I lost the boy I loved

He was 21 and I was 17. The story begins in October 2018 and ends at 18:24 on March 26, 2021. He is 25 and I am 21.

Before we were together, we were good friends who talked to each other. Of course, most of them were me talking and he was listening. We were together not because of love, but because I was tired of living alone and wanted to experience the feeling of living together.

He said you have to think well, I thought for a few days or decided to go to his city and live with him, because there is no love so he is not heart. I remember that at that time he worked in the factory night shift, when I was hungry in the winter, he secretly ran out by bike to the beautiful supermarket to buy delicious food for me to send home. He lay with me for an hour and then rode to work. At that time, he said his biggest wish was to save money to buy a car, so that I would not get caught in the rain.

He would occasionally bring me dinner when I went to work, and when I got home late at night he would pretend to sit in bed reading and actually wait for me to get home. He set the QQ password into my name, in the mobile game with fireworks to write he loves me, teach me a lot of truth, inclusive of all my capricious and small temper, where I can be unscrupulously back to the child, but because I do not believe in love that boys are half-hearted rhetoric, there is no too much feeling.I found out I liked him in July 2019. Because my family condition is not good and my parents are not in good relationship, I always want to find a boy with money to marry, his condition is not in my consideration. I knew he was super nice to me, and I was torn up about having kids and not having a mortgage and not having a car and not having kids, so I broke up with him, and of course we made up, and we had a couple more happy months. Colleagues around me advised me to get married is not love can, but every time I returned home to want to be together with him forever feel what difficulties I am not afraid of!

In December 2020, I came of age to get my license. He was almost 25 and he was old enough to get married, and he said he wanted to meet my parents with me, and I said yes, but I lied to him. New Year's Day when I broke up, my mother said that what can not only figure boys to you, people are going to change, he is not good for you, you go to cry!

I understand what the truth is, he did not retain me but just held me and told me that he hoped I could always have a happy life in the future, taught me to find an only child in the future, said that the fewer people, the fewer conflicts, I kept crying, he said that I do not have a sense of guilt, together is our mutual decision. He took me to the train station and held my hand tightly on the way home. He told me not to be so capricious in the future. But I did drag Chinchin from 22 to 25, or he'd have a cute kid by now.

In the early hours of the fifth day at home, he sent me a message, saying that regardless of the outcome, he would thank me for appearing in his life and bringing a good memory to each other, and then deleted me. I cried to call him, he let me not sad to look forward, said he will be a good life.

He later told me on Douyin that he would have an operation on Friday for an oral cyst and told me to pretend he was dead. I'm sorry I didn't book to see him right away. Chenchen surgery on the third day, I went to the city to see him, I said I regret to marry him I would like to accompany him, he asked why I didn't see me, when he enters the surgery surgery didn't see me, say good gather good spread, said he was in the hospital met at school like that girl, just on the first floor when the nurses are trying to contact, I can't cry.

And then I ran to him, he said that I should get married and we will get back together. I didn't dare to steal the hukou book, so I told my mother that I wanted to be with him. My mother said that falling in love was OK but splitting the bill, and everyone's life was not easy. Chenchen said he wanted to get married has no time and energy to fall in love with me, said to send me by train that day he secretly entered the station to see me for a long time, said we broke up after he helped me hide his family for two weeks is afraid in case I regret. His family did not like me, saying that my fingerprints on the door were not deleted in case I would go home someday. He went to work and I could not enter the house. Every day when he opened the door after work, he hoped that I would be at home, and I did not go there after waiting for a long time.

I went to see him four or five times later, and he said that he really couldn't accept me at present and hoped that I would not disturb his life now. If they didn't get married and didn't want to find another person, then I would go to see my mother with me and ask him to marry me. Later that night, I couldn't resist hitchhiking to him, and he said, "Why did I have to leave nothing to chance?" Said that since he fell in love with the nurse must be responsible for her sincerity can not cheat her.

Later the nurse came, the girl told me that in fact, she always wanted to see the Chenchen hurt so deep girl look like, said that since it is my breakup that should not look back, we all have their own lives do not disturb each other is the best choice. I also saw his mouth for the first time the nurse, taller than me than I white figure better than I work than I stable and as big as Chenchen than I will understand people to take care of people, found that they seem to walk out of the heart every morning pain, the thought of him will shed tears, I know I deserve it!

March 26, 2021, at 18:02 p.m., was the first time he called me unsolicited since the breakup, and we spoke for 22 minutes. He said is begging me not to disturb his life, his new girlfriend because I have broken up with him twice, said please let me leave him alive don't go to torture him, said that if I disturb him again he can only change the number for wechat to move, I have been saying sorry sorry! But he said, don't say sorry to me, you don't come to me and don't call me, from today on I clearly tell you, or we used to have the possibility of together, but from this moment on even if I break up with her will not be with you, I tell you we can not in this life!

Boy I love him and I together every day in fear, afraid to come home one day I went away, and I together he doesn't like do housework, but with the nurse he tried his best to take care of her, only is with me never had the feeling letting a person's mind, he said he wanted to and I can't for the safe day.

I know everything is my own fault, is I ruined all this, I seem to be sick to insist on an accurate ending, sometimes think that if I do not bother him, they broke up may we will be together, of course, now I hope they can get married, because we can not get back together.

In fact, I always knew that each of us could find a better person and live a better life without each other, but the emotion was always in the way. I finally made the last bit of his affection for me disappear. Maybe he remembered that I only hated or didn't remember who I was at all.

Chenchen, I'm sorry to delay you for a few years, but the days with you may be the happiest time in my life, carefree and free no one bound, and you together is really a dream laugh wake up state, you were laughing at me. You and her ah, must be good, I will fall in love later will not be obsessed with the other party has money, I want to see whether he is full of eyes are me, you taught me to grow up. Thank you very much.

I often wonder why I want to make up for the debt to the next one, because I just want to make up for you, but I don't have a chance to do it again. I'm sorry that we didn't get together well. I put your affection for me away, and finally only you dislike me. May you and her always be happy and safe!

For the first time in my life, I know how it feels to truly love a person. If I say that if there is a next time, I will hold your hand tightly and never separate.