Next steps

Today is Venus trine Jupiter:

This transit could lead to a well-deserved income boost or a surge in your self-worth, given that sweet Venus, your ruler, is now in your daily routine and wellness sector as it connects with fortunate Jupiter in your money zone.

I broke my white candle stick I bought from the Inner Oasis. I don't know if it is bad to use it or not. I feel like it is bad luck. My feet are super sore and dry lately. The change in the wind concerns me, I don't feel like it is a good sign.

My energy unfortunately is being drained from me. It might be the room or it might be Jahon, I don't know. It also might be my mom and Peter, either way this room is sort of fucked up. I need to move really badly.

I don't think Jahon will listen to me about moving in. Actually, I gave him a secret ultimatum today. Either give me 100 dollars to make up for the wasted time that could've been dedicated towards my Healthy Wage bet for 2000 dollars or he has to leave me alone until after January.

I haven't gotten an answer back yet, and I am still pretty drained today, but I am looking forward to hearing his reply. This will let me know how I can go forward after this. I have agonized over this for too long so, it needed to come to a head.

A part of me is sort of thinking, " am I being too harsh? " But really, if he doesn't have 100 dollars to give to his 'girlfriend', that is his problem. I don't think that is a lot to ask for. I've paid for hotels, I've paid for gifts for him. I mean, he has too. He bought me flowers on my birthday and he did pay for hotels before but, I mean... I am still pissed about him not bringing me juice when I asked for juice. I don't want to be in a constant lesson of patience. I didn't want a boyfriend who brought me closer to god or whatever, appreciating everything and fostering gratitude, I want to evolve and become stable.

There's no motivation here to grow. But really, since it is a new day I do feel a bit more energetic so, I am not going to go wasting it on stupid shit.

It is Sunday so, I can't really do anything "official" so, I need to use today to prepare for Monday. I don't know if I want to go around with Alix tomorrow. I feel I need a bit more time by myself. If that is the case, I need to write her a message before then. I don't even want to see that Kim woman. I am not annoyed right now, but if I keep thinking about it, I will be annoyed.

I think he understands though, when we were eating these random tomatoes (they were good though..) and Vareniki and talking about stuff... He talked about the Visa thing again. I actually was more receptive about it but he talked about how scrutinizing the process is, also it costs 15,000 dollars for a lawyer for that. So, I don't know if he is just willing to accept fate and go back to Russia, or if he... I don't know, we were just talking.

I don't really feel connected to the ether today so, I am sort of happy about that. It was so dense these past couple of days it made me dizzy.

We were so tired we weren't even able to make the bed. He refused to help or he was too tired or hot or something. It was pathetic, we slept on a sheet with the ceiling fan just running. We can't even make a bed together.. Well we can but, I think we're just both very emotionally and physically exhausted.

We were just bumbling around and he asked for a massage, I massaged him as best as I can, he wanted a deep tissue massage so I kneaded him like bread. Honestly, when I rub him, I do feel lucky. His ectomorph frame sort of deceptive, if you feel his muscles, they're quite dense... they're just long.. I can't feel his sore spots though, I just feel tightness. That's just usually a sign of stress.

I think he was offended I didn't let him take a shower after sex. I didn't take a shower either, I just smelled like sex all day long. It was halfway because I felt like we didn't deserve a shower and also because neither of us are paying to stay here.

Everything is so confused right now, I think... Yea I am pretty sure it isn't language issues, I don't think we're on the same page. I mentioned some possible options going forward and he just seems really checked out. I can't really do anything if that is the case.

Just help yourself.

Okay... I will do that.