“Fake Disorder Cringe”

ELLIS|

At first it was simple. Make a few tik toks, tag it with #actuallyDID and #DIDsystem, and joyfully watch as fellow systems follow me and like my videos. Harmless, right? Wrong. Months go by and I gain around 1400 followers. Most, I suspect, were bots, but nonetheless a following. I truly did, at the beginning, believe in every system that came across my way. When I suddenly stopped being online so much and really interacted with people, those who I had things in common with and things different as well, I realized my horrible mistake. I had fallen into this trap of “everyone is valid” in terms of a serious trauma disorder. I had interacted with so, so many “endogenic” (originating without trauma) systems, who claimed their dissorder had spontaneously, or even worse intentionally, occurred. Now, let’s talk some science. Dissociative Identity Disorder is characterized as a CHILDHOOD TRAUMA RELATED DISORDER with a separation in identity, occurring from ages 6-9 I believe. So, when I was told that the system talking to me was endogenic, I believed it simply because “hey, maybe they don’t remember their trauma due to the amnesia present within the disorder”. But the things I started to see patterns in, such as high alter counts (not saying every large system is faking, there are cases such as Jeni Haynes you can research), large amounts of unrelated “fictives” (alters who have the identity of a pre-existing character), or false memories (dare I say unrelated to the body‘s trauma) being present within many of those fictives, led me to start being suspicious of the validity of their disorder. And, you can fight all you want in the comments, this is simply my experience as a person with DID.

EDEN |

Upon seeing this after a night out with our boyfriend, I think I will give my input on the “fake disorder cringe”. I think there’s a lot of confused, and not confused, children on TikTok. Some want to role play as “Dream SMP” characters, and some are lost in the void of an echo chamber where all you hear is the same opinions. It’s also different when you share things in common with these people who you perceive to be wrong in some way. For example, I’m, in our mind spaces, undead. (I promise this all leads to a point, it’s important) I walk and talk and think and feel but I have no heart. Literally. When our host was very young we almost died. It was severely traumatic and I to this day do not like talking about it in such blatant terms. The false memory—yeah, remember that term? False memory? Anyways, in my false memories I died via domestic violence. It left me cold and unmoving, but, I got back up. You know why? Because I can’t be hurt if I’m dead, and also alters cannot die unless the mind dies. So to speak. I can’t feel anything if I have no heart, so it was taken from me in that moment. I became invincible to our abuse, in a way. But, you see how that all kind of adds up? Everything is connected, I promise you that. People who fake this disorder could NEVER recreate the intricacy a child’s mind when it needs to survive. I hope this reaches someone, despite yelling into this piece like it was the void. The one that doesn’t stare back, that is.

Stein|

As an internal caretaker, I can say I literally do not care. I think it’s funny how people try and fake this. I got my own stuff to worry about, never mind other people.