Before I Read Sex Ain’t the Way to Love, Here’s What I’m Already Asking Myself by NWO Sparrow

5 Questions I Can’t Wait to Answer After Reading Sex Ain’t the Way to Love

When I first heard about Tavia Mapp-Deterville’s new book Sex Ain’t the Way to Love, I was intrigued. The title alone had me pausing, because it hits on something that feels universal and yet deeply personal. As a man, I know this book is written primarily for women, especially Black women, but I could not help asking myself what lessons I might gain by listening in. Tavia is a music publicist turned author, and with this new release she is blending memoir and journal in a way that forces readers to not just read but to actually reflect. That alone makes me curious.

Before I even crack the spine of this book on October 7, there are questions I am already holding. They are questions I imagine many women may be asking too, and as a man, I am ready to listen. Here are five questions I cannot wait to explore once I dive into Tavia’s story and her journal prompts.

1. How do we truly separate sex from love?

It is easy to talk about intimacy as if it is one single thing. We throw around phrases like “making love” when we really mean sex, and in many ways our culture has trained us to believe the two are interchangeable. But are they? Tavia’s may book suggests otherwise. I want to know what tools or perspectives she offers that can help someone clearly define the difference. As a man, I think about the pressure placed on women to prove love through physical intimacy, and I wonder how many relationships might shift if we unlearned that script.

2. What does real intimacy look like without sex?

This question might be the one I am most eager to dig into. If sex is not the path to love, then what is? What does true intimacy look like in its purest form? I imagine Tavia’s reflections will touch on vulnerability, communication, and even self-awareness. I also wonder what she will say about intimacy with the self, because sometimes we look for closeness in others before we have even discovered it within ourselves.

3. How do Black women reclaim self-love in a world that often denies it to them?

This is where I expect her voice to be most powerful. Tavia is writing unapologetically for Black women, and that matters. Too often, society reduces Black women to stereotypes, hypersexualizes them, or dismisses their pain. In that kind of world, self-love is not just a nice idea, it is an act of resistance. I am curious to see how Tavia ties her personal journey to broader cultural experiences. I also want to hear how journaling can become a tool for Black women to carve out space where their truth is centered and protected.

4. What does healing from toxic love actually require?

I have seen friends and loved ones wrestle with relationships that left scars. In addition i have been on both the recieveing and giving end of this spectrum. It is one thing to say we need to heal, but another thing to actually do it. What does that process involve? Does it mean forgiving the person who hurt you, or does it mean forgiving yourself for staying too long? I am hoping Tavia’s book addresses the messy, complicated steps of rebuilding after heartbreak. The journal format makes me think she is not just sharing her story but also guiding readers to write their way through their own pain toward something new.

5. How do we rewrite our own love story?

This might be the most important question of all. So many of us carry narratives handed down to us by family, by peers, or by culture. Maybe we were taught that love requires sacrifice at all costs, or that passion always comes with pain. But what if those stories are not ours to carry? Tavia seems to be offering a chance for readers to step back and decide what their love story will be moving forward. As a man, I am excited to see what that rewriting looks like, because it could change how I show up in relationships too.

As I sit with these questions, I realize that even though this book is written with Black women in mind, it has the potential to challenge all of us. It is about more than sex, love, or even relationships. It is about how we define ourselves, how we honor our truth, and how we break free from patterns that no longer serve us. I have not read a single page yet, but already I feel the anticipation building. I am ready to hear Tavia’s voice, to learn from her experiences, and to let her prompts push me into deeper reflection. October 7 cannot come soon enough.

Because here is the truth. Sex may not be the way to love, but asking the right questions just might be.

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