Second Time Around

"When I wake up in the mornin' love", the words of Bill Withers broke the still of the morning as I reached for my phone to silence the alarm. Usually, those words were comforting, but not today. There was no way I was ready to face this milestone. Snooze, yes, that's it, a few more minutes before I must face the reality of another birthday, snooze. If only I could put this day on snooze.

Less than 15 minutes later. Vibrations, and not the good kind. Guess there was no use in delaying the inevitable; my body was turning 40; whether I liked it or not, I might as well get my mind in the game. I lie there listening as my phone danced on the nightstand marking the arrival of messages from my parents and friends. I might as well face the day; I wasn't getting any younger laying around.

"Come on, Nia, sit up," I coached myself. Reaching for the phone, I skimmed messages from my friends and family. I was thankful for them but starring at the pillow beside me, empty and undisturbed, it felt like I was getting love from everybody, but the somebody I needed. Where was he this time, work? Gym? Who knew anymore? It was anywhere but here. He rarely slept upstairs anymore anyway. He says it's the long hours and not wanting to wake me, but something's been missing for months now.

[Ding]

"Happy Birthday Beautiful"

A text message appeared across the screen, bringing a slow smile to my face. A few weeks ago, I got a direct message from an admirer during yet another night home alone. I was hesitant to answer because even at our worst, I am still married, but I was lonely. After a few conversations, it was nice to be heard, seen, and appreciated again as a woman. Dante reminded me of when Chris and I started. He was passionate and driven, cultured, well-traveled, and a foodie at heart. We spoke about meeting one night, but we both knew that would never result in anything in real life. So, for now, I was fine living in the fantasy where a man would want to come home on time and spend an evening with me.

But reality has a way of slipping in and wrecking a fantasy at the worst time. My reality was a woman named Adrienne, or as I know her, mom.

"Hi, mom," I crocked, pushing through the breaking fog left in my throat.

"Hi honey, Happy Birthday!" my mother exclaimed, entirely too loud for this early in the morning. "I texted you, and you didn't reply. Your father and I wanted to catch you before you started the day."

"Mom, I was sleeping. We don't all get up at 4 AM," I replied, half annoyed.

"It's good to get an early start on the day, sweetheart. Is Chris there? What do you have planned---?".

"You have a visitor," the house AI announced as I turned on the bedside monitor to see the door.

"I don't know his plans, Mom; listen, I have to go, there's someone at the front door. I'll call you back later," I replied quickly, ending the call before she could object. Chris and I weren't something I wanted to talk about right now.

Grabbing my robe, I headed into the hallway.

[Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz] Whoever was at my door was and wouldn't quit ringing the bell.

"I'm coming, I'm coming, give me a break," I yelled, echoing into the empty house as I ran to open the door.

"Happy Birthday!" oldest friend Brandi exclaimed as she pushed past me, heading towards the kitchen. “I brought you breakfast from your favorite place”, she screamed over her shoulder and it reminded me why we were friends. She was effortlessly thoughtful.

"Listen," Brandi continued unpacking, "I can see from your robe; you have no intention of getting dressed, and I know you aren't really into celebrating, but I figured I’d drop off this cake and champagne just in case."

"You know me too well," I replied, accepting the drink. "I'm sorry, but I am not in the celebrating mood; I just want to go back to bed, but I maybe I’ll have a mimosa before my second nap."

"Where's Chris anyway? Brandi questioned, already knowing the answer. “I didn't see his car in the driveway. Off to another early meeting?"

"Who knows" I replied. "I doubt Chris even knows what day it is."

"Well, I guess it's good Dante has a calendar, huh" Brandi joked as she packed to leave. "I'll leave you to your day; please try and do something other than sleep through it."

As my best friend, Brandi knew all my secrets, the good, bad, and the ugly, and she never judged me for it. She knew about my little escape into Dante and was okay with it if my fantasy remained online and not IRL (in real life). As she pulled out, I looked at the empty spot in our driveway and wondered what Chris was doing. Walking into the first-floor bedroom nearest his office, it was untouched. Did he sleep here last night?

[Buzzzz] The doorbell again. This time It was a delivery man.

"Delivery for Mrs. Crane" the young man smiled as he handed me an oversized bouquet and card.

After inspecting the card for a signature, I found none. The outside read simply 'To Celebrate You' and inside a short, printed message:

40 stems and a day of fun fit for a queen

And top it off with a date night with love unseen.

While I knew they weren't from Chris (he wasn't the romantic type lately), I had only one other person I could think of who would send me 40 long stem red roses. It had to be Dante.

