I Grew Up Feeling Ashamed of My Body

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and felt a pang of shame?

Have you ever wished that your body would be different and adhere to a social standard?

I have.

My journey with body image started long before I even understood the concept. It was ingrained in my upbringing and scratched into the streets I walked on, hearing the whistles or remarks of men goggling or ogling me.

Breaking free from the chains of shame

As a mother to my 3-year-old daughter, I have started reflecting lately on the traumas of my past. I am determined to shield her from the shame and bullying I suffered quietly.

Body shaming is, unfortunately, a haunting reality that many of us confront daily.

The neverending whispers in the school hallways and the subtle looks on the street. There is still this pressure to fit into society’s standards of beauty.

I grew up in an era when body positivity wasn’t a movement. It had always felt like I was misunderstood, struggling alone with my flaws, never fitting, and forever damaged. I had no idea about possible tools for empowerment.

Body-shaming knows no bounds

In high school, I suffered the most because of those who judged my body and clothes. I was cautious about what I wore because I didn’t want to hear men shouting after me on the street, so I tried to hide my body.

I was tall and thin—"too thin” for others. It now seems irrelevant to talk about my “flaws” back then, whether real or invented.

I look at the pictures from those years and see myself as beautiful. Unfortunately, back then, I didn’t think the same way. Moreover, my insecurities were triggered when I stepped out of the house.

I somehow felt I was carrying the burden of several generations of women who have gone through the same body-shaming and bullying at home, in their communities, or on the streets.

Have you also felt or gone through this during your school years?

The ordeal of body shaming in school

While writing this piece, I wondered when the seeds of doubt were sown about my body needing to be different.

I think the idea was planted in me from an early age by my parents because I was “too thin.” I don’t blame them now; they didn’t know better. I was born a preemie and somehow always had problems with “eating enough” (whatever enough meant back then).

I constantly remember discussions about the lack of appetite, what vitamins I needed to take, and effervescent minerals that were hard to find and were supposed to work wonders. They didn’t work.

I was a tall, thin, and healthy child, and, contrary to my expectations, “I didn’t gain an ounce of weight.” At least not while living at home.

Schoolmates and strangers on the street repeatedly told me that I was all skin and bones, like a twig, and that I had sticks instead of legs.

My best friend, who was also thin, was called a skeleton. The boys in our class joked that the wind could blow her away. Other girls were also taking part in these actions against us. It felt like we were cornered for our different looks.

Often, kids teased me, saying they could count my ribs, that I could hold water in my collarbone, or that I had white weapons instead of elbows.

The wilderness of ignorance

In the 1990s, nobody talked about body shaming or the bullying that comes with it. School always felt like a horrible place for me and my best friend.

In school, we didn’t even know these concepts existed. We didn’t know how to react or who to talk to. If I got upset, it meant I had no sense of humor, so the idea was to try to ignore it as much as possible and be a sport. During my school years, my self-esteem considerably decreased as I continued to ignore the problem. “Body image and self-esteem” is another related topic I plan to write about.

I am going to teach my daughter otherwise, because this is not what being a team player means. Being a sport doesn’t mean letting yourself be body-shamed and bullied.

Still finding excuses about those years of “freedom”

Those were the crazy years of freedom when everything seemed allowed. We didn’t have books or movies to teach us about this subject, and our parents were just as ignorant. There wasn’t any internet yet.

So yes, this is my way of trying to find excuses for the generations that practiced shaming without knowing the concept. I try to blame it on a lack of education or sources of information.

But here we are now: we have access to everything possible. We find articles on the internet and various scenes in movies. We talk about these topics on social media and in books.

We now discuss body shaming and bullying with friends, in therapy, and even with our parents. We transform into dragons when our children are victims of such behaviors.

And yet, body shaming, while more present in our lives, is also becoming more aggressive. It no longer comes just from men!

I remain perplexed when I hear a woman maliciously comment on how someone else looks, usually another woman (!), showing how to body shame and bully in front of her kids nonetheless!

