I found the love I had lost

I'm a project director at a state-owned enterprise. My husband Lou Kai is a doctor. We have been married for five years, and our relationship has been very good.

I never thought that one day we would go our separate ways, and I never thought that our happy life would be turned upside down in just one year.On March 27 last year, my mother, the only family I have, closed her eyes forever.

On the same day this year, Lou Kai and I got divorced.

Two people closest to me, gone in different ways. It all seems like a dream, but the pain in my heart reminds me that everything has really happened.

After coming back from the Civil affairs Bureau, Lou Kai looked calm. He packed up his luggage and told me about water, electricity, property, gas and other trivial matters. Finally, he dragged two large boxes, before going out, also warned, remember to eat up the fruit and vegetables in the refrigerator as soon as possible, so as not to spoil.

He looked like he was going on a business trip and would be back in a few days. He was calm enough to let me gnash my teeth. What a day husband and wife a hundred days, men once ruthless up, turn face than turn a book also fast.

Watching his back, my mind went back to a year ago.

At the time, I was in an emergency meeting at a branch office. Everyone's phones were muted, and at the end of the long meeting, I found a dozen missed calls from Lou Kai on my phone. I immediately give back to the past, Lou Kai said: "Come back quickly, mom is not working."

Even though I had prepared myself, I didn't hold my nerve and cried in front of my colleagues. I immediately dropped what I was doing and bought the first available flight home.

At the hospital, Lou Kai was waiting for me in the corridor. Seeing me come rushing out of my mind, he took me in his arms and said, "Mom is gone."

When I saw my mother, she was lying under a white sheet, her face calm.

I cried and fell into Lou Kai's arms, regretting how I lost my head and went to other places when my mother was seriously ill.

As early as six months ago, my mother often felt uncomfortable, at the beginning, she did not take it seriously. Later, I took her to the hospital to check, was confirmed as lung cancer. At the time, I almost broke down.

Lou Kai accompanied me to consult with many experts and formulated the best treatment plan.

But when my mother's disease was found to be terminal, in the face of such a result, my mother is very calm, she said: "Don't be sad, your father has been waiting for me for a long time, you have a good home, see you and Lou Kai live a happy life, I just close my eyes and feel relieved."

Indeed, Lou Kai is excellent and considerate to me.

Soon after we got married, I took my mother, who lived alone, to my side. Lou Kai was very supportive. He was very filial and sweet.

After my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, he ran around, consulted with a lot of specialists to determine treatment options. Can not wait to accompany my mother to finish the first course of treatment, but the branch in other provinces out of an emergency, mister worried, almost blew my mobile phone. He repeatedly asked me to overcome the difficulties at home and rush to the branch to put out the fire, otherwise the development of the branch would be in trouble.

Looking at the mother in the hospital bed, my heart is like frying oil.

My mother told me, "Go ahead, I'm fine now. Besides, with Kev here, you have nothing to worry about."

Lou Kai also nodded to me: "Don't worry, I have." He held my hand firmly, which reassured me a lot. Ben wanted to hurry to finish the task and come back early.

When I got to the branch office, I found that things were not as simple as I thought, and I couldn't figure it out at that moment.

I was dragged into the project by a thousand circumstances. Thanks to Lou Kai, my mother was in good spirits. In the video, she repeatedly told me to work at ease and not to worry about her.

I don't think so, bad news will come, and now I haven't seen my mother for the last time, which I'm afraid will be a lifetime regret.

Lou Kai is in charge of my mother's future affairs.

After the funeral, I went to the hospital to get a death certificate. While waiting in the hallway, I saw Sister Chen, the nurse who had taken care of my mother before.

I quickly ran to her, want to face her to say thank you, Lou Kai is not in the ward, she is always taking care of my mother.

As I approached, I could hear Sister Chen walking and talking with other carers.

"Ah, OLD Chen, I HEARD THAT YOU WAIT ON THE CONDITION OF THE UPPER FAMILY is GOOD, daughters and SONS-in-law are promising, especially HER daughters, or take annual salary."

"What's the use of money? People just walked away. The old lady was also poor. Although she was admitted to the intensive care unit, her son-in-law was the master of the extubation."

"Not really? Extubation is a matter for people who can't afford it, not her family."

"Heart across the belly, intensive care unit a day more than 10,000..."Sister Chen's words like a thunder, I split, the whole person froze there.

