Dating
The One You Can Never Forget
I’ll be honest, the main reason I’m writing this, is more to process things externally, rather than anything else. But, if there are people in the same position and this makes them feel less alone, then that’s great. This may seem dead simple to you and like I’m moaning/writing about nothing, but to me it’s niggling and annoying. Maybe it’s down to in-experience. Who knows?
By Rebecca Smith4 years ago in Confessions
Why Is It So Hard To Communicate In My Marriage?
My husband and I have been married now for almost 3 years. God knows I love him with all of my heart, mind, body and soul. We've been together on and off for the last 16 years. We were high school sweethearts and have been best friends since we were kids. Even though we've went through ups and downs during our relationship in the past and now, we were always able to talk and communicate with no problem--until now. I openly communicate with him about what I go through from day to day, and he does the same with me. Sometimes, he can be understanding and sweet when we talk, which made me fall in love with him in the first place. As of lately, however, communicating with him feels as if I'm talking to a brick wall. There are times when I can't even get a word out without him cutting me off or coming up with an instant solution to what we talk about. I never thought communication in my marriage would be so difficult. You would think 2 people who have been best friends since childhood would be able to talk the way they used to. Sometimes, I get this lingering feeling in the back of my mind, wondering if our marriage is what changed the shift in our communication. I don't really know, but I need to find out.
By Jamie Coleman4 years ago in Confessions
Maybe it was really never meant to be or it wasn't for me
“Life has ways of surprising us”, that’s what I always say to myself whenever I see a happy couple walking with their children across the street. I say that not because am jealous of them or anything, it’s just a way of reminding myself of the life I had dreamed of since I was a little girl in kindergarten but did not get. You see I was born in a very big traditional extended family and by default I knew that one day when I grow up, I would want a family though it didn’t have to be big and extended considering the times we’re living in. With that in mind, I always prayed to every night before sleeping that I would find a man who would sweep me off my feet. Mark you, I was still young by the time I started this practise of praying to after all, that’s how most children are brought up. Luckily for me, I was a bright kid from the word go so my early school years kind of passed away so fast without me even noticing. My troubles and worries would later start in high school. I was still the same blonde girl with glasses who scored straight A's in every subject except that I hadn’t found a boyfriend or to be frank, no boy had showed any interest in me. That really worried me every now and I started feeling like I was not enough infront of my friends, who for your own information were all coupled. Every summer holiday,the only time I saw my parents, I would complain to them on how the boys hadn’t approached me and their reply was always, “the right one for you is on the way”. This made me sort of doubt the prayer I had always recited since I was young. “Am I praying the wrong way?”, I asked myself this question on many occasions. Most of my friends had it all,the boyfriend stuff and this made me wonder what they ate that I was not eating. Despite my anger at God, I did not get a boyfriend any sooner and that’s how I graduated high school still single. Okay, that felt like a slap in the face for sometime but realizing that I still had college and a whole life ahead of me kind of eased the pain. But a few weeks to the start of college, the worries came back again full force like an angry storm. I was joining medical school and I had heard the stories where everyone there was as busy as a bee including the boys. I assumed that if highschool was purgatory, college was going to hell, I could not stand any chance. In college,some things sort of changed. I made some new friends as many of the old ones had moved to different states. My straight blonde hair had become curly, something I hated and my sight had also worsened but one thing never changed, my grades. I was still a top achiever despite the fact that medical school was no holy ground. I had finally convinced myself that I did not need a boyfriend to feel complete. Hanging out with friends was enough to make me go through some of those hectic weeks. And then one day, it happened, the thing I had always prayed for. Actually Mark and I first met at the farmer’s market, of all places. He had not stopped looking at me throughout the whole time I was shopping. It was there that I first had those butterflies in the stomach feelings that my friends had always described. We hit it off from there and every moment after that day made me feel like Alice in wonderland. Mark was charming, intelligent and full of humor. He even liked this curly hair that I hated about myself. I was in love and it felt crazy, in a good way. It was like this was the last miracle Jesus had forgotten to perform. As our love for one another grew, I learned that this was probably not Mark’s first relationship although on my part, it was but that