Final Chapter:

He was handsome, oh so romantic, and funny. He swept me off my feet and as it would seem out of my mind. I dropped a perfectly home, job and paycheck in the matter of a month.

We lived in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment, with his best friend, the best friends girl friend, and his son. His son took to me fairly quickly and I loved him like he was my own for almost a year before his mother took him back again. In this tiny apartment also lived two teenagers his room mate had taken in.

During this time I don't honestly remember much beyond getting high (he talked me into meth again) and going to the bar where he would sing to me until closing time. No one had real jobs, except the room mate. This was a fairly tranquil time in our time together.

Tired of no one paying bills the room mate suggested we move out. This is where things went from bad to worse. We moved into a house with about a dozen other meth heads... No one slept, there barely ever real food to eat. We all lived to get high and do whatever it was the drug drove each of us to do. I threw myself into helping the home owner do repairs and clean up the ever mounting mess. Here is where our monster emerges. Where at first he had been romantic now he was cruel and unfaithful. He wanted threesomes or to watch me with other girls. If he didn't get his way he had dangerous fits of violent rage.

High and scared, broken already from times before I started to believe I was really to blame. No one could pick this many monsters in a row... I could, I had. I braced myself for oncoming attacks, did what I was told...

One night before we moved from there he threw me down the basement stairs... running after me and pinning me down by my throat... I screamed but no sound came out. Suddenly one of the people in the house was standing at the top of the stairs asking what happened... He pulled me to my feet faking genuine concern. "She must have slept walked down the stairs." He spoke with concern in his voice, love... My fear grew that night, how would anyone ever believe me if he could fake his love so well.

This was my life for 4 long years. I lost 2 pregnancies, stress is my guess... or trips down the stairs. The 3rd time I got pregnant we had a healthy baby boy, my third and final as he insisted we have my tubes tied.

The methed out nonsense grew. He brought home strippers more then once. Then on one blessed night he called to tell me he was in jail. 60 days he said on the other line.

I loved the next 60 days, me and my kids explored the Colorado mountains and spent time together unafraid and happy. I made back friends I had lost. I worked on getting sober.

I cheated on him while he was in Jail... I admit it. Someone with a soothing voice, and gentle touch took me home from the bar one night. We became good friends for a while after that. Him and my best friend being the 2 driving sources in my big move.

The night I decided I was going he had put enough strain on my throat I blinked out for a second, coming to just in time to see a glass ashtray fly across the room towards his 90 year old grandfather. Two days later with only what I could pack without him being aware we weren't returning, we got in my car claiming to just be coming to my friends house for the weekend.

The farther we drove the more alive I felt. Freedom doing wonders for my battered soul. I never looked back... never returned. I got myself sober, no rehab, no jail. Just a determination to be better... do better.

So you may wonder what happened to the girl with the shattered hopes and dreams from our story... Proud to report she is 100% off the drugs, married to an amazing man, and mostly happy. Not to say the last 10 years hasn't had it's down points.

My best friend of 16 years died in a motorcycle accident, leaving behind 3 kids who still miss her everyday. Two years later another blow hit when her brother died, cutting the last ties she had to years of memories... My mother in law passed away, which has hit our family hard. Another friend passed this last year as well, ATV wreck... Their loss is felt each and everyday.

I have been doing therapy for PTSD caused from... well you can guess, Domestic Violence. Happy to report it is helping. I have come out of the darkness now and am Happy, healthy, and most importantly I have dreams and goals again for the first time in 20 years... Not just make money and survive type goals... But bigger!

I want to get a big RV and a pickup truck and hit the road full time! Travel this beautiful country, live life to its fullest, and see and do all the amazing things I have always heard about but never done. I am done just surviving! It's time to go and live life to it's fullest!