Daily Struggles & Depression

The closer it gets to my birthday, it always feels like there are things that are too hard to get away from. Constantly fighting with bills, making sure my child is ready for school, worrying about friendships and relationships that I care about the most, and just trying to live as peacefully as possible. Honestly, I've wanted to sit back and just cry. Sit in a meadow, take in the breeze and just hope for the best right? I know it's not as simple as wishing on a shooting star and suddenly, you get everything you need, however, you have to put in the work. Some people would say "but at what cost", which I can feel that on so many levels, but I can say I just what a better future for me and my family. I wouldn't want my family to have to take on all of the pressure that I have to constantly deal with on a daily basis. Depression makes things go in slow motion for me. I overanalyze everything in one set of times, which makes my brain want to explode most of the time, and I can't find anything easier for myself, or a way to cope with everything that is thrown at me all at once. Something that happened to me personally today, really made me realize how messed up things can be, especially when people are just doing their jobs. It's just hard to have to be understanding, but also me having to hate myself for putting myself in that position in the first place. I don't want to be angry at the wrong people but at myself of course.

What's crappy about trying to figure your life out, while trying to set a foundation for your next steps in your life, can create a path of presumptuous dealings within you, that you're not exactly prepared for. Sometimes, truly I just can't take the heat and it becomes a lot. Meanwhile, people will say that you have to focus on your mental health. This is amazing, because society sets a standard for what should be done, and shouldn't be done. It's very much stress in my eyes. It creates an immobile destination for a lot of us that isn't realistic in any way possible. I know there may not be many who agree, but that's okay. Personally, it is hard to handle but that's mostly because I do not think I do too well with stress.

In conclusion, simplicity isn't the norm in society, and those of us who are struggling with mental health, have a hard time coping with all of the hardships that come with life. I'm not saying things have to change, maybe some people are comfortable, which is awesome, but a lot of us, need a break from it all in a huge world of instability. There should be some support for those who are truly going through mental hardships (there may be some but don't quote me), because the world I know, will not stop for anyone and it will not become easier for no one and things become so much more clearly when you're looking through a huge lens. However, I do believe that if we all come together for those going through the same thing, we can support each other through all of the struggles we all face on a daily basis. Especially the struggles that nobody likes to talk about, but we all know it'll only have to get better eventually.

I do want to leave this with a note. I do deal with depression every day, and it doesn't just go away. Honestly, it's me finding ways to protect myself from it and conceal it the best way I can (which is very much unhealthy). How do I deal? Gaming, Friends, Love, and Understanding where it came from and why it's here. I still live my life, the best way I can.