The Knight

She was alone in a cold world of abuse from the people who were supposed to love and protect her. Her mother who never protected her, who abused her in ways a mother never should. A partner that grew to hate her despite doing her best to keep him happy. A father who was there but not present in the way he should have been. Her heart cold and bitter, closed off to everyone swearing to never open herself to anyone ever again. Yet she was always screaming on the inside for someone to save her. Men she had trusted betrayed her and used her, women using her to achieve their own goals. There was little left of her heart, the only love she gave was to her own daughter. Until one night she met him. She didn’t know it yet but he would be the one to save her. He would be the one to put the warmth and trust back into her heart. He was the one she had been internally screaming for but had eventually given up on.

His name was Mike, appropriate for a “knight in shining armor”. The moment he laid eyes on her he fell in love and knew she was the one he wanted to be with the rest of his life. When they met she wasn’t interested, though she did entertain him for the night. He came off strong and was very vocal about how he felt. Her being so used to abuse and vile things said to her – it pushed her away. Despite all their common interests she thought he was lying. Why would he be any different than any of the other men that had used and abused her? But still she would speak to him, never rude or with an attitude. Even though she would have liked to to get her point across; something stopped her. Then one night after two months of him courting her they spent the night together. The night that changed everything. She had never felt so comfortable with someone before and it scared her. The icing was how much her daughter loved him after only spending a couple of hours with him before bed.

That was the day she finally agreed to be with him. She never would have expected what came next. She fell in love in a way she had only experienced when her daughter was born. Never would she had thought she would feel that way. The ice in her heart melted and she was finally able to open herself again. Mike made her feel so loved and safe and she was never afraid to be herself. He was always there for her no matter what happened during their relationship. They went through so many trials that would have broken up anyone else who went through it. He held her when she lost her daughter when her ex took her and ran. Her depression never swayed his love for her. He was it, he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and grow old and wrinkly. They were made for each other in every way possible. From their interests and disinterests, to how their hands fit perfectly together. He only had eyes for her, and her for him. As time went on their love just grew stronger and stronger.

Attached at the hip they went everywhere together and even worked together. People amazed they could stand each other at the end of each day. Now that doesn’t mean they didn’t have arguments or fights, oh they did. But they never stopped loving each other. Then she got sick – a chronic, incurable disease that would eventually kill her. Both devastated at the news but they pushed on and did everything they could to keep her healthy. Which worked, her disease wasn’t spreading and though she was always exhausted her love for him kept her going. Everything she was doing was for him and her daughter, when she could eventually get her back. She lived with this disease for three years and then things got worse. It started spreading to all her joints causing immense pain. That put strain on everything. She felt like a burden needing help with simple things like getting dressed or going to the bathroom. But Mike helped with a smile, calling her “ridiculous” when she’d cry and apologize. He said it made their relationship stronger and that she took care of him with his own issues and it was his turn.

But, like any man, when he got sick he didn’t say anything to her as he didn’t want her to worry. One night she went to bed, everything normal and Mike fine. But when she woke up there he was – face-down on their patio. She ran to him and tried shaking him awake, screaming. She knew the second she saw his legs and the second she touched his face he was gone. Her world shattered and gone, turned to dust. The love of her life was dead and she was once again all alone in this world of abuse. They were together over eight years, they were about to buy their first house and they had recently started to try and start a family. Her heart is once again cold and unforgiving. Closed off to everyone and everything. All she wants is to be with her knight in shining armor again. She curses anyone and anything for taking him away. For making two people literally made for each other in every possible way meet and then just taking one away with a snap. For taking him away when they were about to have the life he always wanted to give her. When he finally said yes to having a baby with her.

Now she spends her days and nights crying and asking for him back. To be sent back in time to save him. She hates herself for not saying goodnight to him or telling him “I love you” that night. Mike was her light, her life, her heart, her soul mate, her twin flame. He was her entire world and now her world is gone. All she wants is to see him again, which she screams to him every night. “Please let me see you again like you did that night”. She needs him and she will always need him. She will never be the same. I will never be the same. I will never forgive the universe for taking my Mike away from me and in the manner it took him. I will never forgive those who knew something was wrong with him and never told me, and who never told him he needed to go get help.

Michael Armstrong I love you with all of my heart and soul. I will always love you and only you until the day I die. Until we meet again My Knight.