Just A Local Girl

Living in the south of France is a dream for most people. With its 300 days of sun and being considered a playground for the rich and famous, you would think everyone living here would be on cloud nine. I wish that was me. While it is a beautiful place to live, being a local has its drawbacks. Namely, always being left behind. When I was younger, it wasn’t such a big deal. You know what they say about kids being resilient and all. It wasn’t until I got older and started being noticed by the vacationers that I realized how much it sucked to always be the one waving others off. Back to their real lives, their real friends, their new adventures. While I stay here and go back to my boring life, waiting for the next high season to meet new people and make new friends.

For a while, there was one constant in the summers for me. Joshua Madison. Even now, thinking of his name brings tears to my eyes. For the past six summers, he has vacationed here with his family. He comes from a family that is beyond wealthy. They all act like it too. Except him. He’s always been plain old Josh. He first came here when we were both sixteen. It all started so innocently. He was a cute boy to flirt with during the summer months. Something different than all the other local boys I see year-round. It didn’t take long before that morphed into a friendship. He could see past my shallow flirting and I could see beyond his too cool for school attitude. When we realized there was more to each other than what we showed to the world, that’s when our relationship truly deepened. From the late nights telling each other our deepest secrets to the days spent on the water just enjoying each other, we were best friends. It wasn’t until two summers in that we took each other’s virginity. It was so natural. I had heard so many horror stories from my friends about their first time. Almost everyone I know regrets their first time. Not me though. With Josh is was just right. It wasn’t planned but when he asked me if I was feeling the same thing, I was, I couldn’t deny it. I was. The first time wasn’t earth shattering but we laughed our way through it because we were just that comfortable with each other. The second time was better and every time after that was amazing. Even thinking back on it now, after everything, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Funny thing about me and Josh. We never talked about a future together. We always talked about what we wanted to do, where we wanted to go but neither of us ever included the other in those plans. It’s like we both knew subconsciously. I know he never wanted to work for his father. He dreamed of being an adventurer. I don’t think either of us really knew what that was. In my mind, an adventurer is more of a Bear Grylls kind of character drinking snake urine or something like that. He laughed when I told him that. To him, being an adventurer meant taking control of your life and just doing whatever you wanted. At the time I didn’t understand that he really wasn’t free to do whatever it is he wanted. All those dreams and secrets he and I shared were just that, dreams that would forever be secrets. What I didn’t understand but he always knew, was that his life was never his own. He was always going to work for his father. His life was mapped out for him before his birth even and I was nowhere in that plan. I was just a local girl who helped him forget his troubles for a season.

Even knowing that now, I still have no regrets. This was the last season I would have with Joshua Madison. He would never come here again. It was time for him to give up his childish fling with the local girl who would never be anything else and start moving into his future. I could actually feel my heart breaking when he told me that. I remained stoic though. I refused to be that girl. I refused to let him know that just that morning I had confirmed that he was leaving not just me behind. I just let him say what I knew it was killing him to say and then I told him to be happy. As we stared into each other’s eyes one last time, we both knew that wasn’t his story. Being happy wasn’t a part of his mapped-out life.

Now I’m sitting here on the beach watching the yachts sail away. Another summer coming to an end and the only thing to show for it is the ships littering the Mediterranean on their way back to their home ports. I know Josh is on one of them. When my mom told me that some people were in your life for a season, I didn’t understand. But now I do. Josh and I weren’t meant to be forever. We were meant to have our season before he sailed off to his life and I accepted the fact that I would always be the local girl left behind.