All My Boy's

Growing up I never felt the love my heart and soul desired, the love my body wanted I’ve always had high hopes that I’d find it. I’m 19 and have only come across something about 3 times in my life. Ever since I was about 5, I’ve always wanted a fairy tale type of love, you know life something in the books or the movies. I’ve always had a vison that I’d fall in love young, and we’d grow up together and get married all that kind of good stuff. Well, life didn’t turn out the way I planned my cards were delt to me way different that I had ever expected. At the age of 5 I had this massive crush on a boy that lived across. His name was Cameron, he was about 7. Blonde hair-colored eyes about 2/3inches taller than me. I remember we kissed in the back of the apartments, just a little peck on the lips because we didn’t want to get caught. He ended up moving soon after. I didn’t really care for boys much after that. I was the oldest out of 4 kids, and the only girl. So eventually boys got on my nerves because I was around them all the time 24/7. I didn’t have a thing for another boy until I was 7, I was in the 3rd grade. This is when I found out I had a thing for bad boys. He was a grade or 2 above me. He was bad in school and at home, he wanted to fight all the kids around. But something about him being bad was attractive. I eventually didn’t like him anymore and went on with my life. I had ended up moving new schools, something closer to the house. At this new school there was a boy, a boy who liked me very much, I can’t remember his name, but he was in the same grade as me and I just happened to be lucky that we ended up in the same class. We kind of sat next to each other. He was brown skin, taller than me by a couple of inches. He had long hair and loved to play tether ball. I remember when we decided to be ‘’ boyfriend and girlfriend’’. We started to play on the playground a lot, and he would even stop playing tether ball just to come play with me. I thought we were just good friends, but everybody in our class kept asking us if we were dating and id just laugh, because I was only 7. But one day after lunch we decided to play tag with a couple of our friends and we both wanted to run together. We stopped to catch our breath and he told me, ‘’ all the boys keep saying were dating’’ and I stopped and said ‘’ its kind of like we are but were just friends’’ and he responded, ‘’do you want to be my girlfriend?’’ and I said ‘’ do you want me to be your girlfriend’’ he said ‘’yea’’ and from that day on I was in my very first official relationship. I think back and laugh because even the boys back in that time era had more class than anybody does today. I eventually ended up moving schools and moved to a different city. I was starting 4th grade. I went to a pre academy, which was 4th – 8th grade. My brothers were still in what they considered elementary. This was the first time I would ever be going to school alone because my brother was a grade behind me, so we had always gone to school together. It wasn’t that bad because the schools were literally right next door to each other, there was just a fence in the middle of the school field to separate us, so at lunch I’d go to the gate and see my brother playing kick ball. I eventually got used to going to school alone and stopped worrying about my brother. I would get home and hour earlier than my brother would, so I would meet him at his school bus, because it dropped him off in the front of our apartments, one day he got off the bus with this light skinned boy. To me he was the cutest thing I had seen in a while. Even though he was only in the 3rd grade I was determined to get him. He eventually started coming over to our house and asking for my brother to come outside. They would go outside and play, do what boys did. I had friends of my own, so I’d go play with them. I eventually told my brother I liked his friend and him being a good little brother at the time. He went to school and put in a good word for me. I was 8, soon to be going on 9 in a couple of months. I had ended up writing a note to him and told my brother to give it to him at school. I eventually ended up getting a note back from him asking me did I want to be his girlfriend. Of course, I responded to his note saying yes. So, we started dating, it was hard because my grandma was very strict and I would have got my ass beat if she found out in was out here liking on boys, but it eventually got easier because his mom and my grandma had become good friends, so we played outside with him all the time. We would write notes to each other every single day, boy do I miss the old days. He would make me things at school and give them to me, I thought I was living my fairy tale. Well one day his mom was having a birthday party for his little brother, I thought shit was going well. Until my brother had ended up getting into trouble on the school bus, now like I mentioned before my granny was strict. She didn’t play that shit. My brother came straight home and got his ass beat. My grandma would always check our backpacks if we got in trouble at school, so she decided to go through his backpack well luckily, she only pulled out his homework that he never turned in and went to the room to whoop him because if she had gone to the bottom of his backpack, she would have seen all the notes I was writing to that boy. I know I’m probably wrong for this, but I went in his backpack took out all the notes I could find and threw them under our couch, but I couldn’t keep them there because my grandma cleaned the house everyday so she would have found them, I had to come up with a plan and fast. My grandma eventually took us to the party 10 minutes later. I had my plan in my head I just didn’t want to get caught. So, I waited until I knew my grandma was comfortable and told her ‘’ granny I left my jacket at the house can I go run and get it?’’ I knew she would say yes because she was old and didn’t want to walk all the way back home. She gave me the key and told me to hurry up. So of course, I run to the house in case she changed her mind, I opened the door and lock it right behind me as I went in the house so that way if she was behind me, I would know. I went in the kitchen grabbed a grocery store bag and stuffed all my love notes in the bag and tied it up. I got my sweater and put it over the bag just in case she was at the door. I got out the house safe she was still at the party. I locked the house up and stuffed the bag in the bushes by the house. I knew the gardeners would come Sunday morning and throw it away when they cut the bushes. I went back to the party like nothing happened. This is where I started to get ahead of myself because I thought we’d be ‘’in love’’ forever. Me and this boy started to get into arguments over everything and I should have known I was going to be a toxic bitch when I got older because when he would be mean to me or break up with me, I would go be a total bitch to his little sister and now when I go back and think about it, I should have been nice to her because she was really only a kid. This boy and I were off and on until I was in the 5th grade and decided to cut the relationship completely off before I got to the 6th grade. Let’s fast forward sometime. In the 6th grade I was doing well in school my grades stayed at a C or better. My life changed a lot in the 6th grade I was starting to become way more mature and kept myself looking good. I had always worn a bra since I was in the 2nd grade even though my boobs didn’t come in until late 5th grade. By time I was in the 6th grade my boobs were a B cup. Probably the biggest in my class specially to have an ass to, you’re probably thinking I had all the boys all over me. I did but I didn’t at the same time. It was weird. Boys were shy, so now that I think about it, it was ok. Well, there was this one boy I started to have a big crush on when it came around fall. He was a very tell dark skinned. He wasn’t skinny, but he wasn’t fat either. He would always come to school looking nice in a fresh white or black t-shirt. He has the cutest smile with a baby face but the most grown looking face. I remember he was a bad kid in school but had such a big heart. He didn’t take anything from anybody. One day he got into some trouble in school and came into the classroom playing music. The girl sitting next to me said ‘’oh that’s my song’’ and he looked at her and said ‘’no its not, you don’t know this’’ and he looked at me, for some reason he scared me that day, and I think he knew he scared me because that same day he kept looking at me as if he felt bad for me, but I thought he just wanted to keep intimidating me. Even though I was scared that day is when my feelings for him got strong. I had ended up telling one of my friends that I thought he was cute, and I liked him. Word had eventually got around to him and one day in class he kept smiling at me and I would blush so hard that my face turned red, and I’d end up smiling super hard. My heart couldn’t stop racing and my hands were sweaty. I can’t remember if he passed me a note or came up to me at lunch, but I’ll never forget he said ‘’everybody keeps telling me you like me’’ I smiled and said ‘’yea I think your cute’’ he said ‘’ well do you want to be mine’’ and I responded blushing so hard my face was hot and I said ‘’yes’’ we’d sit next to each other in class he’d look at me all day and have me smiling from the time I got to school until the time I left. In history class we watched movies and he would come sit next to me because the teacher let us switch our seats. He’d come across to come next to me and I’ll never forget how gentle he was to be a big mean boy. So, the teacher would turn off the lights. And he was scared to hold my hand so I remember I would sit with my hands on my lap because I was nerves. All my friends were smiling at me which didn’t make anything any better. So, he started to rub on my knee because he didn’t want to just grab my hand. His hands were so big, and I knew he was nerves because they were so warm, I could feel it through my jeans. So, he slowly worked his way up to my hand and grabbed my hand and started holding my hand. I felt like the prettiest girl in the classroom because he decided to be so slow and gentle with me and it was just the cutest thing ever. So we had a good relationship for about a month or 2, until I got into it with 1 friend and she went around the whole school telling lies about how I was fake, and was talking shit, a couple days later I just couldn’t believe all my friends that I’ve been knowing since the 4th grade turned their back on me like nothing, he ended up giving me a note on our way to lunch saying he was breaking up with me and I just threw the note in the dirt because I was truly hurt I couldn’t believe this bitch had done this to me when I let her in my house to have dinner with my family multiple times. I eventually got over it and knew who my real friends were, and they stuck by my side every day. Well at least until we ended up moving again. We moved states this time, I was 3hours and 19 minutes from my friends. I was absolutely devastated. It took me a couple of months to get back into my groove of feeling comfortable around people I didn’t know. I had to make new friends. We’ll I made a couple friends, but it was never the same. The school year of 7th grade was coming to, and end and I had to prepare to go to the 8th grade my last and final grade in middle school. Well as I thought I had it all planned at as usual, life took a turn. I’ve always loved going swimming since I learned to swim. Well, we moved to