Journal entry 7

December 1st

Lately I have been feeling a little uneasy...

Still kind of unsure where I should be in life and if I am on the right track... I want to try new things but money is running my life right now. I need to make money to pay rent and I need to make money to eat food.

Now I am feeling alittle high, I was typing something and I lost my train of thought. My mind feels like it is focused but jumping from one subject to the next. My fingers feel like they are floating and my body feels kind of heavy, maybe this is a hybrid and I didn't even know. My eyes kind of feel like they are slowly shutting and I could go to sleep but I am still hungry.

Very strange insight into my brain...

Some days I feel good and other days, I feel like the saddness will never end.

December 19th

I have been feeling very out of touch lately... All my friends are right in front of me but it feels like they are moving on without me...

As if I have not figured it out yet... I am still trying to figure it out

Looking inward maybe I am feeling out of touch with friends because I am becoming more intune with myself...

I am feeling scared and trying to "blame" my friends because I am not allowing myself to move on or am I "really" feeling out of touch...

I need to start doing things for myself and by myself and realize that it is okay to be alone.

January 5th

I am not sure why I had been procrastinating this video for so long…

I think it is because new beginnings scare me and me thinking of finishing this video means that 2021 is over… which is not necessarily a bad thing but it is very overwhelming to think of what 2022 could have in store for me…

2021 was a year full of new things and I think I did pretty well in handling it but it is not a year I want to replay over in my head…

Being on your own is tough and feeling alone is even worse…

This year I was on my own for the first time since freshman year of college and it was fun but also very scary.

Moving out of my parents house was very good for me but also very hard.

Now I know what you are thinking, “girl stop repeating yourself…” but it is the only way I know how to describe it

On the bright side to sum it all up…I learned a lot this year and thanks to my close friends and family, I made it out not alone.

January 19th

People do not know this but I am going through lot. I have been crying at everything lately and I don't fully understand why...

You bring up therapy and some people frown upon it but something has been going on lately. Something is wrong.

I feel very out of place and panicking a little bit about life. I am not sure what I should/supposed to be doing and its freaking me out.

Shit has been scary and exhausting lately. I have not been able to sleep and my eating schedule is not good.

I am glad I left my other company but shit seems to be hitting the fan again and I am freaking out.

What am I doing wrong... what is going on...

I think I might get laid off again...

cut lose