Lifting the phone to text him, I got a message from Chris instead. "Had a work meeting on the green. A partnership may be in the future with Cragen. Maybe we can have him and his wife over for dinner next week. I will catch a bite after the game. Don't wait up." I laughed to myself before sending the dutiful wife a reply message of "Of course." Of course, I must agree, what choice do I have. He's been pursuing this partnership for years, and all the extra hours lately have put him up for consideration; I couldn't say no, but I am not dealing with that today. Today was about me.

[Buzz] I opened the door, and in walked a team of three. Dressed in printed tees identifying them as Mobile Makeover, they were hired to give me a head-to-toe spa day. For the better part of the day, I was manicured, massaged, and groomed into a new woman; all the time, they wouldn't identify who sent them.

As they departed, another delivery man approached the door totting several packages. I accepted them in awe and sat down in the foyer to text+- Dante.

"I cannot believe you did this all for me. Thank you for being so thoughtful."

I hit send and immediately began unwrapping the mountain of bags/packages in front of me. When I finished unwrapping, there was an entire outfit from accessories to footwear laid out for me and reflected my sizes and taste perfectly. I couldn't believe Dante listened to details I said in passing and remembered them so precisely.

[Ding] His response came through as I cleaned up the last scrap of wrapping paper.

"You are more than welcome, and I hope everything fits your liking. Now would you mind giving me the gift of your company this evening? It's been a long time coming, and I would love to help you celebrate". Dinner tonight at Escondido at 8 PM.

Chris hadn't seen me as much more than a housewife for his dinner parties in a long time. So I jumped at the chance and replied

"I'll be there."

And I was

7:00 PM, and I pull into the valet and hand the 20something my keys. His eyes light up at the chance to drive Chris' Aston just a few feet to the designated lot. I sat at the bar and ordered a glass of Merlot, hoping to calm my nerves. It was earthy and I let it roll over my tongue while I took in the room. Looking around the restaurant looking at the room. My mind started to drift to Chris. He loved to people-watch; we would spend hours sitting in restaurants creating backstories for the patrons.

The longer I sat there, the more vivid that memory became, and I headed to the restroom to gather myself. In the restroom mirror away from the exhilaration of the day, I came face to face with myself and the idea of finally meeting Dante; I began to have second thoughts. Do I want this? It worth all that could be lost. I mean, Chris and I have many good years. Is it worth it just because he's working overtime to reach his dreams, and I feel a bit neglected?

Walking out of the restroom, I made a left, walked past the hostess, through the front door, and back to the valet. I'd realized it wasn't worth it.

Waiting on my car, I sent Dante a simple text.

"I'm sorry I can't. Thank you for reminding me of who I am."

As I pulled into our driveway, the house was dark. It had been an hour since I left the restaurant, and no reply from Dante. Heading toward my bedroom, I saw the light from under the door, so when my phone dinged, I ignored it.

Opening the door, Chris was sitting on the bed. He didn't mention my clothes or how I looked, and I didn't say anything about him missing my birthday. Instead, I sat next to him and put my head on his shoulder. Together and we sat in silence for a while.

After a bit, he squeezed my hand and offered to pour me a glass of wine while I changed. I accepted.

Alone, I took the opportunity to read Dante's message.

"I hope you find what you are looking for."

I shot off a reply and put down my phone seconds before Chris re-entered the room.

"Beautiful flowers," Chris noted.

"What?" I replied, playing ignorant, but truthfully, I'd forgotten the flower delivery throughout the evening.

When Chris didn't push, I decided it was time to come clean. I laid it all out for him and waited for him to reply. To scream, yell or say something, but he didn't. Instead, he showed me his phone screen. I was confused until I looked down at the screen and saw my last text to Dante.

"I have."

I kept re-reading the message while Chris confessed that he realized that our spark had dulled, and he created Dante to remind us of all the things we had in common and used to love about one another. Before the arguments, long nights, meetings, and life obligations. He'd planned the entire day in hopes of making me feel special and was at the restaurant waiting to let me in on the secret when I opted to stand "Dante" up.

I was shocked. Chris was my blind date, my Dante. How'd did I not see it? I grabbed the glass of wine he'd given me off the side table and finished the drink. This truth was a lot to process.

After a few minutes, I got up and headed toward the bedroom door.

"Where are you going?" Chris asked.

"Downstairs, we still have a few hours left for my birthday to celebrate, and there's a cake and bubbly in the fridge with my name on it." I turned and reached for his hand. "You still up for our first date"?" I asked.

"Of course," Chris replied as he put down his phone and took my hand.