a place that was called little Mexico, you should know why it was called what it was called. Well, there was this boy, very good looking first crush I had in a long time. I was 13 at this point in mt life. We’d go swimming with him every day, play basketball, just do what kids do in the summertime. My mom and grandma were still strict on me. Probably even more so that I was already entering puberty and had a monthly period. My body started to change in was I hadn’t noticed until I didn’t have a gut anymore. I grew a couple of inches taller; I was about 4’11. Still very short to be going to the 8th grade. I realized my ass got bigger and my waist got slimmer, and my shorts were starting to fill in all the right places. I always wore crop tops because something about showing a little stomach drove the boy’s crazy. He was always so nice the boys made store runs every day. And even though I never asked for anything he’d always bring me something back, it could be chips or a drink or even and ice cream he always got me something. Something about him was different from all the boys I had ever talked to. We’d sit outside on the stairs and talk for hours. Well, I had later found out that he was 16. Of course, I would have gotten in trouble because my family always thought the worst. But I didn’t care I was willing to go down if it meant I was going to be happy. he knew I started to like him I could tell he was feeling the same way because he started to get closer, he wanted to always touch me. It could be my hand or my arm. But nothing to obvious. Well, I had made a new friend that summer she was about 16/17 but really had my back. She knew I liked him, and she’d always make it so obvious, but he was a boy he didn’t catch on. but a couple days later that all changed, this day was like I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. Well at least that what I thought at the time. This day we decided to play basketball first, well they played, and I watched. It was so hot we decided it was time to get into the pool. He looked at me different this day. A way he’s never looked at me before. We swam in the pool for hours. I eventually had to get out and go eat and shower because it was getting late, and I just wanted to hang out since the sun had gone down and it was cool enough to just enjoy the air. We sat on the stairs and ended up alone. Everyone had disappeared, we to his and chilled inside with his sister. His sister and I were in the same grade and went to the same school, so it wasn’t weird at all. We ordered pizza with a couple of other friends and sat at the table telling jokes. By the end of the night, we were alone again and this time in front of his door. We were sitting there talking a while and I decided it was getting late and I should go home. As I get up to walk away, he stands to, I go hug him and as I do I tell him ‘’I’ll see you tomorrow’’ and as I walk away, he pulls me by the arm back to him I asked ‘’ what are you doing’’ he just grabs me by my big red blushing cheeks and kisses me. I thought I was a princess in a Disney movie. I had never felt so magical in my life., for once I finally felt my age. In that moment I wasn’t a little girl anymore, I was somebody’s girl. After a kiss goodnight I went home, got comfortable only to see my phone is going off. Its Facebook, I said to myself ‘’who could this be? Do they not see what time it is?’’. I did what any regular person would do, I picked up my phone to see what it was, and it was him texting me telling me goodnight and how I was the prettiest girl, and he couldn’t wait to spend time with me tomorrow. Being around him just made feeling like I was living on cloud 9, with everything I’ve ever wanted. He wanted me to be a princess, and a princess is what I was. I never wanted the days to end. We’d text all night until we feel asleep. Nothing could get in the way of me being happy. we decided to spend 4th of July together. Who doesn’t want to spend holidays with the person they ‘’love’’? We went swimming but I didn’t want to swim all day, so I came up early and got dressed for the day. He decided to come in my house, with my brother while I was getting dressed. Not a big deal, until all three of us decided to stay in the house. My brother went to the bather me and him decided to stay on the balcony. My mom came in and seen us standing together. My whole day turned upside down. I wore a scarf as a belt for style, but I wore it to the side of my pants. My mom calls me to her room and asks me ‘’what are you doing?’’ I responded ‘’nothing just talking’’ she looks at my pants and asks me ‘’why is your belt to the side of your pants?’’ I said ‘’because this is how I styled it’’ she proceeded to say ‘’I hope you guys weren’t up here doing anything you’re not supposed to be doing’’ and if you know you know every time a parent says that to you, it makes you nerves even if you didn’t do anything. So, for the rest of the day, I decided to keep my distance from him because io didn’t want my mom to think anything. My whole family decided to come over that day. We’ll it was almost time for the firework show. Who doesn’t like to watch fireworks? So, all my friends grouped up and we found a good spot to watch fireworks. While we were chilling on the balcony of the stairs he decided to come and hold me from behind and we watched fireworks. I fell more ‘’in love’’ by the second. The tighter he held me. He griped me in all the right places. I couldn’t even come to terms with what was happening I just never wanted it to end. Well while I was in a ‘’love’’ daze my older stepsister decided to come look for me. Oh, she found me, but she found me all hugged up and enjoying myself. He eventually let me go, and he let me go just in time because about 3 minutes later here comes my mom screaming…………. To be continued