to the girl i loved

Dear You,

Hi. It's been a while. I won't say I haven't been thinking of you. In fact, you've been on my mind for a few days now. It may be because of that photo I stumbled across. It was a photo of you, with a little love note scribbled on the back.

And you know what?

I didn't feel anything.

I didn't feel the pang of pain and loss that I used to feel whenever I heard someone so much as say your name. I guess that means I've moved on. How many years has it been? Four? Five? Ten?

Don't get me wrong. I don't feel angry at you. Not anymore, anyway. I just don't feel anything about you anymore.

Weird, huh?

I was so head over heels for you, and now you're just a memory. Funny how things work out like that. Thinking about you now, I don't get even the nostalgic feeling that puts a stupid smile on my face.

In fact, in the car this morning, our song came up on the radio, and it was just a song. A few years ago, I'd have to skip over it because it hurt too much to listen to. And now, I find myself singing along.

I mean, it's not like I didn't know this day would come. After all, everything ends, good and bad. Although, while we're here and you're on my mind, I wonder what you're doing. How you are; how things are going. We haven't talked in years, which sometimes still boggles me. I guess that's what happens when you break up with someone.

I guess the way we ended plays a huge part in that, huh? I wonder if it ever still hurts you. I wonder if you ever once felt even an ounce of the pain you put me through. I wonder if you still talk to him. If while you were mine, while I had my arms wrapped around you, if you were wishing you were in his. If when I kissed you good night, it was him on your mind.

It doesn't matter now, I know.

But sometimes, I still wonder.

Still, I guess I feel a little...shocked that I don't feel anything for you anymore. My life used to revolve around you, and then it didn't. And even though I ended it, I still loved you.

Do you still remember me? Because I remember you. Some things vaguely, some things so vivid that they may as well have happened yesterday. Vague things like the countless times I picked you up from your bus stop and walked you up to our classroom. Vivid things like our first kiss, and "pinky holding" because you were too shy to hold my hand in public.

I remember the other things, too. The way you felt under my hands. The way you tasted. The way your hands gripped onto my hair as you screamed my name.

I won't say I don't miss these things. I mean, it's nice to have someone to love. It's just that you're not that someone anymore.

And hey, maybe someday, by a cruel twist of fate, our paths will cross again. But for now, I'm perfectly happy with just the memory of you.

I hope you are too.

- Me