Secrets

Breaking Free
I juggled baby girl from my left hip to my right and hiked my purse higher on my shoulder, pulling car keys out of my pocket. My car had a hard time starting this morning so we were parked on the outskirts of the parking lot, the consequences of being late. The lot was almost deserted and baby girl and I were the only ones hustling through. I could hear the click of my heels and the distant hoot of a barn owl amid the other night noises.
By J Magnuson4 years ago in Confessions
An open conversation about being in love with the idea of love.
When I first met you I thought the world of you. You were so bright and logical! I thought you had the world in the palm of your hand. You knew what you wanted and had no shame in speaking your mind, just like me. When I looked at you, I saw myself. You inspired me to work harder on my passions, embrace my sexuality and look at the parts of me that needed work; A LOT of work! Whilst getting to know you, I realized a lot at this time. I also had a lot to look forward to after work…at the time, at least. I looked up to you as well as falling face-first at even the thought of you. Looking back, this disgusts me! However, those were my feelings at the time. This was truly a wake-up call. I had constant nightmares about you and our friend group at the time. Now I know those were my conscious warning me about the whole situation. But at the time, they were just nightmares; you told me to ignore them because “they will never come true.” and “I’ll always be there for you.” You even said you could prove my subconscious wrong! It’s laughable now, I will never doubt my mind ever again knowing what I know now. But, let’s continue with the story.
By Em Blackrose n Ambisious4 years ago in Confessions
Troubling Waters
I had written a about a dream where there were flooding waters. I had written about a dream where I had paddled myself upstream from the ocean into a river. I had written about a dream where tadpoles were as colorful as they were plentiful. I had written about a dream where as fast as the water had entered, it had left. I had written about a dream where horses drew carriages in wooden cottage towns. Now I write about a dream where I learn to practice a lesson where waters trouble me, but do not disturb my state of mind. Where ever there are waters, there will be trouble with keeping my head afloat. Yet, whenever there is water, I learn how to tread in another way.
By Thavien Yliaster4 years ago in Confessions
The Lakehouse of Hope
She showed up at the lake house after the weekend from hell. The breakup took it out of her; she sat on the bed, took a deep breath in, and said, “I’m free.” She started unpacking her stuff, the little that, wasn’t destroyed, as she pulled the broken cookie jar her late grandmother had made, the china she had told her about as a child now in pieces in a box. It related to the pieces of her broken life. Just her and her two kids and dogs now. “Now, what am I going to do.” The first night was the worst. With lots of tears and confusion from everyone. “How does a marriage just end; it ends so fast like it was nothing. In a split second, everything you’ve worked for gone. Now they are left with your ghost, and you are left picking up the pieces of your life. Was he a bad guy? some would say yes, but she saw a side of him that was different, kind, and loving. She saw his potential to be a great man, a great father, and a husband. He would go out of his way for everyone but them. For some reason, they were always put on the back burner. She knew him kicking her out was the only way she would have truly left him, and now it was no longer about her, it was about their safety. You don’t realize what pills do to you till he’s acting out of his character and kicking his own family out. The saddest and scariest thing, he doesn’t remember much of that night, but she and her kids will never forget it.
By GypsySoulSister4 years ago in Confessions
Preparing For Gastric Sleeve Surgery And Beyond
I'm back with an update on my progress towards getting gastric sleeve surgery. I just had a psychological evaluation done. It's a required part of the process for gastric sleeve surgery. Because of my bipolar disorder, I already have a therapist and psychiatrist, so I didn't have to look for someone to do the evaluation. (Lucky me.)
By Susan F Weimer4 years ago in Confessions
An Owl's Wisdom Guides My Life
No one in my family had time for me, and if they did bother to pay any attention to me, they were confused and befuddled by me. I wasn’t like the rest of them. They were simple old-time country farmers with minimal education and no understanding of why any of their kind would seek more out of life than what I could see as only life-draining labor with little reward. As young as 6 years old, I had a fire burning within me; a yearning to read, learn, travel, and write. I sure as Hell don’t know where it came from, but it was there from as far back as I could remember, and it could not be extinguished.
By Joan Gershman4 years ago in Confessions
Journal entry 7
December 1st Lately I have been feeling a little uneasy... Still kind of unsure where I should be in life and if I am on the right track... I want to try new things but money is running my life right now. I need to make money to pay rent and I need to make money to eat food.
