Embarrassment
I'm a Hot Mess of Cringe-worthy Moments
I am a big ol' hot mess; and when I was young, I was a little hot mess. I've had so many cringe-worthy moments throughout my life, I’ve lost count. Unfortunately, I never outgrew making a fool of myself. **sigh** It seems to be getting worse, the older I get! Let’s face it, some of y’all are shaped to shine, while others of us are fashioned for faux pas. I’ve divided up my embarrassing moments into four parts: 1) 'Younger Years'; 2) 'Terrible Tween & Teen Tales'; 3) 'Dating & Romance Sagas' (Lord, have mercy); and 4) 'A Grown Woman Should Know Better By Now' Moments. Here goes Part 1. Be kind—I was just a kid!
By Karla Bowen Herman5 years ago in Confessions
That American
A good friend once said to me that there is one surefire way to tell that you have become an adult. You look back at the things you have done as a child and teen, and you cringe. These are the memories that your mind shies away from. The things that you would do anything to take back.
By Megan Chadsey5 years ago in Confessions
When things go wrong
When I was 8, my brother owned a candy store where he sold candy to the kids in our neighborhood. He made good money doing it and often enlisted my siblings and me to help him run the store. He sold tootsie rolls for a penny apiece, he sold licorice, snow cones, candy bars, and Laffy Taffy. As long as he marked up the price on it, he made a profit. Well, he finally got into mowing lawns and turned the candy store business over to us. Well, we had no idea how to manage a candy store. Nor did we know what things would cost. We took advantage of our family, but I was the only one that got caught. I was stealing change from my Dad to buy candy. First, it started out as forty cents in the laundry basket. Next, it was sixty cents in the laundry hamper, and this continued for about a month. Finally, I was in the car with my Mom, and she knew what I was up to. I'm not sure what it is about Moms who have a sixth sense about what their children are doing. With me, she knew and finally got me to confess. She wasn't angry, but she did insist I tell my Dad. After all, it was him that I was stealing from. If you knew my Dad, you knew when you delivered bad news to him. It never went well. I planned it out and that night after dinner I told him. The level of rage on my Father's face cannot be described. You see, my Dad was a police officer, and theft was a very big deal to him. So, my punishment was that he put my arms behind my back and handcuffed me. He read me my rights as he was walking me out the door. All my siblings and their friends were in the driveway. A look of shock set in on their faces as we passed by them. My Dad was still in uniform, so I can only imagine how this looked to everyone in the neighborhood. I could hear the whispers as we walked past them. "What did she do?" "How scary", and there was even some laughter mixed in. Never have I ever been more embarrassed than I was at that moment. He opened the door to his police car, put his hand on my head, and forced me to sit in the back seat. I was sobbing by this point, and absolutely believed he was taking me to jail. I didn't know what jail looked like, but I did know that's where bad people went. I didn't want to be a bad person. He radioed in to dispatch that he was in his vehicle, as they were required to do so. However, I could barely hear what he was saying over my sobs. To me, he was telling them that he had a young lady in the car, and he was taking me to jail. He started the car, and drove through the neighborhood, and turning out of the neighborhood. He asked me "Do you know what you did wrong?" Between sobs, I answered "Yes", and then he asked me "Are you ever going to do it again". I could barely get the words out and said "No", and he turned around and drove me back home. The problem was everyone was still outside in front of my house. I was beyond embarrassed at this point.
By Brooke Hudson5 years ago in Confessions
Talking about Breasts in Church
Several years ago, I stood at the pulpit of a church where I served, encouraging people to share prayer requests from their pews. The Senior Pastor assigned me this role on this particular Sunday morning. This method of people making others aware of their needs doesn't work at megachurches, but at the small Country church where I led music and served as youth pastor, this occurred on a weekly basis. After almost 30 years of ministry, I've learned that people I like to call oversharers seem to feel very comfortable in the church setting. Maybe too comfortable. I've had people confide in me innumerable personal issues...but in most cases these sensitive topics are shared one on one or with my wife present. On occasion, very personal needs have been shared publicly without a thought of how the rest of the congregation might react. And that's what happened on this particular Sunday.
By Bryan R..5 years ago in Confessions
Awkward Moment Created By Dad
I must of been about 14 years old at the time. A few weeks prior to this we moved into a new house. I had not met the neighbors yet, just knew that they were an older couple with three young sons. The oldest being just about a year or so younger than me. It had been snowing on and off for days now. This afternoon I found myself sitting in the front window, captivated by the image of my neighbor's son shoveling snow in the front yard and the driveways of the houses next to ours. Just then my father came in the front door, he had been outside talking to the neighbor. He chuckled and said why don't you go out and talk to him, you have been sitting in that window watching him for over a half an hour. To which I abruptly replied, no thanks I am good. He followed it up with when did you become so shy? I said I am not shy, I just don't have anything to say to him. Are you completely sure about that he asked while kind of laughing at me. To this I replied yes and stood up and headed toward the stairs to go up to my bedroom. My dear old dad who was still standing by the front door proceeded to push me out it as I was walking past him. Now I probably would not have minded so much if I wasn't barefoot and wearing just a t- shirt, and a pair of basketball shorts. Just knowing that my father was on the other side of the door laughing thinking he was funny, was extremely annoying to me. I heard through the laughter, you can stay out there until you talk to him.
