Reed Alexander
Bio
I'm a horror author and foulmouthed critic of all things horror. New reviews posted every Sunday.
@ReedsHorror on TikTok, Blue Sky, Instagram, YouTube, and Mastodon.
Check out my books at reedshorror.com
Stories (317)
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Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Near Dark' (1987)
Okay, so it's a stretch to call Near Dark (1987) 'Horror.' Just because something has vampires in it, doesn't necessarily make it horror. I mean, True Romance (1993) has pretty much the same premise without vampires, and that's just an Action Romance. It's like my review of World War Z (2013). The Zombies could have been replaced by Terrorists and it would have changed fuck all about the plot. Well, here we could replace Vampires with Rival Gang, or Enemy in a war. It could be the exact same story and nothing would fundamentally change.
By Reed Alexanderabout a year ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Stop Motion' (2023). Content Warning.
So, there is a lot about this movie that is just brilliant. It's got great acting, great atmosphere, an interesting plot, it gets downright cerebral at time, and frankly the little stop motion segments are creepy as fuck. The problem is, this movie only really had enough material for a 45 minute short. It simply couldn't pull off feature length and there is A TON of padding. This movie had Gladiator moments. If you remember from the film Gladiator (2000), there were completely needless scenes that showcased an almost psychedelic expressionist internal turmoil of the main character who longed to return to his home. I call them "Gladiator Moments" a moment when the movie is padded with artsy nonsense for artsy nonsense sake. It's fucking annoying and distracts from the movie.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'A Quiet Place 2' (2020)
I have to admit, compared to the original, this movie is pretty forgettable. I'm not saying it's bad, and it is interesting to know what happens after the first film, there just isn't much to it. What's left of the Abbotts basically abandon their farm because it's no longer safe (and half wrecked). It suggests that once the invaders hear you, they can also narrow down your location from long distances. That means once you make enough noise, they'll never stop coming. That's a neat little filler that kinda ups the stakes and makes the invaders seem like more of a threat.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Barrens' (2012)
Okay, this movie could be done right. Yes, that means it's bad and don't waste your time. SPOILERS!!! The whole thing with the father having rabies is brilliant. What seems like a man having a slow nervous breakdown actually turns out to be a man suffering from delusions caused by rabies. Yeah, it's a bit of a stretch for the symptoms of rabies, but not far enough to be problematic. It makes for pretty good writing. This guy seems like he's just crazy and getting crazier, but there's actually a reason and it's not what you'd think. So, on the surface it's pretty smart, though slightly dull for a slasher. At some point it tries to play it off like there is a Jersy Devil killing people... will talk more about that later... but you figure out pretty quickly that it's really the father. This guy is losing his mind and just flat-out killing people. That's good storytelling. Yeah it's simple, yeah it's riding a horror cliche, but it's pretty smart.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of Alien: Covenant (2017)
So, in my review of Prometheus (2012), I mentioned that it was a terrible Alien (1979) origin story. It could have seriously been a good story all on its own, but it stepped into a franchise it had no business being a part of. Alien: Covenant (2017), was the origin story the franchise deserved. Sure, it had the same life-creating, spontaneously mutating, terraforming virus, but it honestly didn't even have to be directly linked to Prometheus. A scientific experiment, of alien origins, gone wrong, is already a great fucking plot. We didn't even need David from Prometheus to be a part of it, it could have been anything, including one of the "Navigator's" species biological research lab. You could have flat-out started from scratch and in no way linked it to Prometheus. Hell, they probably shouldn't have linked it to Prometheus, considering what a franchise letdown that turned out to be.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander FINALLY reviews the greatest movie of all time 'Alien' (1979)
You may know that I occasionally do spoof reviews. Like my review of Detective Heart of America: The Final Freedom (2015), where I jokingly explain why an intentionally bad movie is literally god's gift to cinema and modern culture. Here's the thing about my love for Alien (1979), I think it IS a gift to cinema and modern culture. No god required. I will die on the hill that this is the greatest movie of all time. Note, not the greatest horror movie, the greatest movie period. I love it that much.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'First Contact' (2016). Content Warning.
SPOILERS!!! Yes, that means it's bad. But can we talk about how dumb the Great Filter Theory has gotten? There is no mysterious dark force, there's no great cosmic entity, there's just intelligent life failing the test of civilization. Hell, WE humans, are failing the test of civilization. Between our inability to control viruses like COVID, or super drug-resistant bacteria and fungus, or record hot temperatures causing melting ice caps, rising sea levels, and desertification, or our underfunded space program that basically can't do shit about cosmic impacts, or our giant nuclear boners ready to pop at any moment because any number of world leaders got their fee fees hurt, take your fucking pic. WE might not be around long enough to explore the stars.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Late Night with the Devil (2024). Content Warning.
When I say this movie went all in on the 70's theme, I mean at the cost of the plot. Even the practical FX are something you would expect out of a 70's horror movie. Even weirder, the movie feels like watching an episode of The Price Is Right. This really makes the movie seem profoundly absurd. Here's the thing though, it's why the movie is so damn good... I mean, don't get me wrong, it's actually quite bad, but in a really good way.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Friday the 13th' the franchise.. Content Warning.
I'm gonna defend this fucking movie... Yes, this franchise eventually gave us Jason in Space (2002). But it's an old-fashioned slasher flick that really is underappreciated for what it was. Because the first in the series was actually well thought out, and even pretty solid by modern horror standards.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'From Beyond' (1986). Content Warning.
This movie is one shameless excuse to see Barbara Crampton with her tits out after the next. Not that I mind. She was and still is super fucking hot and for twelve-year-old Horror Head, little me, any excuse to see tiddie was all I needed. This movie is basically a single X porno. It's practically acted like a single X porno. But it was tentacle porn before tentacle porn came to America. Mind you, the earliest tentacle porn movie was 1985, so it'd be a while before it came to America. So this is the shit weirdos used to spank it too before hentai.
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Vamp' (1986)
Some of you might not be old enough to remember this, but there used to be a network on basic cable called USA. They had a schedule that started sometime after midnight called USA Up All Night. During this period they would play single X pornos that had been edited to just barely skim passed the censors for basic cable. They'd crop scenes to cut out the tiddies, or cut parts of the scene to cut out the tiddies. It was pretty awesome if you were a post-pubescent teen looking for a midnight wank. But you'd also get to see some pretty fun 'so bad it's good' horror that was basically a single X porno. And there was pretty much no other place for young kids to watch this shit because it would otherwise be behind the red curtain at the local video rental (the red curtain was to hide the room with the pornos rentals).
By Reed Alexander2 years ago in Horror
