Game on

I had a great conversation with my boyfriend last night. It was sort of born out of us both having sort of shitty days. He had to replace a tool at his work and the replacement ended up being the wrong fit so he just curled up into a ball and died. I was walking and a bug flew into my mouth and I puked into someone's lawn because I overthought eating a fucking bug and then when I got home I had the worst rash on my butt from walking too much. Just smothered myself in the zinc oxide stuff.

Either way, we wiped each other's tears and vowed that going forward we're going to be smarter and work toward actual goals. I have decided to help him with his English and all the qualifications to get him to be able to become a nurse in the US. He already went through schooling in Russia, he would just need to jump through a few extra hoops here and he'll be able to work as one here. One of the barriers is his visa which.... would actually be solved if I married him.

He says the judge appointed to his case only has a 12% approval record, and since he is also Russian, it would invoke even prejudice towards him so, it isn't looking so good.

I am tempted to marry him. He's asked me already. He said it isn't for the visa but I know that it is, even if it is not the only reason. I am considering marrying him if during this next couple months we can work together well.

It isn't ideal, but it would make the visa thing easier. The thing is, it might mess up some things for me if it doesn't work out. Since his income might be tied to me, I might lose my SSI, lose my housing programs, have to pay more rent, etc. So... really even though we are planning for the future together, I feel like it is a very big risk or me. If I marry him and we end up not being able to work together, I would be very screwed.

I think, I will talk to him about this tonight. But first, I want to make the pot roast he requested.

I am actually really excited and happy but I've always struggled with worrying or wanting to keep one lead foot on the ground.

Today is Mercury sextile Mars:

The sextile between Mercury and Mars can positively affect your physical and mental health. This alignment can help sharpen the mind and improve focus, concentration, and problem-solving skills; hence, it is a good time for mentally challenging activities or for studying.

I am definitely feeling that. I think he doesn't understand that, I actually really like research material and helping people with English.

I used to be a private tutor for people so, actually all this research I am doing is bringing up good memories and motivation. It is like, "Yes, I get to do what I am good at!" I am hoping that is how he'd feel if he could become a nurse again. I am sure the $55/hr would be motivation too.

Ah, I my stomach is upset right now. I am not sure what to talk about at this appointment in 30 minutes but I guess that I just need to talk to her normally so we can brainstorm. I might not get any help from it so it feel a bit a waste of time, but whatever. I need to just go to it and figure things out.