Plata

I stopped using Habatica because it was making me more neurotic. I had a habit where it was killing my character if cried and I gained gold when I laughed so, it is sort of was supporting some sort of dopamine addiction rather than making me more productive.

Because I always felt crying was very draining and would take me out for the whole day. My mom, as the Pisces she is, would say that, " It's cathartic to cry. " Well, sometimes when people start crying, they don't fucking stop so stop giving me shitty advice.

Anyway, I finally did it. I finally left the house. I don't really know where I am going but I am confident I am not going back. Despite all the nay sayers. The problem in front of me now is: Do I stay in town for now since it is getting to be night or should I just try to go north like I planned? Like some night travel? I never been homeless before so, I don't know which is the safest to do.

I went into a bar just to use the bathroom but decided to get a non-alcoholic drink. While I was drinking it, a cute quirky guy came in that was.. eh, he wasn't my type actually but I'd be more inclined to talk to him if he didn't drag in his motorcycle helmet in. I would've been more inclined to talk to him if I weren't carrying like 60+ pounds in my backpack on my back and obviously look like I am displaced. I was partially embarrassed by that, but also I kind of... just wanted to keep my peace of mind. I was more than content to just listen to all the conversations going on around me, but the more the energy gathered, the more I felt myself sucking my energy back into myself just to stay composed. All the same insecurities that bars brought me in the past sort of was just budding up. Bars have never been a good place for me, but the bartender was kind and said I didn't have to pay since it was just water.

I actually need to charge my headphones so, I stopped by a McDonalds with free wifi. I feel like I should be fine as long as I make check points during my travel. I never made a trip itinerary before besides that random chinese woman asking me in Japanese where was good places to go in Japan. I don't know if she was mocking me for having a Japanese nickname or if she thought I was Japanese/living in Japan. Haha. I did find some Onsen that looked like it would match her glamourous look. I figured she was probably some sort of influencer so I was like, " Ah, this one overseeing the river is probably good. " Seeing cold water while being in hot water.. seemed peaceful and lux.

I am going to try to work as much as I can in this place, use the bathroom, then be on my way. I don't think I am sabotaging anything by not being in my mom's house. My productivity and endeavors are 100% online, for good or worse.

This is going to be my first night sleeping outside. I did think about becoming a hobosexual just for the night but I worried how much more draining that would be and I rather sleep in a fucking field than deal with another person today. Fuck, I could've went with Jason, but I feel like that was a fucking scam.

I feel stupid though because I left my best charger at the bar. I do have a dinky spare but I am wondering if I should go back and get it? It would be a lot more walking so I am not sure if I am really wanting to do that in actuality. I might go tomorrow but I feel like going backwards is going to deter me too much.