Hurt

Introduction

This is a confessional on how things in the past still affect me to this day, and I know this is probably true for many of my friends, as well as friends and creators on Vocal.

Causes and Effects

My life is good, I cannot complain. I have some amazing friends and family and a wonderful partner Fiona so if you stay on through this piece remember that my situation is good. Today I am going to the Northumberland Balloon Festival and hopefully catch up with a good friend from EE and her daughter ( we both left the company a long time ago)

so there is a lot of good in my life. Today coming home from the supermarket there were two magpies sitting on my porch so that is a good sign and yesterday I reached 888 subscribers on my Vocal platform.

Then today I saw this bus route another 888 Angel Number

And then this happened

This will now descend into how hurtful things in the past still stay with us, or they do with me.

Growing up I was very fat, though I didn't realise it until I was insulted at school and that stays with me to today. I am overweight, and diabetic with a lot of things wrong with me, but I am actually in good physical condition. I was actually blamed for my diabetes because I was overweight by work colleagues who found it something to laugh at.

I feel I have put most of the school bullying behind me, I gave as good as I got in fights but when you are called names and excluded then that is a hurt that is difficult to deal with.

Certain managers I have had have used their position to blame and bully me and the result of that is that if I am crossing the road I imagine they are in a car and wanting to run me down and would blame me for being to slow to get out of the way. A couple of times I have been nearly hit by German car drivers running red lights and blaring their horns (that's drivers of German cars, every German I know is a brilliant human being) and for seconds I feel that I am at fault, but then snap back and realise that they are the ones breaking the law, acting like entitles scum, and that is how I see my bad bosses.

It still affects me on a daily basis.

Then there are people who I trusted and thought were friends, who have cut me off and then lied to others about some made-up bad behaviour, and while I can live with this situation, it makes me feel that every time I say goodbye on a phone call or message, that is the last time I will speak to that person.

The reality is that I can go twelve months without speaking to my true friends and know that I could turn up at their house at four in the morning and they would be there for me.

Conclusion

Although I can't stop these bad things from affecting me briefly, they will always be there, I have so many good things in my life that these bad things are easily dealt with. Maybe it is good that they keep coming back to remind me that everything is not perfect so enjoy all the good things in your life.

I love being happy, and making others happy. I also love succeeding but with others, not at the expense of others.

As I said at the beginning my life is good, but I still carry awareness and reminders of bad things that have happened.

The point of this is my confession, but also to let others who may feel this way, that the bad times can be dealt with, by talking with friends and appreciating the good things when they come, and they will.

Thank you for reading