To the Mother I've always wanted: I have some things to share.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I have some things to share:

I have some questions too, can I ask if you even cared?

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I have longed for you,

I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights in a row, starting the next day, new.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, didn’t you want me, too?

I was so young and unaware, how was I supposed to pursue?

To the mother I’ve always wanted, years have grown between us like vines in the jungle,

One of my clearest memories from so long ago was wishing I had a mother to snuggle.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, there is a gaping crater in the center of my soul,

Other times, there is only anger fueled and out of my control.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I’ve asked myself, “why wasn’t I enough?”

That question has played over and over in my head, and is a question I need to snuff.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, why weren’t you there?

You were missing when I picked out my wedding dress, how is that fair?

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I’ve looked my whole life for you,

I’ve wished the days away for a mother that was visible, my stunning, impeccable view.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, it's true I have some secrets to tell you.

From your absence, heartache and sadness inevitably grew.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, can I ask, do you know anything of me?

I have gone to school, found my passion, fell in love, none of those things I learned from you, I guarantee.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, you haunt my every waking moment,

In the mirror, I see remnants of your face, but my confidence is missing your pivotal component.

To the mother i've always wanted, it’s not just your beauty I inherited,

I received your brains, your humor, your laugh, your drive; each was unmerited.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, you and I are not so different,

Devoid of the maternal guidance I needed and craved, there is but one word I use to describe myself today: Magnificent.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I just want you to know,

I was angry and hurt for years, but I made my peace some time ago.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I cannot tell you if there is a future for us,

It will take a long time of mending, bonding, and rebuilding trust.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, another secret I must spill:

No matter where life takes us, a small Quail bird reminds me of you to this day, still.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, a confession comes off my chest:

Despite what you might think, I never offered you a test.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I studied closely your character,

I racked my brain trying to think of ways to break past your invisible barrier.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I remember one Christmas we had together,

I don’t remember the gifts that year, all I remember was the fun we had and some about the weather.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, I ponder what our relationship would have entailed,

My visions of our potential adventures are so specific, everything detailed.

To the mother I’ve always wanted, it isn’t all bad,

There is someone who took on without fear all of my struggles and obstacles, his name is “Dad”.

To the mother I’ve wanted, I just have one small request,

Be a mother to my younger sister, she deserves it; please, try your best!