Lou Kai himself is a doctor, my mother's hospitalization is arranged by him, I trust him 100%, how can he do so?

I turned around and went to the doctor's duty room. My mother's attending physician was surrounded by several patients, and I could only wait in a hurry.

Finally caught empty, I asked the attending physician aside, the mind of the question out.

The DOCTOR LOOKED HURRIED, BUT ANSWERED SIMPLY AND neatly: "AT THAT time, THE patient's family refused to have invasive intubation, and all operations were signed by the family."

I don't know how I walked out of the hospital that day, but I was on fire. Lou Kai, my husband, I trust the most people, how can he do it. When I think of the scene before my mother left, and think of Lou Kai's ruthlessness, tears roll down my face.

My dad died when I was 10, and my mom raised me as a college student by running a breakfast stand. She had worked hard all her life, and she was supposed to enjoy her old age, but she got a terminal illness.

Since my mother moved to my home, Lou Kai is better than my son, there is delicious never forget to leave a separate for him, he worked overtime and came back late, my mother will get up to see, all kinds of caring.

Several times, I complained bitterly to her, "Mom, you have to understand that I am your own."

My mother always reproached me by saying, "Silly, being nice to your son-in-law is all about your daughter."

Lou Kai always respected my mother, especially after she fell ill and I was ordered to go to another place in the face of crisis. He did his best to wait on my mother in the hospital without complaining.

It's all starting to come back to me, and I can't figure out, why would he decide to extubate? I'm the closest thing to my mom, so why should he make decisions for me? Besides, in my family's condition, the I.C.U. is not unaffordable. There seems to be only one explanation: no filial son. Besides, he's a doctor. He's used to life and death, and he knows that money can't save a life, so he doesn't want to waste it. How helpless my mother must have been in her last moments! Thinking about this, I could not bear it any longer, lying on the steering wheel sobbing.

Back home, Lou Kai was cooking and prepared several dishes.

I am not angry to hit a place, my mother's bones are not cold, he still has the mood to eat and drink, the heart is harder than stone. I walked right up to him and said, "What's going on with my mom dying?"

Lou Kai's eyes evasive for a moment, then gently said: "Mother's condition is suddenly deteriorating, the development of fast, I have called you several times, can not get through, mother sober insisted that do not want to delay your work, said you struggle to now is not easy, did not let you back."

"That's not what I meant."

"What's that?

"Pull out the -- tube." I stared, and every word came out of my teeth.

Lou Kai hung his head and did not speak for a long time.

The fire in my heart flared up and I shouted at him, "Speak up! I'll see what you can say. Who are you to make that decision for me? Who gives you the right, my mother is so good to you, you do this, or not a person?"

Lou Kai's face changed color and his lips trembled. He RAISED HIS HEAD AND LOOKED justified: "WANG Ke, you misunderstood, TO the dying patient, early relief is rational, this is mother's strong will."

"Don't be unreasonable! I never saw my mother last. I hate you so much!"

"Be reasonable. Mom's condition is deteriorating fast. After she goes into a coma, she's going to die soon."

"So you extubate? What a heartless thing to do. If it was your mother in that hospital bed, would you do it again?"

Lou Kai felt my mood, slumped down his head, no longer speak.

Looking at the man I had known for eight years, I felt so strange for the first time. I felt chills all over my body and didn't want to see him again for a moment. I rushed into the bedroom to pack my things, trying to get out of the house as quickly as possible. Lou Kai came in, pulled the suitcase, said: "You stay, I go, I go to the unit first, when you calm down, we will talk about this matter."

As he closed the door and went away, I fell limp and wept in my mother's bed.

The house where my mother had lived for five years still smelled of her, and it tore my heart out to touch everything she had ever used.

I really hate myself, why confused to choose the mother on the bed, but also blind to find such a cold-blooded husband.

The shock of my mother's death has left me reeling all day.

Three days later, the boss himself came to see me at home and advised me to cheer up no matter what.

I also want to work as soon as possible, deflect the blow of life.

Once you get busy, life seems to fly by very quickly. In the blink of an eye, half a month passed, and the intractable project at hand finally came to fruition. I was also relieved.

During this period, Lou Kai and I have not met. He has called me and told me to take care of my health on wechat, but I have ignored him.

On this day, after the project seminar, I walked out of the company and saw Lou Kai waiting at the gate. He had not seen me for half a month.