I can’t believe that still today, there are people who believe our bodies should fit into certain patterns. The problem is not what others believe, but that they express their opinions publicly and that they judge and point fingers.

Barbie’s impact on body image

While researching this topic, I read an article that blew my mind. To get a background on the 1000 interviewed women: 88% of them had a Barbie doll growing up, and 45% have compared their appearance to a Barbie doll.

I was one of those women, too. I had a Barbie doll when I was 10 years old and I wanted to grow up and look like her. Well, I was already thin but didn’t look as confident and didn’t have such lovely clothes.

The article also states that the most common body parts women compare themselves with are their waist, legs, hair, and chest.

Amazingly, 53% of Gen Z women think Barbie represents the ideal body type, and 39% of Gen Z women consider Barbie to be a role model!

Toys are a big influence when it comes to gender neutrality. It turns out that more than 3 in 5 women (out of the total of 1000 interviewed)—62%—believe toys can encourage sexism!

Moreover, 31% have difficulty finding non-pink toys for girls. I have also experienced this when looking for toys for my daughter and my niece. You know, pink has only started being promoted for girls in the 19th century onwards.

“Prior to 1940, two conflicting traditions coexisted in the U.S., the current tradition, and its opposite, i.e., “blue for girls, pink for boys”. This was noted by Paoletti (1987,[2] 1997,[3] 2012[1]).” Wikipedia

According to the survey from the aforementioned article, 80% of women have labeled themselves as ‘fat’ and 27% started struggling with negative body image at age 10 or younger. Also, 79% have dealt with negative body image.

These statistics are worrisome, considering this is happening nowadays to our daughters and is still going to affect future generations.

And don’t let me start on the influence of body shaming on eating disorders. I plan to write about this separately in detail, but I wanted to share these numbers too. Somehow this doesn’t even come as a surprise, unfortunately, that 41% of Gen Z women have struggled with disordered eating, and 13% of Gen Z women have a diagnosed eating disorder!

When it comes to the influence of movies and shows on body image, a crazy percentage of 72% feel movies and shows negatively impact societal beauty standards, 56% believe it negatively affects their body image, and 71% feel movies and shows do not promote body positivity and diversity.

I feel lucky that we don’t own a TV, and somehow our kids are not exposed so much to media yet.

These statistics reveal how toys, media, and societal norms affect how women specifically perceive their bodies across generations. They show that many women experience body image issues and that cultural aspects like toys, movies, and societal expectations play an important part.

OK, so what next?

First of all, we talk about body image, body shaming, and the bullying that comes with them. We need to continue to raise awareness and start teaching these concepts in schools.

We should educate our children not just on arithmetic and grammar but also on the value of diversity and the dangers of judgment. Do you know of schools that teach these to kids in a serious way?

We need to remind ourselves that beauty knows no bounds. We should teach our kids that our worth transcends the confines of our bodies.

If 20 years ago we didn’t know how to name these toxic behaviors, now we do.

We should talk to our children about body shaming and bullying. We should help them understand and, when possible, speak out against them. We need to explain that these beliefs are harmful prejudices.

To wrap this up

As a mom to my daughter, I promise to protect her self-confidence and keep her safe from feeling bad about herself.

Let’s change how we think about beauty. Instead of seeing flaws as weaknesses, let’s see them as signs of how strong we are.

Let’s love our bodies and see them as full of potential, not something to judge!

We could create a world where love is everywhere and everyone feels beautiful inside and out. It’s up to us.

📩Have you or someone you know ever been body-shamed and bullied in school or later in life?

Please let me know in the comments if you feel like it, and let’s start a discussion on this topic. Because only by raising awareness and talking about these, can we help the next generation and also heal our traumas.

Sources:

• Body Image: https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/body-image.html
• Barbie: Bestie or Bad Influence? Women Open Up About Body Image Influences in 2023: https://www.harmonyhit.com/women-and-body-image-statistics-new-2023-data/
• Embrace the Body Movement : https://bodyimagemovement.com/#
• Generation Z: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z

***I originally published this article on Medium