did not bother me, I knew deep down that he loved me. As they say, “time flies so fast for lovers” and before we knew it, we were both graduating college. This next chapter of my life felt so exciting. I was going to get the careeer I had always dreamed of but above all, I was going to share it with the person I loved most. We had both agreed on getting married after school because that’s when it would feel right. We visited each other’s families, made plans about the wedding and next thing we knew, we were on the altar on a sunny summer afternoon somewhere in Southern California surrounded by friends and family. This was indeed a dream come true. A year later,we bought a house in the pinnacle, the Woods and the forest in Coto de Caza, Orange County and I gave birth to our first son, Michael. He was a happy child, always full energy just like an angel. At the same time, Mark got a big promotion at work which was also good news. Our family had started growing slowly by slowly and it was the envy of many people. In our second year of marriage, things started changing, Mark seemed to be spending a lot of time at work even working overnight yet Michael and I needed him. It seems the promotion had come with strings attached. It was now that I discovered his porn and alcohol addiction and we immediately visited a therapist. During his therapy sessions, I realized he was overly stressed and this made worry to the bone. Meanwhile, our second child, Catrina came along and it was another blessing. Michael now had a baby sister. After my second birth, Mark talked to me about sterilization saying Michael and Catrina were enough to complete our family to which I agreed considering I had a beautiful career and did not want to become a stay-at-home mother. A few days after my operation, all hell broke loose when we received news that our children had some sort of degenerative disease. This personally turned my world upside down but I did not leave any room for my faith to wither. This chapter of our lives now included spending many hours in the hospital in addition to paying huge bills. In the middle of all this drama however something happened and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I found out that Mark had been cheating on me all this time with his personal secretary. This all felt like a war and that I was being attacked from all sides. But one thing was for sure, I was not going to give up on my kids even if someone I had trusted with my heart had already broken it. In the weeks that followed, I watched my kids' health detoriate so fast despite the doctors trying every medication. But I knew the truth, most degenerative diseases had no cure. Eventually one day, God decided to call Michael and Catrina into heaven. After their burial, what followed was some sort of messy divorce which almost drove me mad. I was too angry knowing no amount of property was going to make me a mother again. It was official, I would never be able to give birth again. After the divorce, Mark moved to New York City with his personal secretary and started a new life. My life became miserable as I returned back to my previous single lifestyle wondering if I was the cursed child of my family.
By Alana Zian4 years ago in Confessions
Finding New Love
My mom affectionately called me a ping-pong ball. Not only when it comes to my career endeavors and art projects but also when it comes to relationships. Just this past June, I ended a long-term relationship with a man who, after six-and-a-half years and plenty of placation, still couldn't find within himself to take the next step to commit.
By Jessica Gill4 years ago in Confessions
Diary
October 19th, 2016 Where will I meet him? Or her? Will I be seized with passion to go somewhere, be somewhere, because deep within I feel I have to? Because the soul calls to me and mine calls to it. The bond. The surreal bliss, passion, addiction, serenity but also filled with excitement, thrill, joy...
By Dea Kronyka4 years ago in Confessions
A Hopeless Crush
I know I have lots of life left to live but I want to share it with someone special. That’s not to say I need a significant other because I am extremely independent, however, it would be nice. The worst part of being single is that I’m a hopeless romantic, so every person I find attractive or develop minor feelings for my heart will go crazy. Once this happens I’ll start to fantasize about what it would be like to date them. It seems harmless because it’s all in my head but when I do this I always end up disappointed because my crushes never become anything more. Even though this is true it doesn't ever stop me from developing a crush, which leads me to my current hopeless crush. I won’t reveal too much about this person because I am afraid they will see this even though that most likely won’t happen, I’m not going to risk it, so for the sake of this story, I will call this person in august after all that’s when I met them.
By Marieann Inzunza 4 years ago in Confessions
Unrequited Love
I never meant to fall for him, this boy with dark brown hair and eyes that matched the color of the sea on a stormy day. I never meant to fall for his smirk as well as his smile and the way he seemed to never care about anything at all. I never meant to fall for him and maybe that's why I fell so damn hard.
By Penelope4 years ago in Confessions
To the one who broke me, when I was already broken.
