Voicemail #part one

"The person you are trying to reach is not available. Please leave a message"

Beeeeeeep

"Hey Emma, Ive been trying to call your phone for the past couple of days. I know your busy and all....I just...I guess I miss you. I know we're not supposed to call our ex's and say stuff but its just been bothering me so much. I wonder how your doing, I hope your doing better. I really do. I'm not trying to get back with you, I know you have a boyfriend and i see how happy you are with him. Im really proud of you, for both how good you are doing for yourself as well as for...leaving us. I think it was for the better. For both of us. I know it was the right decision, I just wish it wasn't. I dont want your boyfriend to hear this and think I want you back. Thats not why I called, or am leaving this message. I just miss you, and I guess I just want to hear you say it, that its over, one more time. That this is our last goodbye. Because I met a girl, and she is really nice, I want things to work out. I want to be able to move on, and I want to be able to treat her better, i want to do better than what we did. I also want to say Im sorry. Im sorry. For all the hurt I caused, and how much I was draining you. It was never your fault, any of this. I shouldve tried to work on myself and do better, but I didn't push myself enough to. I shouldve been there for you, when you where crying, and going through it. But you where only crying because of me. I guess it hurts me now, thinking about it. It makes me sick how I didn't try hard enough for us, I shouldve tried harder. I shouldve charished what we have more, took the time to take you on more dates. Im happy that He is doing that for you. You deserve to be treated better, you deserved more than I could ever give you. I know you will be a great mother, and- I just wish I was te one to be there to see you happy again, I wish I wish the one, but I know I messed it up. I messed us up so badly. And Im sorry. But please dont forgive me. I shouldnt be forgiven. I dont even know if youll listen to this, or if you even have the same phone number. If you do listen to this, Im sorry If i ruined your day. Im not calling to make you forgive me or what me back, or feel bad for me. I want you to hate me, i want you to hate me so much. Because if you hate me, itll make me want to be better. Do better. So hate me. And dont ever hate yourself. Love yourself. Dont let anyone bring you down, or drain you like i did. Enjoy your life and your moments. As I have learned, not every good thing has a good end. So take life slow. I guess that'll be all. I don't want this message to be too long. Ill go now. I hope you were having a good day. Stay safe and warm, and smile. Always smile. Its the most beautiful thing about you. I know I shouldnt say it, but I want the last time to actually mean something. so.

I love you"