Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Barrens' (2012)

Okay, this movie could be done right. Yes, that means it's bad and don't waste your time.

SPOILERS!!!

The whole thing with the father having rabies is brilliant. What seems like a man having a slow nervous breakdown actually turns out to be a man suffering from delusions caused by rabies. Yeah, it's a bit of a stretch for the symptoms of rabies, but not far enough to be problematic. It makes for pretty good writing. This guy seems like he's just crazy and getting crazier, but there's actually a reason and it's not what you'd think. So, on the surface it's pretty smart, though slightly dull for a slasher. At some point it tries to play it off like there is a Jersy Devil killing people... will talk more about that later... but you figure out pretty quickly that it's really the father. This guy is losing his mind and just flat-out killing people. That's good storytelling. Yeah it's simple, yeah it's riding a horror cliche, but it's pretty smart.

So, besides the ending -which I will get to later- if this movie was so smartly written, why did it suck? I think a part of it was the obviousness of it. Its initial 'twist' is that it's the dad killing people and not some Jersy Devil, but... duh. It's so obvious the dad is killing people that you pretty much know from the first disappearance. I mean, right out the gate this dude is clearly losing his mind, for what ever reason. It's so obvious that you genuinely want to believe it could be anything else just so it doesn't feel so dumb. So, trying to play it off like a twist feels pretty insulting to our intelligence as an audience.

But it's more than that. The plot seems so fucking forced. This guy out of nowhere just starts being a total asshole to everyone and his wife just keeps playing along. I would get it if there was a base level of abuse established, then it would make sense, but this dude was clearly a sweet guy at the beginning of the movie and then starts getting crazier as the movie progresses. For the mom, played by Allie MacDonald, it would have been the second time he acted up before she threw the kids in the car and left his ass stranded there. At least after he snoops through her cellphone and flat-out accuses her of cheating. Sadie is a self-respecting woman and just wouldn't put up with that shit. BUT EVEN if he could convince her to stay, there is absolutely NO fucking way he could have convinced her to camp deeper into the woods, especially after they got a specific warning by the park rangers not to. "Oh, my husbad is being a complete fucking psycho, yeah, let's prance deeper into isolation where the cops just told us not to go."

Seriously, just have the guy go psycho at the campground where everyone is. More people to kill, more victims, better horror movie. Our slasher dad kills two fucking people not including the two victims at the beginning of the movie. That's just... well that's just fucking lame.

The story about how he gets rabies is fucking DUMB. The family dog bites him (first of all, vaccinate your dogs, that's a horrible death no puppy deserves), and he just doesn't do anything about the wound. Mother fucker needed stitches, is clearly infected, and this guy has been trying to walk it off for the full gestation period, which is minimum, a couple days. So, for almost a week, this guy has just let a bite wound fester and hasn't said shit to anybody. They tried to play it off like he was just too sad to explain that he just killed the family dog to his son, but it's like... Why the fuck wouldn't you tell your wife?! Why wouldn't you get medical treatment?!

The acting was pretty good regardless of the fact that the plot was forced. Sadie's struggle for survival at the end of the movie is actually pretty gripping which is more than you'd expect from a shoe-stringer movie. I hope the cast gets work in the future. They're good enough to deserve recognition for their efforts.

Anyway, I might have almost recommended this movie because it's clearly low-budget and trying really hard, and I appreciate that... but then we get to the end. The Jersy Devil is real. No, no, no. It's clearly been the dad this whole time. Everything about your own plot, that you wrote, screams that it's been the dad this whole time. The Jersey Devil being real just makes the movie seem as cheap as the budget already was. It was hamfisted. The kind of thing I'd expect out of a B-Movie.

Because of that, I think anyone who watches this movie will be too embarrased to admit it. They almost had something there but just fucked it up.