By for my mental health4 years ago in Confessions
A Love Lost
He was my first love. I can never love another man the same way I have loved him. I know love differs from the last, but my heart will never love the same way. I don't get the butterflies, the beating of my heart racing, or the stuttering you get when you're nervous as he talks to you. All those feelings went away when he did. I can never get those back. Every Spring I smell the flowers and a memory of him comes to mind. I can smell the scent of his cologne he would wear every day and I think back to the first time he hugged me. He had on a black jacket with a red stripe going down the sleeves. Every Summer as the sun shines and the heat waves become unbearable, I remember the time he helped me carry my books to the library. I remember all the times we would walk to class together. I remember the fun we had after school going to the park just to sit and talk. I remember talking about what we wanted for future families as we watched a father play catch with his son. How he wanted to spoil his kids with love because he never had that. He wanted to teach them from right and wrong. He hoped for it, and I wonder if he still prays for it. I remember the moment we had a staring contest, and I was going to lean in to kiss him, but I blinked, and he had won. I remember the time he drew something in the sand, and I pretended to mess it up. He chased me around the playground like we were little kids again. Laughing and smiling as he caught up to me and embraced me in his arms. He picked me up and then put me down as we continued laughing. His laugh and smile were my everything and they still are. Every Fall as the wind blows and I would feel a gentle breeze sweep across my cheek, I close my eyes and I can see his face. I can feel his presence with me. I remember the first we met, and he asked me to sit next to him because I was all alone in the back of the class. I remember the time he wrapped his coat around me as we wait for our ride to show up. I remember the time we were at the mall and went to see a movie. Our friends had left, and it was just us. We were both falling asleep, and he let me rest my head on his shoulder. And when someone would make me cry, he was there. Even though he said little, and he listened to me vent, him just being there was enough for me. And every Winter, the smell of the rain brings back the memory I cherish the most. It was pouring rain as we all waited for our ride. He took off his coat and told me to put it on. He stripped off all of his clothes, only wearing his boxers and shoes. I held on to his pants and shirt. He made us all laugh as he ran around in the rain. And I remember thinking, this is the guy my heart wants. He came back and put his clothes on as our ride showed up. We all get into the car and on the drive, I glance at him. His hair is dripping wet as he looks down at his backpack, smiling. Then he looks out the window and his smile fades. And in that moment, I knew... I knew I had fallen in love with him. But now every season is just a memory and Summer had become my least favorite memory. He had to leave, and there was no way for him to stay. I remember the moment he told us when we were at the park. He was leaving and not coming back. He had trouble with his family, and it was the best thing to do. I remember going home and crying in my room. I remember the last day we saw each other. He walked me to class like he always did, and we talked. I told him I would miss him, and we hugged. It was the longest hug we ever had, and I held back my tears as he pulled away. We smiled at one another, and he walks away. I watch him until I couldn't see him anymore and I went into class. Every moment I remember, I think of all the times I could have kissed him. All the times I could have told him I loved him. But I didn't until it was too late. We stayed friends and have both moved on, and this is my only regret in life. Although we rarely speak to each other and we moved on, he is still the reason I get up every morning. He's all I think about before I go to sleep and he's all I think about when I wake up. He has my mind, my heart and my soul. And all I know is that I can never love this way again.
By Rae Rachal4 years ago in Confessions
A Year To Rest Myself And That Is My Success
“Sleep, those little slices of death — how I loathe them.” ― Edgar Allan Poe I had a love-hate relationship with sleep. Today at 30 years of age, in yet another year of uncertainty I have embraced the fact that I need sleep - a lot of than I think I need.
By Rashmi G4 years ago in Confessions
How to Cast a Love Spell
How to cast a spell to never fall in love; it might actually work. When I was 8 years old, my family rented Practical Magic and I loved it. My great grandparents lived on 15 acres in the countryside and my Nana would often cure mild ailments like fevers and little infections with herbs from her garden and tips her own mother and grandmother gave to her. My grandma would call her a witch and mock the 'witchcraft' Nana would show me.
By Mae McCreery4 years ago in Confessions
This Is How You Hold Yourself Back From Getting What You Deserve
It’s natural to want to do things, to set goals, to chase them and get to experience the process of creation. Deep within us, there is the urge to explore what we’re truly capable of accomplishing, and we express it by “playing” around with the variables we’re given.
By Rabih4 years ago in Confessions
The Fragility of Loneliness
A ruinous place. Unable to be named. The silent persecution inside, persisted in the form of mental torture; the daily routine of mirror goading. A dark place. Sitting in a room at night, feeling eternity. Invisible. Being in a setting, yet unseen. It’s like navigation upon a path without any guidance. When will it end? You are meant to suffer it tells one. Alone.
By Jaida Williams4 years ago in Confessions