Word of the Day: 倒れた

Right when I got home I fell asleep. I knew I said too much to Kim. She sounds like she has fetal alcohol syndrome or something and if you use the buzz word "Russian" too many times, people end up getting afraid.

Also it is probably sort of braggy, since I mostly talked about my boyfriend and our discussions before.

I don't think I was seeking external validation, just I was excited/overwhelmed and needed to tell someone who wasn't my driver or family. But, I sensed the undertones of resentment and mocking and was tempted to leave several times. She also kept asking me to repeat things I already said so, she was trying to make me feel small. She also tried to transfer me to vocational rehab, which I was not keen on but perhaps it was her way of saying, "I can't help you."

Going to the grocery store was also daunting, I started noticing that the prepackaged meat at Safeway had like blue frost stuff around the bone. I have no idea what that meant but I thought it was either extreme freezer burnt or moldy and I was like, " Ugh, I need to ask at the counter but I am not confident right now. " So I tried to go get other ingredients in the meantime, but Alix was just following me around and didn't help at all. I could have asked her to look up what the bone thing meant but I was already stressed about everything so I didn't think of it at the time. I just asked Alix to leave she just kept asking questions and it bothered me. I am proud of myself for not arguing with her but it was just so annoying.

I didn't feel like making the pot roast I promised my boyfriend, and he just said "ok. I'll go eat at a restaurant." and it made me feel some sort of way? I mean I was relived but then I was like.... no questions? no asking why? Like, bruh. I was agonizing over this and you don't care. Hmmph.

I woke up at 2 am from passing out on my bed to 3 missed calls and this text:

I’m waiting for you one hour . I don’t understand, I told you that I would come, and I’m here. You don’t answer.

I can’t wait any longer, I’m tired. I think I’ll go home. Don’t do that again, please.

I am annoyed with this too. Why didn't he just come in? My mom was home so it wasn't like no one was there to answer the door. Unless the bitch shooed him away. It is too early to ask her about it. I just want to go to the DMV and get my license today. I do have a few things on my list already. I have made a habit to just put 4 main goals for the day and then leave the rest for unplanned things. Yesterday I didn't even get to do all of them. So it just adds more work to do for the next day.

I am glad I can write here, it helps me destress quite a bit. I am running out of time now, but I am hoping I can get my license soon.

We're creeped out by the light? Ah, Nancy, I don't know why Nancy messaged me, she probably wants to talk to me.

I really need to get going so, I will come back later ok?

I keep going into a loop. I should've just taken Yumiko and left..

W