Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Near Dark' (1987)

Okay, so it's a stretch to call Near Dark (1987) 'Horror.' Just because something has vampires in it, doesn't necessarily make it horror. I mean, True Romance (1993) has pretty much the same premise without vampires, and that's just an Action Romance. It's like my review of World War Z (2013). The Zombies could have been replaced by Terrorists and it would have changed fuck all about the plot. Well, here we could replace Vampires with Rival Gang, or Enemy in a war. It could be the exact same story and nothing would fundamentally change.

But hey, it's fucking vampires. The movie is horror adjacent and it is pretty fucking cool. We, as Horror Heads, fucking loved it. You ask any Horror Head into vampire movies about their top five, and this will be one of them. It's a classic and I think all of my horror family have a soft spot in their cold black heart for this movie. Almost 40 years later and angsty teens are still discovering this classic.

And you know why? Because I'll guaran-damn-tee that at least half of us Horror Heads also loved True Romance. There's something so special to us about someone proving their love with incredible violence. Especially some wet behind the ears, totally out of his element, hopeless romantic. We were all whiny teenagers at some point as well, and this kinda spoke to our angsty, hormonal, selves. Boy meets girl, girl is vampire, people die. Sure, it's the same derivative, boy meets girl from "the other side of the tracks." Every star crossed lover story is just the same old Romeo and Juliet, but vampires actually made it interesting and gave the concept new life. There is a real and brutal struggle not wanting to give up the woman of your dreams even if you have to give up your humanity. Like, the guy has to literally give up his whole life and everything he knows for this mysterious woman. Yeah, it's sappy that he does, but imagine being said angsty, hormonal, teenager just gobbling that shit up, while crying into a sleeveless t-shirt.

And you know what? The story was pretty good even if the premise is derivative. Some kid follows his hormones after seeing a mysterious girl when out on the town one night. The story is mostly about what he's prepared to do to keep this girl as his lover. Is he willing to kill? Because he's gonna have to do it a lot to stay alive as a vampire. It's all about what he's willing to give up for love, and that IS a compelling story.

The acting is also pretty solid. It's got the leftovers of Aliens (1986), so Lance Henriksen who played Bishop, Bill Paxton who played Hudson, and Jenette Goldstein who played Vasquez. Now Jesse, Severen, and Diamondback, respectively. They were, unfortunately, the best actors compared to the rest of the cast who were all pretty bad. But hey, they were good enough for horror, and that's all that matters. This movie wasn't destined to win any awards, anyway. Frankly, it was just good to see them getting regular work.

One fucking thing that stuck out, was the "Kid Vampire." That shit got pretty gross at times. Nobody needs to hear the perverted desires of a full-grown adult coming out of a ten-year-old. It was a bit much at times but it drove home its point and that has got to be some of the best kid acting I've ever seen.

The practical FX were marvelous for what was actually a pretty low-budget film. They kept it simple and simple worked. It didn't just work, it looked good. Things like busting into flames when in the sunlight and the explosions when they decided to step things up a notch. It looked every bit as good as The Terminator (1984). Bill Packston's makeup comes to mind as he progressively gets more fucked up as the movie progresses.

So yeah, if you haven't guessed by now, I'm recommending this movie... and True Romance while we're at it. I consider them both a "Must Watch." Especially if you're a Hardcore Horror Head or into Vampires.

No spoilers this time around. Sure this movie isn't perfect and if I wanted to be a dick I could get nitpicky, but it's a well-rounded movie and I'm not going to waste the effort. Just watch it.