What Are Micro-Aggressions?

The 1st time I encountered a situation that involved micro-aggressions was, well to be honest I wasn't really that offended. See I am white and had grown up in a white family in the late 80's & 90's where a lot of my extended family where openly racist, I mean it wasn't like they had confederate flags in their basements but the saying,

"What am I..... Black?", when someone skipped over you while dishing out dinner, was said often, so often that when I got older and was with a group of friends, (white friends mind you, I at least knew enough not to say it in front of my black friends). I too said those awful words. I mean it wasn't that bad right, it's just a dumb saying I heard growing up my whole life....

"I didn't mean it like THAT",

It wasn't until I had my son, that I understood the magnitude of those words and how they would make him feel if he ever heard me say them, if he ever heard someone else say them, even if they,

"Didn't Mean it like THAT"

When I was a teenager I never knew I never knew soooo much.

Anyway back to my 1st encounter with Micro-Aggressions. I was in my backyard in a townhouse complex I had just recently moved in to. I had moved from a much bigger city that had 2 universities, I had grown up in an even bigger city close to Toronto my whole life, so I had a lot to learn about living in a small town. It's A LOT different. Outside my back door was a very small brick patio that fit a couple lawn chairs a barbeque and a few toys for the kids. If you walked about 15 feet further there was a big playground with a slide, a pole to slide down, a little window so all the neighborhood kids could pretend it was a little store, some stairs & a set of bars to climb up to get to the slide. It was perfect! The kids and I spent the 1st month out there almost every day.

One of those days a lady was out & about walking her little dog, she walked up to the park smiling and giving me an approving nod. I sat on the wooden ledge that sectioned off the park area from the grass. As my daughter stood in between my legs her face about 2cm away from mine, asking me question after question as many 5 year olds do, my son who was about 10 or 11 months old waddled on the black tarmac in front of me that surrounded the park. He wasn't right beside me but he wasn't too far away either. The woman looked as if she was looking for someone, her face becoming more and more agitated with every passing moment. She starts to shake her head with disgust and then asks me,

"Where is this kid mother??" she says, gesturing toward my son, who if you don't already know is half Jamaican.

I started to genuinely laugh, not really thinking too much about it understanding how she could make the mistake Marcus wasn't my son since he is brown & I am white.

I replied "I am his Mother," with a laugh and a smile,

She instantly apologized, I told her not to worry it was an honest mistake, but when she left I thought to myself...

That was the 1st time that had happened, he wasn't even a year old, and I knew that most defiantly would not be the last. What I didn't realize was that was a micro-aggression. That woman saw a little brown baby waddling around the park and just assumed his brown mother had left him there to fend for himself.

INSTEAED OF ASSUMING

The white woman sitting with the only other child at the park would be his mother or at the very least, she would be the one watching over the less than 1 year old baby waddling around the park.

WHY? Why was she so quick to make that assumption?

How could it be easier or more likely to believe that a mother any mother would leave her child, her baby at a park alone, then to think the white woman sitting 5 feet away from the brown child is the one watching the child? The more I thought about it, the more it bothered me and I had wished I had responded differently.

I am not a perfect person by any means, I have made many mistakes in my life, and it's like the saying goes,

The older I get they less I know, & Any man who knows a thing knows he knows not a dam dam thing at all.

But I am willing, I am trying to learn to be open minded to become better then the person I used to be, because of my children, for my children because if it weren't for my kids especially my son who is the one who has opened my eyes to many issues I was blind to before.

I don't claim to understand what people of color have been through, but I do know what it's like to have some kid call your son the N-word. I do now fully understand what micro-aggressions are and how unbelievably frustrating it is to try and articulate it to other white people and then have them tell you, you are just being too sensitive or have other white people defend them explaining that they,

"Didn't mean it THAT way"

PPPPPfffffffftttttttttt!!!!!! PpFfTtttt!

So I figured I would write this in hopes that perhaps some other white people will read it and maybe check out the limited series

Colin in Black and White on Netflix

Perhaps it will help them see the little things they do and/or say in their everyday lives, or things they let slide when a friend or family member says something that is helping keep certain stereotypes, certain sayings, certain mentalities alive and then passing them on to their children or to their friends children without even realizing it.

I know my son has opened a lot of peoples eyes & minds in his short 10 years on this planet, I can only hope this story will help open a few more.

Sincerely, Marcus's Mom

Laurie Chambers

Even if we don't look the same....