The Red G

"Is this what you're looking for?" I paused; my cheeks were burning. I was too stunned to move. It felt as though there was a panicked caged bird flapping inside of me, desperate to escape. I felt a thump! Maybe it was my heart, for all I knew; he was the last person I would expect to see at that moment. Oh dear! This can't be happening," I screeched to myself. "Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I am just returning what belongs to you," he spoke so softly and so gently with a hint of cheekiness. At this moment, I wished I could magically disappear from the earth and vanish into space. His smell and deep husky voice engaged my mind over the weeks that passed. The same smell and voice greeted me every morning in front of the escalator. So magnetic that just the scent of him could make you weak to your knees and make your core shake. I stopped myself and thought, how could one do this to me when others could barely scratch the surface?

His name was Phillip; we first met over a month ago in our apartment corridor, waiting for the same escalator. I instantly felt flustered when my eyes first lay on his. His deep blue eyes captivated me with mystery, so mysterious and deep like the ocean. We would greet each other every day, I could feel my body shake in his presence, the feeling was euphoric, and in a split second, when we would look into each other's eyes, his deep blue eyes made feel me feel a sense of calmness, a sense of serenity and yet at the same time; I felt my heart crash like waves under a pink moon.

Phillip was cheeky; he would always have something to say that would make you giggle and laugh. His smile would light up my life with sunlight. I felt vulnerable in his presence, my heart had been hurting for so long. I promised myself to never let a man into my life again, for how could I give a man a key to my heart and yet allow him to throw it away? Stop it, Georgie! I would say to myself after my encounters with Phillip. I needed to take control of my heart and soul. How dare Phillip make me lose control of myself?

"Do you want me to leave it here and walk away?" said Phillip with a calm yet cheeky tone. I took a deep breath and tried to find my courage to turn around. "Thank you. Yes, I was looking for this." Phillip handed me back my red lace g-string. He looked deeply into my eyes like he was trying to find the missing puzzle in my life. His curious face couldn't hide the need to know why my slightly torn underwear fell beside the rear car door. But I was adamant about not putting myself through more embarrassment; I put on a poker face and faintly smiled, "I hope you have a nice weekend." I desperately was waiting for the elevator door to open up for me. "Georgie, I've been wanting to ask if you… would like to go for a drink sometime?" Phillip said. I stopped, turned my head around, and replied, "ummm, I will get back to you," and quickly hurried off.

I felt embarrassed and stupid, Phillip asked me out, and I said no. My inner voice confused yet angry, "Georgie, you are an idiot!!" He asked you out, and you turned it down with a pathetic response! I felt sick in the stomach. So much had happened in the past 24 hours, I could barely catch my breath. Constant flashbacks of last night's events occupied my mind as I rested my head on my pillow, the memories of a heated argument with Dean in my car that followed after our romantic dinner.

Dean and I had been seeing each other for just a little over three years now. Our relationship was very passionate, but the fire between us was dying. We would constantly bicker, we tried to see a future together, but we had different dreams in life. Dean was 13 years younger than me, and he wanted to build a family, whereas I had a yearning to be free and travel around the world. I told him that this would be an issue for us, but Dean was stubborn and persistent; he wouldn't take no from me.

Last night was meant to be the last time together; we needed to have a closure & close the chapter between us. Dean was upset with my decision. He refused to accept my decision to set him free so he can build the dream he longed for. As I reminisced about what transpired the last night, I regretted how easily I fell into a hopeless state once his arms wrapped around me and his lips passionately consumed mine. My car was the silent witness of our last lovemaking as Dean turned his emotion into a force of sexual energy. He kissed every inch of my body tenderly then made love to me passionately. Our souls met at the end; the two souls become one everlasting memory. When it's all over, we cuddled up in silence to memorize every second of our last night together. When we got to his house, Dean slammed my car door and waved goodbye without looking at me in the eyes. His shoulders dropped, showing the weight of his sadness & emotional burden of letting me be free.

I woke up to the noise of the card box being dragged against the carpet, then followed by a light knock on my front door. My phone showed 3 p.m., I slept for over four hours. Last night was emotionally exhausting. Unwillingly, I dragged my feet to open the door. Phillip smiled, "Sorry to wake you up, but I found this box in front of the building with your name and unit on it. So, I took the liberty to deliver it to you." My face turned red from embarrassment. Of course, Phillip noticed my messy hair and red puffy eyes. "Are you okay? Is there anything that I can do? Do you want me to carry this box inside your apartment?" Phillip tried his best to ease my anxiousness. I replied with a low voice and desperately trying not to look at him in the eyes, "I am fine, just going through things at the moment. Thank you for bringing the box up. Leave it here. I can carry it in myself." I could feel his eyes were searching for mine, trying to find another piece to fit into the rest of the puzzle. Dean's handwriting was easily recognizable; he left this box for me. That box is full of our best times together with the bad one intermingled with, a mix of bitter and sweet that worth keeping safe inside my heart.

Phillip stood at the end of the corridor while watching me trying to push the box into my apartment. It felt pretty heavy. I struggled to move the box through the door. And as I bent over trying to give the last push, I heard the ripping fabric sound. Tears gently trickled down my face. "Let me help you!" a deep and husky voice behind me. Phillip gave me a gentle hug from behind. I pushed him away and walked inside the apartment. I felt so humiliated, Phillip saw my bum cheeks. He grabbed my arm, "Georgie, I don't know what you're going through, but obviously, you are very emotional at the moment. Allow me to be your friend. Let me offer my shoulders for you to cry on. You don't have to share anything if you don't wish to." I couldn't resist him anymore. I let my body sink into his arms and my head buried in his muscular chest. We spent the rest of the afternoon in silence together. It was the beginning of something beautiful. As exquisitely illustrated by Maya Angelou's poem "In the flush of love's light we dare to be brave. And suddenly, we see that that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet, it is only love which sets us free."