Word of the Day: 発展

I am pretty taken down right now. I have Jahon over, he is sleeping in the bed. I am sort of waiting until tomorrow when he as to "work" to break up with him again. Also it is kind of crazy but Nam and Garth both sort of awoken from somewhere and are all of a sudden asking me how I feel and such. I am taking my chances with them rather than this psychopath any longer. I just, feel like there is nothing there. Yes maybe we care for each other and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. But, I can't take the karma and punishment of his crimes any longer.

I am not going to blame all Russians based on his actions, I think that he is just not a suitable match for me. I thought he was clever, but he is just actually a liar and brags about lying. He wanted to take me to a sex club just to hang out but, I mean, first off his sex is like a 4/10 at best and he is reluctant to listen to where I want to go or what I want to do so, I don't really want to live with someone who doesn't really do even give and take. I mean, even if he wanted to decide all the places we go, he could at least help me with my todo list that he sees me struggling with. Instead, we basically wrestle around in the living room, messing up 400 pages of my perfectly organized thesis and tipping over furniture. Then he brags to me about doing this sort of destructive thing on purpose. I am almost positive that he is a narcissist now.

I even have bruises on my arms at this point and look drained af. I also have to check for dieseases now because, he doesn't wear a condom when having sex with me. Unfortunately, that matches a few other guys as well but, that was more of a heat of the moment thing rather than this complete disregard for my wishes. You could say he is raping me but, I don't really want to give him the satisfaction of affecting me in any way. I am loyal to my todo list, that is all. That is the bottom line, that is the only thing that has ever mattered.

Yes, I know there are going to be people who don't agree with what I did myself. I mean, I was the one who contacted him after so long. I made another mistake. I do wonder if it was because of the weed. I mean, it might've been dragging me down into a lower frequency where he resides, and maybe my subconscious clung too close to the past hurts he gave me.

I know that we are actually spiritually connected. We have an extraordinary telepathy with each other and he actually has a wide field within his energy. I don't know if this a Russian thing or just him. Either way, he is abusing this power, as people with powers do. And I just am sort of done with the abused. I did cry a little but, just a short time in the shower. But I recovered so quickly and looked at myself pretty proudly in the mirror knowing that, I have survived almost everything that has been put on my path. I am determined to not let this experience ruin my goals and dreams for success.

He's just sleeping in the bed now, and I have a long night shift, waiting for tomorrow.