Hello again, Enjoy, what I should have said to you a long time ago. No, before you ask, I am not writing this to get back at you. And I am most certainly not writing this to make you feel like you have won. Because, you did not win, if anything you should be ashamed of who you are, and I should have been smarter to know that you were trouble. I am not here to make you feel bad about yourself, you know, like the way you made me feel? I am a better person than that, and I do not have the capability of hurting people, but I will speak the truth about you, finally. And I am sure the other girls you completely shattered will thank me for this, too. I remember when we first met, I held the door open for you and you replied "Cheers," except I thought you were saying "Thank-you" in your language. So I did what any human who loves to learn would do, I went to Google and searched how you say "Thank-you" in your language. I found out how you say it, and I knew that was not what you said, but being the curious person I am I just had to know.... and also, shocker, I thought I could try to impress you if I learned a few words in your language. You messaged me on Facebook, do you remember that? (I even still have the messages) Hmm, probably not because I am sure you played that game many times. In fact, I know for certain you played that game many times. I knew what kind of person you were. I knew you thought you could get anyone you ever wanted, and the thing is, you were right, you absolutely could get anyone you want. Not just with your looks. You were good. At hurting people that is. Allowing them to think you were there to save them, then once you caught them you ruined them. I was not the only vulnerable girl who fell for you, as I hinted earlier. Anyways, back to where I left off. You messaged me on Facebook, and my goodness was I happy, I was so incredibly happy that I smiled that whole day, and let me tell you, not you, but everyone else reading this, that day was one of the worst days of my life. You were so sincere, I told you about what I was going through at that time, I told you how I was hurting and how I was no where near ready to pursue any type of serious relationship, because I was just about to end one very soon. And most importantly I was not looking for someone to use me for what disgusting, insecure guys use girls for, sex. You even said you would bring me ice cream because I was so upset, and you did, but ice cream can not fix what you did. I trusted in you, even when everyone told me not to. How stupid am I right? I stuck up for you, anytime anyone said anything bad about you, I was the first person to speak up and defend you. I did not believe the stories I heard about you because I wanted to get to know you for myself. That was nice of me wasn't it? I told you I was not the type of person to judge anyone until I got to know them, and you knew I stuck up for you. So a question, why did you let me do that? Why did you let me look like a fool? I will tell you why, you are the type of person that hides all of your emotions, you pretend you live in a world that is all rainbows and butterflies, when in reality your world is crumbling around you. And no, you are not the only one, people feel defeated every day, but it takes a beautiful person with a strong heart to admit that. So there I was, there we were, I gave you my heart, I gave you the chance to change the person everyone was right about, and you failed. One of your close friends told me that he thought you finally fell for a girl, me. He thought that you were going to change, that you were actually going to care about somebody besides yourself. And I thought you were different too, I thought you really cared for me. I remember going home one weekend, to do what I was planning to do, end my relationship. I remember being absolutely heart broken, I did not want to face what I knew I needed to do. You knew I was having a hard time, and you were there for me. The only time you ever talked to me about something serious was when I asked about your ex. You showed me the gift she made you and how she hurt you, she lied to you, and she broke you. Some days, I wonder if she is the reason you are who you are, she should not be, you should grow from the things she did to you. But honestly, who even knows if she did do that to you? All you did was lie, and frankly I never knew what to believe. But I felt sorry for you, and I still do. We were sort of going through the same thing, I feel like that is why we became so close. I did enjoy my time with you, until I realized you were only using me. You used me for everything, my body, my money, my car, and probably other things that I do not know about. I do not know exactly what your intention was, but I know you absolutely sicken me. You still never paid me back for all the food I bought you, and no I never asked for it back because again, I am a bigger person and honestly I just did not want to deal with you or face you anymore. You are the reason I am very cautious about people, now. I was too complicated for you, I was too emotional for you, this is what you told me. I forgot people hide their feelings now and I forgot caring for someone was an awful thing to do. Also, I had to start protecting myself, so I tried to forget about you. So we ended, you never looked me in the eye ever again. You walked away without any hesitation. Until, the day of our Spring Fling, in that moment you changed, again. I know, it is because I looked beautiful right? Or maybe because you thought you could get "lucky" again, well you thought wrong. The whole night you kept smiling at me, saying how great I looked, and I knew I looked amazing, that is what my plan was, I wanted to play my own little game with you, and it worked. You got to admire my beauty and my big heart for the last time. And when I left the party I had hoped you were ashamed of all you had done to me. I still hope you are ashamed to this day. Yes, I will forgive you because I know you are the one with the insecurity and like I said I only feel bad for you. But let me tell you, you hurt me the worst, out of any other relationship I have ever had, you broke me the most. I still wish the best for everyone I meet, including you. And I hope I was the last person you broke, if not, please, stop. No one deserves to feel that worthless and disrespected, I am strong enough to get through it, but others might not be as strong. Hearts are fragile, and you are incapable of protecting them, so do not try to. Thank you for making me a stronger and more insightful person.
By Katlyn Oliver4 years ago in Confessions
Cut It. I Won’t Cry. Or how one evening adventure can last for years.
When I moved to Lisbon at some point, I felt like a soldier on a mission. Besides the exciting feeling of novelty offering unlimited possibilities to rewrite my entire life, I felt like I had to cut every excessive piece of my personality. Starting with hair.
By Helen Vechurko 4 years ago in Confessions
Finding a New World
Married for thirty-two years and widowed for eight for a total of forty years makes me the newest kid on the social interaction block. Facebook and Instagram have been my first two social media accounts. Just recently found out that I was going a bit too fast for the comfort of someone I felt a genuine liking to, she kind of likes me also. But that is all and wants us to be ‘just friends’. The more I reach out the less she responds. I guess this is part of the new way things are handled today. You are supposed to get it that if they don’t answer, it means they are not that into you and to leave it at that.
By Ismael Fernandez4 years ago in Confessions
