They Said Girls Don’t Do That. Turns Out We Always Have

There was a moment on my social media feed recently that felt small and huge at the same time. A woman on video leaned in and said, half joking, half reverent, “When the enemies finally become lovers and no one’s home.” There was a soft buzzing sound underneath the audio. Anyone who understood it understood it immediately. Anyone who didn’t was about to learn. The comment section exploded. Women laughing, women nodding, women confessing, women admitting, women asking, “Wait… we’re allowed to do that?” Like they needed permission. Like someone had to sign it off. Like there had ever been a rulebook handed out in the first place.

And honestly, I loved it. Not because it was crude or shocking or rebellious for the sake of it, but because it was normal. Casually normal. A throwaway joke about self pleasure that didn’t apologise, didn’t explain itself, didn’t lower its voice. It existed in the open. That is new. Or at least, it feels new because we were raised in a culture that did everything it could to pretend women didn’t have bodies that wanted things.

Female masturbation has always existed. The difference now is that we are finally saying it out loud without whispering. Without the punchline being shame. Without pretending it is something teenage boys do and grown women absolutely do not. And the fact that so many women responded with surprise tells you everything you need to know about how deep the silence ran.

Most of us did not grow up with open, honest conversations about our bodies. We grew up with euphemisms and warnings. We grew up being told to keep our legs closed, to be ladylike, to not touch, to not explore, to not draw attention to ourselves. Pleasure was framed as something that happened to us, not something we actively participated in. Desire was something to manage, suppress, or redirect, not something to understand.

So when women see a video like that and think, genuinely, “Are we allowed to do that?” what they are really asking is, “Am I allowed to own myself?” And the answer is yes. It always has been. The tragedy is that no one told us.

Female masturbation sits right at the intersection of shame, control, and power. It has been policed not because it is harmful, but because it makes women autonomous. A woman who understands her own pleasure is harder to manipulate. She is less likely to accept bad sex. Less likely to tolerate being ignored, rushed, or dismissed. Less likely to believe that her needs are optional extras. Self pleasure teaches women about their own bodies in a way nothing else does. It removes the mystery. It removes the idea that someone else has to show you how it works.

This is why silence around it was so useful. If women never talked about it, they could be convinced it was rare. Abnormal. Something only certain kinds of women did. The wrong kind. If women never compared notes, they could be told their bodies were broken, frigid, too sensitive, not sensitive enough. They could be sold fixes instead of truth.

What we are seeing now is that silence cracking. Not with a grand manifesto, but with jokes, memes, comments, and offhand confessions. With women laughing together in public spaces about things they were taught to hide in private. With someone posting a silly audio and accidentally starting a cultural moment.

And the reactions are fascinating. Some women are confident and celebratory. Some are relieved. Some are confused. Some are still uncomfortable. That spectrum matters. Feminism is not about replacing one set of rules with another. It is not about saying everyone must do the same thing or feel the same way. It is about removing shame so choice becomes real.

For a long time, women’s pleasure was framed as secondary. In heterosexual relationships especially, sex was often treated as something that started when he was ready and ended when he was done. The fact that many women did not orgasm was treated as unfortunate but normal. Inevitable, even. Masturbation disrupts that narrative. It shows that the problem was never women’s bodies. It was the script.

When women masturbate, they learn what feels good to them. They learn rhythm, pressure, timing. They learn that pleasure does not have to be rushed or earned. They learn that desire is responsive, not defective. And that knowledge doesn’t stay locked in a private moment. It changes expectations. It changes conversations. It changes what women are willing to accept.

There is also something deeply healing about self pleasure that we rarely talk about without turning it into a wellness slogan. It is grounding. It is regulating. It is a way of reconnecting with your body in a world that constantly pulls you out of it. For many women, especially those who have experienced trauma, illness, or disconnection, it can be a way of reclaiming bodily autonomy gently, on their own terms.

Yet even now, with all this progress, the reflex to judge still pops up. Some people are uncomfortable with the openness. Some dismiss it as attention seeking. Some try to moralise it, to frame it as excessive or inappropriate. That discomfort is telling. It reveals how deeply we are still trained to believe that women’s bodies exist for public approval but private denial.

There is also a risk, and it is worth naming, that this conversation becomes overly commodified. Suddenly there are products, courses, aesthetics, a right way to do it. That can be fun, but it can also recreate pressure. You do not need to buy your way into self knowledge. You do not need a perfect setup, a specific device, or a performance ready mindset. The most radical thing is not what you use, but that you listen to yourself at all.

The beauty of that viral video was its ordinariness. It did not posture. It did not educate. It did not sell. It simply existed, and women recognised themselves in it. That is how taboos really die. Not with lectures, but with familiarity.

When women talk openly about masturbation, they normalise it for the next generation. They make it less likely that young girls will grow up thinking their bodies are shameful or wrong. They create a culture where curiosity is not punished and pleasure is not something to apologise for. They also create space for honesty, because once you can talk about this, you can talk about other things too. Boundaries. Desire. Consent. Dissatisfaction. Joy.

The comments that say “I didn’t know we were allowed” are not embarrassing. They are heartbreaking. They show how effectively women were taught to outsource permission for their own bodies. But they are also hopeful, because they show how quickly that permission can be reclaimed once the silence lifts.

This is not about being provocative for the sake of it. It is about telling the truth. Women masturbate. Women enjoy it. Women have always done so. The only thing that has changed is our willingness to say it out loud and laugh while we do.

So talk about it. Casually. Honestly. Without turning it into a confession or a manifesto. Let it exist in conversations the way it always should have. And if you are still unlearning the shame, that is okay too. There is no deadline on self acceptance.

The buzzing noise in that video was not just a joke. It was a signal. A reminder that pleasure does not require an audience or approval. Just privacy, curiosity, and the courage to stop pretending you do not exist in your own body.

And if you ever find yourself thinking, “Are we allowed to do that?” I hope the answer comes faster now. Yes. Obviously. Always.