Judged

Your hair's too long.

Your hair's too short.

You're too fat.

You're too skinny.

You focus too much on your looks.

You should focus more on your appearance.

You're such a nerd.

You're so dumb.

Can't you just be perfect?

"I want long hair," a short-haired girl wishes.

"I want short hair," a long-haired girl says, looking in the mirror.

"I want curly hair," a straight-haired girl groans, struggling with hair curlers.

"I want straight hair," a curly-haired girl mutters, trying to brush her curls .

"I wish I could be more pretty," a nerd sighs, doing her skincare routine.

"I wish boys would stop asking me out," a popular girl thinks to herself, staring at the obnoxious boy in front of her.

"Why can't I be more athletic?"

"Why am I so ugly?"

"Why can't I just be smarter?"

"Why do I look like this?"

"Why can't I be rich?"

"Why can't I be White?"

"Why can't I be more like them?"

We get judged. Every day. We, as humans, are jealous creatures. School. Work. Friends. Family. Strangers. Envy. Jealousy. Hate.

Those are all perfect adjectives that describe the darker side of humans. Yes, we can be caring to our friends, listening to every detail they share about their problems with friends, boys, girls, families. Yes, we can be caring to our kids, our parents, our siblings. But there isn't one person on this planet that hasn't felt the need to be more like someone and less themselves.

As a high school student, I see it all and face it all. The constant judgement; the subtle glance at the other girl- what is she wearing? Or, the thoughts that fly around in a tutor's head as they stare at their tutee struggling- how stupid can you get? Or maybe even the shouting from the car as a person drives in a car, away from a homeless man- why can't you just get a freaking job?

And I get judged too- whether it's glances, verbal comments, texting, or even the smallest of hints; a flare of the nose, a narrowing of eyes, comically raised eyebrows, the corners of one's mouth turning downwards.

"Cute...shorts," a girl in my PE class once said to me in the locker rooms. My best friend turns and laughs gently.

"Oh please. Those shorts make her look like a grandma!"

Hurt, embarrassed, I glare at my friend, annoyed that she would even say that. She doesn't notice and resumes slipping on her Lululemon leggings.

I haven't worn those shorts since that day.

"Girl, you can do so much better than him," an obnoxious girl in my orchestra class laughs after I finish talking to my friend, a guy.

"Oh, we're not dating," I fake smile at her.

"Oh thank GOD! I thought you didn't have any taste for a second," the girl places a hand to her chest in relief.

I turn around to leave, annoyed by her comment. I look at my friend again. Maybe she's right.

"Why can't you be more like your friend, the smart one?" my mom yells at me after I get a 78 on a geometry test.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I mutter.

"He's in AP Pre-Calc, bless him, and he seems to be doing better than you. Why can't you be better in biology as well? You have an 87 in simple Honors Biology, and he has a 91 in AP Environmental Science!"

"Does it matter what he does?" I snap.

"Yes."

I really do wish sometimes that I could be more like Jonathan though. The epitome of a perfect child. Latin. Volleyball. Three AP classes just as a freshman. Two grades ahead in math.

Why?

We get judged. Every day, every second. And we do the judging too. I catch myself thinking, "Oh those leggings do not work those shoes- what is she doing?" Or, "Does she really think that she's going to be able to go out with him? She must be delusional." Humans, like I said, are jealous creatures. We strive to be perfect, and we can do whatever it takes to make people imperfect...even if it's ourselves.

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Thank you for reading this!

I hope you enjoyed this piece, and I look forward to writing my next article!

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