By Carolyn Leonelli5 years ago in Confessions
Nacho Ordinary Bar
Picture if you will: Los Angeles, late Spring 1999. Encino, to be exact. Ann, a college senior is on her own in the City of Angels, having just completed the Directors Guild of America Trainee Exam. She's nervous and alone. She doesn't want to go out by herself, because she's a small town girl and completely out of her element. She reaches out to some sorority sisters in the area, but they are busy. One volunteers her boyfriend, Jeff, to take her to dinner.
By Candice Cain5 years ago in Confessions
Silent But Deadlier
Let’s begin by explaining that this is definitely not a fable in any sort of way. This is a story that I hold close to my chest and only a minute amount of close friends, that I consider family, know of said story.The only reason is because they were there on that dreadful, Saturday night. I have changed the name of my closest friend in this story, which to this day, I call, ‘my brother from another mother’. Let’s call him, ‘Curly’, for legal and social purposes, shall we? I must also mention that after growing up with the Three Stooges, I had always wished that my mother had named me, ‘Curly’, legally. This was well until I was deep into my twenties. Call me ‘crazy’, but this too is 100% true and ‘screw you’, if you think any of this to be a lie, LOL ! Ok, here is how the freakin’ story goes....... ‘Curly’ owned a small percentage of a huge bar and restaurant, that I frequently patronized. Suitably, let’s call it, ‘Moe’s Place’ for all of the other ‘die-hard’ fans of the lovable Stooges like myself. This place was a bar that on certain Saturday nights, I would actually ride my motorcycle directly into, revving my engine. Now, this was a rare spectacle only utilized when extremely large amounts of tequila and beer were consumed before arrival? But, gosh damn, did I love it and the ‘newbies’ to the establishment had a kool story to tell about their night at ‘Moe’s Place’! Another known and much pleasurable fact was that this bar possessed a ‘topless’ only strip-club. It was separately attached to the back end of ‘Moe’s Place’, as well as above the bar, with a completely separate entrance. Now, Curly and I were known by every patron as, ‘The life of the party’, and as drinking goes, by all and every means, we absolutely were. I must also indulged that we were not young men in our early ‘twenties’, but childish fellows in our early ‘forties’. (I was a ‘late bloomer’, so freakin’ sue me if you can’t relate to trying to play a little ‘catch up’ in life?) When it comes to enjoying what life we have here on earth, I feel deeply that age should not matter, but only the good times with friends and family should. Trying to out drink younger guys and making people laugh was Curly’s and my passion. We lived by an ‘unwritten’ Marine Corps motto that ‘tomorrow is never promised, so drink up every ounce of goodness of life, today’! (Our wives at the time would sometimes argue that our motto should not be taken ‘literally’, but knew that we were ‘ happy drunks’, not ‘cheaters’ and would allow us blow off some steam from time to time.) This night of the story was birthday night for Curly and I promised him and others, that I would be the funniest and most fun guy at this birthday party. We were known for trying to out do one another to make people laugh and forget their ‘woes in life’. Tonight had to be ‘epic’ in every sense of the word! The only thing was that, I had the reminance of a slight ‘stomach virus’ brewing, but I would not let the advice of my caring wife and ill stomach stop my attempts of greatness this night. As the night flowed of tequila, whiskey and beer, my stomach ‘brewed of deceit’. But, how can I, in good conscious, listen to it’s lies..... I could not, I wouldn’t! I would still try to achieve the title of, ‘King of the funny men’, and nothing must stand in my way, even as a bubbling was a brewing. Later, after three hours of drinking, Curly suggested a couple of drinking hours in the VIP section of the strip club, just before everyone took cabs to their homes and wives. ‘Excellent idea’, I thought to myself...’Most excellent idea, sir. Lead the way and I shall follow’! I had two hundred more dollars just screaming to exit my pockets! Arriving at the entrance of the club, with a loving entourage of Marines ready to have fun, we were greeted like kings. “Right this way fellas”, “good to see you again tonight” and “your usual table in VIP is free tonight for Curly’s birthday”. These words rang out from the every member of the caring staff. “If there is anything you guys need, do not hesitate to ask”. We all nodded politely and were ushered in. Here, the antics began to appear as funny man after funny man did something to make the staff and other Marines laugh. Not one man was being rude to staff or ackward in any way. We were all like family in this establishment, even including the staff. Every one knew each other by first name and everyone knew each other for years. Curly even asked some dancers politely to handsomely pay them for allowing him to dance for them as they sat down and drank. The ladies laughed and enjoyed ever moment of getting paid to drink champagne and receive a lap dance or two from an slightly overweight, old Marine . “Well played, Curly”, I thought to myself. “You may very well win, ‘Funny man of the night’, tonight”? How can I top this antic? Is there any way possible? Then, the tequila said to me, “You can do this, you can top him, Marine”!!!! Just then, not thinking clearly, I said to myself..... ‘a silent, but deadly’ fart would do the trick. It had worked before and it would be a ‘show stopper’. Oh.....but, I was sooooooo wrong! As I let one go, my inebriated self forgot about my wife’s sound advice. I forgot that she was a highly educated nurse that was trained to understand the beginnings and ends of a stomach virus. But, in that precise moment of farting, I surprisingly realized that I had a terrible stomach virus and I just made a dreadful mistake! I had just pooped myself and did not know what to do and where to turn next? As I sat hopelessly in the corner of the booth, and Marine after Marine and dancer after dancer faces begin to grasp the ‘Stench of death’ in the air, everyone laughed and said, ‘O.....k....who in the hell let one rip’??? Dancer after dancer began to leave disgusted as nauseousness ran rampant. The frolicking atmosphere of jubilee abruptly stopped. My ‘plans of greatness’ have indeed gone awry. Curly stood up, grabbed a bottle of champagne and said that he had an admission that he wanted to relay. The toast went like this...” I just want to tell you fellas that you have made this night one of the greatest of my life!” I could only nervously giggle and order a last round of drinks before I could plan my sh#tty escape. Curly, continued with his toast.... “I also wanna say that the ‘sh#t has literally hit the fan, fellas. I had been feeling sick today, but had to celebrate with my closest pals. Can someone just close the tab for me so we can head home, please?” As everyone left, Curly could see in my eyes how embarrassed I was and handed me a extra shirt to tie around my waste. Curly said to me smiling, “The stomach virus that you have now, I had last week. I tried to do the exact thing you did Monday at the bar. One of the waiters saved my ass literally LOL. So, know I am saving yours, brother.” I thanked him as he said to me, as we exited the club hurriedly, “Hopefully, bro, you don’t have to ‘play it forward’ next week?”😂
By Tyronn Rahda Monroe5 years ago in Confessions
Drunken Interview
We were in the middle of a global pandemic and of course I was stuck looking for a new job. But between you and I, I kind of liked the “new” way of things. I actually enjoyed covering my face with a mask. I always hated my bone structure and lips, and my eyes were one of my favorite features about myself. Now I could flaunt it and I loved it. Anyways, like I said, I was stuck looking for a new job and the mayor of Ohio was telling me I should only leave my house for essential items. That’s when I learned how crucial the internet really is to our society. I could buy wine online without the old lady yelling at me at the grocery store telling me it’s nonessential. You’re probably thinking, we are in the middle of a global pandemic, why is wine the first thing on your mind. Just bear with me and try to hear me out. I have terrible social anxiety and this pandemic has kind of helped me in a way. When I was looking for a new job, I was told we could do interviews on a zoom call. Now, don’t judge me, but the first thought that came through my mind was I could have a few glasses of wine before the interview and they would never know! It was never my intent to drink the whole bottle of Merlot, but I got nervous and the glasses seemed to go down almost too smooth. I logged onto the interview to find out it was an open interview and there was about ten other people on this call with me and if I wasn’t almost to the point of being drunk, I would have closed my computer so fast when I saw how intelligent the other people looked compared to me who was pretending to not be drunk.
By Lindsey Hultman5 years ago in Confessions
Ma Is This Your School?
It's been over 7 years and my family are still hunting me with laughter over the "Ma Is This Your School?" question I asked. My mom is not from my hometown and I know little about her childhood. It's been 5 years since she died and I have so many wonderful memories to bring comfort and joy. I do remember traveling every weekend to my grand parents home in the DMV area in our family car pulling up to the yard while my boy cousin waited to get his first hit. We do our normal run around the car see if you can catch me game. My mom would get the weekly report of how bad your child is at pick up. So I thought this was my mom home town but learned later as I got older her actual birthplace and childhood residence until years later after my granddaddy died. This is when we would travel for 3 hours or more to where my grandparents met and siblings lived. As we visited I learned more about my mom younger days. Also, this is where I also experience the mountain fresh air and Carmel cake with homemade ice cream with the elders of our family.
By Avizz V Wright5 years ago in Confessions
My Most Embarrassing Brush With Fame!
The year was 2005. The WWE was coming to an area close enough to get tickets. We were in the midst of the Afghan conflict and still getting used to our new way of life, not that that would have stopped me from getting tickets. To make things even better, the WWE and some of the superstars were doing autograph signings to support the families of soldiers suddenly being called overseas. My dad, having served in the military, gave me a love and respect for our men and women in uniform so I went out of my way to make it to the signing. By this point in my life, I had an eleven-year-old son who also happened to be a huge Shawn Michaels fan. Shawn had come out of retirement and was back as a full-time performer so we had a chance to see our hero. At the time, the biggest draw for the young, youngish, and let's face it, guys with working eyeballs was none other than Trish Stratus.
By Jason Ray Morton 5 years ago in Confessions
