Peanut TwoFace
Stories (2)
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“Fake Disorder Cringe”
ELLIS| At first it was simple. Make a few tik toks, tag it with #actuallyDID and #DIDsystem, and joyfully watch as fellow systems follow me and like my videos. Harmless, right? Wrong. Months go by and I gain around 1400 followers. Most, I suspect, were bots, but nonetheless a following. I truly did, at the beginning, believe in every system that came across my way. When I suddenly stopped being online so much and really interacted with people, those who I had things in common with and things different as well, I realized my horrible mistake. I had fallen into this trap of “everyone is valid” in terms of a serious trauma disorder. I had interacted with so, so many “endogenic” (originating without trauma) systems, who claimed their dissorder had spontaneously, or even worse intentionally, occurred. Now, let’s talk some science. Dissociative Identity Disorder is characterized as a CHILDHOOD TRAUMA RELATED DISORDER with a separation in identity, occurring from ages 6-9 I believe. So, when I was told that the system talking to me was endogenic, I believed it simply because “hey, maybe they don’t remember their trauma due to the amnesia present within the disorder”. But the things I started to see patterns in, such as high alter counts (not saying every large system is faking, there are cases such as Jeni Haynes you can research), large amounts of unrelated “fictives” (alters who have the identity of a pre-existing character), or false memories (dare I say unrelated to the body‘s trauma) being present within many of those fictives, led me to start being suspicious of the validity of their disorder. And, you can fight all you want in the comments, this is simply my experience as a person with DID.
By Peanut TwoFace4 years ago in Humans
Peanut Gallery
So, I guess it all started in 2019. I did end up finding out something significant because of my chronically online schedule. It all started when I started looking into the “DID community” via YouTube. I found an unnamed YouTuber, because I refuse to give them any more recognition, and I started questioning my whole life. What I found was that most of my life, I had been showing signs of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Now, hang in there, I know this must seem scattered, but I promise it all connects eventually. But back to my symptoms, the most prominent thing in my mind at the time was my unexplainable blackouts. I’d been having them since I was twelve, before I started using substances. I could recall them happening sporadically since I was five, getting rogressively worse as I grew older. The second most prominent thing in my mind was the fact that I heard voices that were not my own occassionally, previously I had thought it was normal and everyone experienced a conscious stream of thoughts that was mixed with your own but definitely weren’t your own thoughts, as they would talk back in response to your thoughts. Kind of complicated, I know. And finally, the third most prominent thing in my mind: I had extreme unexplainable gaps in my memory that had not been created through substances. It led me to think, “hey, maybe something IS wrong with me”. After watching many, many DID-related videos, I decided I’d try to call out and see if there was anybody in my head.
By Peanut TwoFace4 years ago in Psyche
