I Am the Villian in My Ex-best Friend’s Life, and I Am Okay With That

My best friend and I were inseparable — we were always there for each other. We talked every day and had known each other since grade school. This friendship is one that I thought would last a lifetime. We were the best of friends!

Slowly, things began not to feel right with my best friend.

I started noticing small criticisms and assumptions made by this friend about me. It seemed to her that I needed to be talked to like a child sometimes and needing an extra bit of help all the time.

I thought she was just friendly and giving — what a good friend!

Over time, I began to rely on their input and suggestions. Before I could do anything, I had to ask myself, “Would they be happy with this decision?”

These thoughts really upset me and made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want a parent-like attitude from my best friend, nor should I be feeling this way about them.

I also didn’t want to disappoint my best friend. I needed her approval, right?

When you become reliant on someone for approval, you feel chained to them. It feels as though there is no escape.

Nothing blows more than going to someone you think is a close friend for them to lay on a bounty of disapproval.

I felt trapped.

The turning point for me was convincing myself to feel comfortable in a friendship that I hated

Instead of telling my best friend that we shouldn’t be friends anymore was too hard to bear in person — mostly because I knew they would talk me out of it.

I stayed in this friendship for many years when I should have cut it off when things began to get out of hand.

We had known each other for so long that I thought I needed to keep them in my life.

The truth is, they hurt my feelings a lot, and I really didn’t need that in my life.

I remember thinking that I wanted a way out of this friendship. I needed to get away, never to be seen by this person.

I just needed to cut them off and never talk to them again.

We had a previous falling out around similar circumstances, and everything always was resolved. I thought we had worked it out before, but the past always repeats itself. Towards the end of our friendship, I felt tension building between us.

I ended a 10-year friendship over text message

I had just entered into my first ever relationship with a guy I liked. At the time, I was thrilled, but my friend wanted no part.

The second I got a boyfriend, my best friend ignored me. They wouldn’t answer my message until hours later, were short with me, and overall seemed to be avoiding me.

I never understood their reason why.

When I started dating my now ex-boyfriend, I really tried to reach out to them. I would offer to spend time with them between classes, and they would state they were busy.

Eventually, I stopped trying to reach out to them after a while because their answers always seemed to be no.

Not too long after I started dating this guy, we had broken up. I reached out to my best friend for some support; I was so alone, and they were all I had.

I got a message from my best friend; I was so happy. I opened the message and read further, only to realize they were mad at me. They stated that our friendship was on the rocks, and we needed to sort this out. I had been spending too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them.

It seemed that my best friend underestimated how much time a new couple spends together. When someone enters a relationship, it is normal for them to spend less time with their friends and more time with their new partner.

As much as my friend was aching and distraught over our friendship, I saw my opportunity to get out.

I did what I had to do at that moment. I ended a friendship with many great memories but some equally not so pleasant memories.

I didn’t just leave a quick message, ending things, but I wrote them a well-thought-out letter. I put my feelings and pain into the letter and wished her farewell.

I had known this person for so long, and I really wanted to make things work with them. It was a friendship for me, but it felt like an undeclared romantic relationship for them — minus the sex.

I didn’t want a romantic relationship with my best friend; I just wanted a best friend! But I don’t need to hear that I am not attentive enough or that who I am bothers them.

She was never really my best friend, but someone I needed approval from.

We haven’t spoken since, and I couldn’t be happier.

I’m the villain, and that’s okay

I know my ex-best friend does not like me. I am the villain in her story, and I can see why. I ended a 10-year friendship over text message; I can only imagine how much pain she must have felt.

But she’s not in my life, so I can’t hear her criticism and judgment. She has her story, and I have mine, and that’s okay.

I did what was best for me and our friendship. If not, the both of us would have gone through this same cycle, over and over again.

.If you find yourself in this position, do what is best for you. Above all else, get out and do your own thing. But know that you may hurt people along the way, and that’s okay.

Remember: you cannot be responsible for someone else’s feelings.

I always thought that because this friend and I had a long-standing friendship, it did not mean it needed to continue. I am not bound to them in any way except friendship.

I needed to live my own life and have the happiness that I wanted.

Both of us just saw things from a different light, unfortunately. They were more matter-of-fact, black or white — there was no real grey area. My best friend felt really destructive for me and my mental health.

I only see one side to this, and I understand that this isn’t the complete truth. I am missing their side of the story. Honestly, I don’t really know what their real thoughts were during this time.

It felt like they secretly wanted to be with me but were willing to admit it. I felt the closeness of a relationship, without the intimacy or the label.

I couldn't do what I wanted or go out and live my life without worrying that it would upset them. There was also a sense of smothering that came with it. I wanted to be away from this.

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As Originally Posted on Medium