Depression: My Journey of Healing and Hope

My experience with depression was a silent thief that stole my joy, my energy, and my sense of self. It was a heavy burden that weighed me down and made every day feel like a struggle. For many years, I suffered in silence, feeling ashamed and alone in my battle with depression. But I've learned that the only way to overcome it is to speak up and seek help.

My journey with depression began in my early twenties. I was working a stressful job, dealing with relationship issues, and struggling with low self-esteem. I started to feel overwhelmed and hopeless, like nothing I did could make a difference. I would cry for hours, unable to shake off the heavy cloud that hung over me.

You know that feeling you have in your gut when you are about to and/or really need to cry. While that is what it was like. All the time. I could be laughing and having a great time with my friends, which I often was because my friends are great, and yet in the back of my mind I felt more alone than ever and I just wanted to curl up into fetal position and cry. But I never could. I couldn't go home and cry and then feel better, because it’s not like there was something to cry about, or really anything to be sad about. And it wasn't really sadness. It was complete solitude. It was when my brain told me that I was alone, that I couldn't be loved, that no one really wanted me around, and worst of all that no one will understand me.

At first, I tried to hide my depression from the world. I put on a brave face and pretended that everything was okay. But deep down, I knew that I needed help. So at first i started to write in my diary every night before going to sleep. At that tough time, diary was my only friend ,Though i had many human friend but i did not felt like sharing my roughness with any because i always felt like everyone would judge me and never would have understood me.

But the idea that no one would ever truly understand who I was, or any of that. That was a little harder to dissuade myself from believing. Because as much as I could tell people what I went, and still go through and what goes through my mind, who can really understand me other than me. And that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but the way my depression told me it, it was a bad thing.

Everything changed when i thought to overcome my fears . At first i shared my problems with my friend who really showed courage and supported me in the lowest stage of my life,and my family who were always there for me for everytime of my life either happy or sad.And from that i learnt a very valuable lesson of life that "to balance a life if you go through bad something good is always waiting for you in the future so, do not give up yet".

So even though I do feel those things far more often than I would like it is something that I live with, because I have depression.

Because depression is a disease, and I will always have it.

Because my depression is a part of who I am.

And most of all, because I only have one life, and I want to live it. Because even though when my depression spikes it makes me want to not live sometimes, I refuse.

Because I am the author of my own life and I choose to put a semicolon instead of a period at every point that my depression tells me otherwise.

So that is how my depression affects my life. That is how I deal with it. Like it or not I always will.