A thousand pieces of a broken heart

He blocked me again on snapchat….i know I shouldn’t feel anything cause it’s not the first time he’s doing it Buh this time feels different maybe cause i gave myself to him…i feel used literally crying my eyes out while writing this…this year has been really hard for me lol but this broke me completely why should my year end in pain and regrets??….why is he mad at me for not letting him have me??? For not taking off my PANTIES??

Why am I feeling this way?? I haven’t felt this way in a long time have I ? lol silly me I gave myself off now look at me!!! He looked me in the eyes and said he loved me lol foolish me….I think it’s obvious now that he lied from the very beginning oh my Godddd I’m crying too much I don’t want to be this wayy but I can’t help it I’m still in shock I’ve looked at his name countless times on my snap and the small letter “x” beside it lol looks unreal but the sooner I accept it the better…I’M SO TIRED! TIRED Why did he do this to me ??? Fuck I messed up I shouldn’t have gone in the first place now I hurt myself!!!! I hurt myself! I did this to myself I’m to blame for all this cause I let it happen.

its been 24 HOURS now since he blocked me, my heart is starting to ache.

He smiled at me today, we danced without music, lol weird right ?? so many kisses too lol he also talked about how he loves me and how he’s never going to live me but ofc HE LIED.

He swore on his life to cut me off soon as I live, cause I didn’t let him remove my panties! lol silly me I thought oh I thought he was joking cause we both laughed over it how could he HOW?????? He never really liked me in the first place did he ??? Nah I don’t think so cause why was it so easy for him to let go ??? Do I deserve this ?

Staring at my tear filled phone and thinking of what I did and how I could be so stupid and naive…I’m tired of crying already I’ll try not to cry myself to sleep so I can wakeup better lmao wake up better ? Must be a joke my year has already been ruined.

Buh I really hope I sleep and not think too much I don’t want to be sad again. I fought really hard to come out of depression last time I can’t go back there cause of him no it’s not happening it won’t happen right ? I really hope so.

My friend wants me to block him on everywhere too but I can’t, it’s too hard fr. I wish I had his heart lol would have blocked him on everywhere without thinking but i wasn’t created without FEELINGS.

How can a man that claims to love you, that does everything you ask him to, that does the bare minimum decide to block you just cause you didn’t want to have sex?? After our first night together where he made love to me I felt WHOLE like a missing part of me has been brought back but cause I refused him sex yesterday his whole attitude changed lol he even told me that I lied about my feelings, if truly I do love him then I should let him touch me IS THAT HOW IT’S DONE?!

I messed up real bad for letting him touch me in the first place. Btw lesson learnt but in a hard way tho OUCH.