He walked up to me with a bag in his hand and said with a smile, "I bought fresh ribs to make you your favorite lotus root soup."

To tell the truth, it would be a lie to say that I don't care about him at all. However, when I saw him, all those sad things came to my mind involuntarily and made me upset.

Lou Kai and I returned home and rushed into the kitchen as soon as we entered.

After dinner, he said he wanted to talk to me.

I gave him a cold look and said, "I'm tired. I don't want to say more."

Lou Kai gently sat down beside me and said: "You have misunderstood me."

I said irritably: "What misunderstanding? The truth is, I've tried to forgive you, but I can't."

Lou Kai sighed, but stood up and walked away.

After that, he came to see me a few more times, and each time he ended badly, and I didn't even want to hear his voice.

After nearly a year of silence, I finally filed for divorce. Lou Kai's reaction is very calm, he should have been psychologically prepared.

The house was given to me, he rented an apartment of his own, and I was officially transferred to the branch and promoted to be in charge.

Before I took office, I went back to my old house to go through my mom's things and pick up a few things.

The room remained as it was, but it was full of dust. It seemed that Lou Kai had not come since I left.

As I slowly tidied away, the drawers in the cabinet in front of my mother's bed were locked, which aroused my curiosity. I dug out the key and opened it. At the top were jewelry boxes, and underneath was a small book like the one she used to keep accounts in.

It was a diary, not a strict diary, just random notes.

My mother graduated from junior high school, writing crooked, looking at those words, I could not help but wet eyes.

Page after page, in addition to some important events in the record, there are more thoughts of my father.

I know that when she was young, my mother looked up to her father, who was a teacher.

She liked that her father was cultured and elegant. Later, when he became a headmaster, my mother adored him even more and was considerate to him. She never let him do housework.

Even though she was pretty and hardworking, my mom always lacked confidence in my dad, believing she didn't have enough culture to be good enough for him.

Turning to the back, there was a page that caught my eye. The writing was even more scrawled, presumably after her illness.

My mother wrote: I am so tired that I can't even dress properly. Will the old man know me when I get there? I hope to meet him in a dignified manner, in his eyes will always be healthy and beautiful.

Tears clouded my eyes, and waves of sadness came over me.

It occurred to me that if my mother cared so much about how she looked after leaving, it might have something to do with extubation.

Thinking again and again, I hurried to the hospital, my mother at that time the attending physician doctor Li just finished checking the room back to the duty room.

I explained the purpose in detail, he said significantly: "people in the dying moment, respiratory distress, can only cut the trachea, do invasive intubation, otherwise there is no other way, even if this is only to maintain two days, the significance is not big."

Dr. Li's words were not so thorough, but I understood that cutting my mother's trachea would not help, but only increase the pain. Without cutting, the non-invasive ventilator could not be maintained, and the pain was even worse under respiratory distress.

Of two evils, extubation seems like the most rational choice.

He also told me that the patient is in a coma, there is no feeling or response, even if you arrive, it is only a change of signature.

I couldn't hear a word of what Dr. Li said, except that my nose was sore and my chest was tight. Could I really be wrong about Lou Kai?

After leaving the hospital, I went straight to Lou Kai's rented apartment.

He just got home from work, opened the door to see me, froze in place: "What? What's the matter?"

"I read Mom's diary. She said she wanted to see my dad in style. I went to see Dr. Li..."

LouKai rim of the eye red, he pulled me into his room and voice trembled slightly: "you finally Ken positive about it, mum waking has been expressed with me, she wanted to leave the desire of the decent, last time, I don't want to let her body added trauma, will make the decision for you, and she knew you know won't agree with, so do not let me tell you."

"Why didn't you say so?"

"Will you believe me if I say so? Back then, you didn't listen to anything."

I was speechless.

At that time, I only immersed in their own emotions, and did not give him a chance to explain.

I even turned my remorse for not being able to stay by the hospital bed into anger and took it out on him, as if this would alleviate my guilt.

I made a solemn apology to Lou Kai and asked him softly, "I regret the divorce. Can Dr. Lou prescribe me a bottle of regret medicine?"

Lou Kai answered with a smile: "Regret medicine early open good, you don't come soon expired."

I ran into his arms, and he hugged me and said softly, "I never took divorce seriously. What Mom wants most is for us to live a good life. How can we let her down?"

His arms, or so generous warm.

Fortunately, everything is not too late, I lost the love to find back.