I Won’t Compromise Myself for You Anymore

Every time my friend wanted to go out, she always asked her boyfriend’s opinion first.

If he hesitated, she knew he didn’t really want to go, so she just gave up.

But once, when they went to a concert, he agreed readily—only to fall asleep during the show.

She realized that her partner was holding himself back to make her happy, but she still couldn’t feel happy.

He was the one who said “I’m fine with anything,” so why agree and then ruin the mood?

Until she heard him say: “If I didn’t agree, you’d complain that I never go anywhere with you.”

It seems like they’re considering each other, but in the end, neither is truly cared for.

The words “I’m fine with anything” sound so familiar.

Every time I go home, my mom asks what I want to eat, and I always say, “Anything’s fine.”

Then she brings back the same food from yesterday, and I complain: “Why are we eating this again?”

But I was the one who said “anything” first.

We often mistake “compromise” for “care,” but they’re not the same.

“Compromise” means wronging yourself to please others—a tactical concession, an easy way out.

By saying “anything,” it feels like we’ve washed our hands of the decision.

But when the outcome disappoints us, we blame the other person for not doing better.

“Care” means meeting the other’s real needs—it’s long-term support.

No matter what choice the other makes, we accept it willingly.

Until this holiday—

My friend and I deliberately expressed our preferences.

She wanted to go to the U.S., so she went with other friends. At Yellowstone Park, she sent me photos, saying it felt like our college trip days again.

The next morning after I got home, my dad only made oatmeal, which I don’t like, so I simply went out and bought bread.

I suddenly realized—when I stopped pushing responsibility onto others by letting them choose—

But instead actively fulfilled my own wants—that’s when I felt truly happy.

True care starts with meeting your own needs first, then supporting others’.

That way, no matter the outcome, we won’t resent the other’s choice.

This kind of care is wholehearted support.

It reminded me of many things from my childhood.

For example, my parents always told me to give in to my younger brother.

Sometimes it meant my parents gave him an extra egg, sometimes an extra piece of cake.

But those seemingly small “concessions” stuck with me all the way through high school.

I would save part of my meal allowance to secretly buy snacks just for myself.

My parents often said to “put myself in others’ shoes,” so when my brother refused chores as a kid, I would do them out of fear of being scolded—only to resent my parents later for spoiling him.

When we hide our own needs, we eventually make up for them in other ways.

It might be an odd form of compensation, or an emotional outburst.

Because such concessions aren’t real care—they’re a kind of loss.

A relationship should be about mutual giving and sharing.

It should make both people happy,

Not about one person being wronged so the other can feel happier.

Lastly

If you find yourself hesitating over small choices—like when he wants hot dogs, but you want sushi—don’t brush it off.

You could eat the hot dog first, then go for sushi, or pack both and enjoy them together at home.

Because hiding that hesitation is actually storing up energy—if you compromise this time, you’ll want your partner to compromise next time.

In the end, it just turns into endless scorekeeping about who gave in more.

We know our preferences best, and we should also be the ones who take them most seriously.