Is It Love?

One day, you meet someone. At first, it seems too good to be true. You seem to get along so well. Too well actually. FINALLY, it feels like you have met a compatible person who seems to understand you! They appear to be a good listener, almost too good of a listener. Then, comes the Love bombing behavior. Love Bombing? You know, the type of behavior that is often displayed at the beginning of a relationship, where the partner displays lots of attention, showering you with endless compliments and or over the top affection. It becomes clingy. Then, the behavior becomes possessive. Your significant other once made you feel like you were their world. They made you feel like they could not live without you. All of a sudden that “love bombing”behavior blows up in your face like a bomb. Your significant other transforms into someone who you don’t recognize. Now, they use the past against you. It explains why they had listened to you so intently in the beginning. They don’t listen to you any longer and have become insanely stubborn. If you make a mistake, you are criticized to no end; and, those sweet words that were once spoken to you by your partner, have been exchanged for verbal abuse. You always find yourself confused and apologetic for behavior that is not your fault. All your significant other does is guilt trips you, manipulates you, and deflects their negative behavior on you. Your partner is never accountable. Everything is your fault. You break up and they do everything possible to win you back. When you reconcile, the relationship only gets worse. Empty promises, broken promises. They want more details about you; yet, when you ask them questions, they are evasive. Instead, your significant other is accustomed to habitual lying, mysterious and shady behavior. You don’t feel like a respected individual. You feel broken and don’t even recognize yourself. You cannot remember the last time that you were happy. When you leave them for good, they unleash pure hell on your life! Sounds Familiar? I am sure that many of you can relate. Certainly, I can relate. This is NOT love! This is Narcissistic Abuse. You have encountered someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

Let me define what Narcissism Personality Disorder is. It is a personality disorder. Moreover, it is a mental condition in which a person has an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration. A narcissist lacks empathy for others. Often, they manipulate and guilt trips others to get what they want. On the surface, they exude confidence; however, underneath the surface, they are fragile individuals with extremely low self esteem.

If you have encountered a narcissistic person, then you know all too well what it is like to deal with them. It is a traumatic experience. They are abusive; more psychological and verbal than physical. Sometimes, a narcissist inflicts all three types of abuse, even financial.

The purpose of my article is not to bash narcissistic individuals, while it seems justified to do so. The reason is that these types of individuals are amoral and inflict so much pain on victims that it can take years to recover from. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I know the painful experience all too well. The purpose is to help my readers to identify the red flags and to prevent long lasting relationships with them.

What are the red flags? Or, How do you know that you have encountered a Narcissistic Individual?

Narcissistic characteristics are:

Lack of empathy but the person who lacks empathy wants empathy

Arrogance

Insecurity

Possessiveness

Manipulation and Gaslighting. Such tactics are mentally abusive and will leave you questioning your own sanity.

The narcissist is never accountable for their negative behavior. They make excuses as to why they had reacted towards you in a negative manner. It will always be your fault. Even if they apologize, the behavior never changes and gets worse. The narcissist is always the victim.

Passive aggressiveness

Your boundaries are not respected. NO never means NO to them.

There is no remorse for their bad behavior.

Now that you are aware of the signs, once you meet someone, who displays such behavior, walk away. Don’t give any chances. They are not deserving of them. Your love will NOT change them.

What do you do if a person doesn’t show these signs at first?

Take your time to get to know a person. Don’t fall for the whirlwind romance. A narcissist pretends to fall in love easily or tries to get you to fall in love with them quickly. Sometimes, they come off as SUPER nice. Super friendly. Practical. However, take your time to get to know a person. Time reveals the truth about someone’s character.

Narcissists, we have all encountered them. Either they are a family member, a significant other, co-worker or a friend. Don’t be afraid of them. Don’t become paranoid of them. Be aware of who they are and what they are capable of doing. Never show them weakness, unfortunately they prey on the weakness of another person. The only way to win in this situation is to leave them alone.