl. I have been just drinking mike's harder, and coffee so, my liver is probably loving me for this little bottle of water right now.

I am just mentally preparing to transcribe the 36 pages ahead of me. It doesn't help that I started my period so, I am not feeling the best. It is like I am constantly ready or able to nap. Luckily I am like 3 steps away from unlimited caffeine in here.

I think I forgot my tablet pen so I don't think I can take any drawing breaks. That is ok, I don't mind just focusing on writing since it keeps me focused or on task for what I need to do.

I have until 8 pm to stay here since this starbucks doesn't go all night like some in the cities. It is the downside of living in the country, but at least I have somewhere to be. Also I can always go to a bar if need be and have a drink.

This would be the perfect time to invite some of the guys I've been talking to, out for a drink but they are all Muslim and fasting. Besides, I don't think they even drink alcohol even outside of Ramadan.

It is weird that I am gravitating towards those kinds of guys now. I don't know if that means I am expanding as a person and broadening my horizons or getting completely lost in the foreignness of another, and not considering the sensibilities correctly. But hell, there are tv shows like 90 fiancé so I am sure that many people don't really consider stuff when picking someone foreign to be with.

The first guy who I started to have feelings for again is a man named Sherzod. It means "lion cub", so masculine right? He is from Tajikistan, which is a musilim country ( I think?) and even though he is a little chubby now, looks-wise he is very much my type. The down side is that he lives in Colorado and is now a truck driver so, he is constantly on the road. He used to be a MMA fighter too which sort of scares me. Also apparently he likes to be a little rough in bed but, go figure.

The other guy just happens to live an hour away and I am not really into him as he is significantly younger, but he seems to be a sweet boy. It is really a wonder how I can have any young guy look at me, in my opinion. I feel like it has to be a joke.