Matty Long
Bio
Jack of all trades, master of … Vocal? Especially fond of movies, watching football, country music, travelling, beer, and pizza.
X: @eardstapa_
Achievements (1)
Stories (82)
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A Different League
I described Steve Bruce as a tragedy when the Newcastle takeover first looked to happen in 2020. Back then, I meant it as a sympathetic term; I genuinely did feel a bit sorry for him. But a lot has changed since then. When I surveyed Newcastle fans with the simple question "What do you think of Steve Bruce?" I received answers such as:
By Matty Long2 years ago in Chapters
A Different League
My research into sporting rivalries the world over isn’t great, and I’m sure many of you will point out many similar cases throughout both the UK and the world (the Old Firm for one), but Newcastle and Sunderland is one of those rivalries that massively transcends the football world. I believe it goes back to the English Civil War, where Royalist Newcastle had an advantage over parliamentary Sunderland. Some things never change. All my friends who don’t have any remote interest in football will still retch at the sound of a Mackem accent and are fully committed to the belief that it is a land of web-footed scum. But those people don’t have a platform to fuel their hatred, and I highly doubt are going into the streets to punch Mackems. Football, one might argue, provides that platform, but what does this rivalry look like in the world today, and is there something different to the North East derby than other derbies out there?
By Matty Long2 years ago in Chapters
A Different League. Top Story - January 2024.
I am a Newcastle United fan, through and through. I’ve never supported any other team, but there was a period in my life when I didn’t support any team, to be honest. I think as a kid the older I got I just lost interest when I realised I wasn’t actually very good at football (or any team sports, to be honest), and this just led to me to move away from watching it as well. I didn’t get back into it until about 2011/12ish, so you can’t accuse me of being a fan who suddenly regained interest post-takeover (mind I do remember some of those Pardew days quite fondly). No, I just started going to games again and it made me realise what football is really all about, especially in this city of Newcastle, which I also identify with very strongly despite not being your stereotypical Geordie. On the day my grandad offered me a spare ticket to my first game for years, it took about 5 seconds to remember everything beautiful about this game.
By Matty Long2 years ago in Chapters
The World According to Laurence Fox
I’ll level with you from the outset; I’ve never really liked Laurence Fox. Well, that’s a lie, as I always enjoyed his portrayal of Sgt Hathaway in Lewis. I wish he’d stuck to that sort of thing. Ever since his foray into politics with his car crash of an appearance on Question Time, he just hasn’t been my cup of tea. Which is interesting because he’s often put into a “camp” of sorts with people who I do have a lot of time for, i.e. those who believe in free speech, old-fashioned liberalism, challenging authorities/narratives, scepticism, disdain of all major political parties and how they’re so similar to each other etc. etc.
By Matty Long2 years ago in The Swamp
Is the “boyhood club” a myth?
Newcastle United won a multi record-breaking (8 different goalscorers) 8-0 at Sheffield United on Sunday. Two of the goals were scored by boyhood fans Sean Longstaff and Dan Burn. Another was scored by Anthony Gordon, who is fast-becoming a fan favourite among toon fans but is hated and despised by Everton fans, for the manner in which he left them, his own boyhood club. All this was also less than a week since Newcastle ended their 20 year Champions league absence with a visit to AC Milan at the San Siro, where the performance of Milan local boy, and former player, Sandro Tonali, was met with mixed reviews, after which he notably stated:
By Matty Long2 years ago in Cleats
French Onion Soup. First Place in 2023 Vocal Writing Awards - Flash Fiction.
He only cooks on their anniversary. And he always wants to get everything right; it must be perfect, because she is. Except right now he’s in the kitchen cursing, hoping she can’t hear. He’d forgotten to freeze the onions before chopping them (her old trick – stops your eyes watering), and he thinks he may have inadvertently wept into the soup, causing it to be too salty, which she won’t like.
By Matty Long2 years ago in Poets
Succession
Fantastic satire. Gripping cliffhangers to end seasons. Incredible performances (especially McFadyen and Braun). And one of those shows that manages to have an ending that feels both believable and satisfying. Best TV show ever? Nah, not quite Mad Men or The Sopranos. But then I thought Breaking Bad was overrated.
By Matty Long2 years ago in Critique
The Best UK Supermarket Pizzas
Let’s be honest, pizza is one of the most common favourite foods. Yet there is so much variety within it. Not just toppings, sizes, bases, meat or veggie, etc., but quality, country of origin and all sorts of extremely important factors. I’ve always loved pizza, and as a kid this would usually mean one of two things – a birthday tea at the local “Italian” restaurant (you know the type of restaurant I mean, where the ham and pineapple is never called “Hawaiian” but instead named after the restaurant), or a slice of shop pizza as part of a buffet, or where one pizza is shared between the whole family, but this is apparently acceptable because there is an accompaniment of salad. I tried to reason with my mam many times that at the restaurant I would have a whole pizza to myself and an accompaniment of curly fries but to no avail. As an adult, I now know and of course respect the pain she must have been going through and I don’t even have any kids yet. Anyhow, the shop-bought pizza was always disappointing anyway.
By Matty Long2 years ago in Feast
Paris: a short revue
My adventure to Paris began in what can only be described as a flurry of anxiety, as I discovered the night before I left that I had booked an airBnB (months previously) about two streets away from where a firefighter was killed in the recent riots. I won’t frame this one as budget travel advice because that level of anxiety is a high price to pay for being cheap. Anyhow, this anxiety was soon quashed by the appearance of a mad naked woman in the hallway of my apartment building (a story for another time). The actual journey began in a state of luxury as myself and my mam boarded a first class train to London where we would change to the Eurostar. We had no idea we had booked first class on our interrail passes, and annoyingly the seat I was sat in had no window, but I wasn’t complaining as I wolfed down a free full English breakfast and two cups of tea. Then the ticket inspector told us that we had booked first class tickets on our second class pass, and would have to move. He asked how much we had eaten and my mam informed him she had just had a cup of tea. I, and my stomach, stayed silent and wandered back to the main part of the train, where I found a nice seat with a window.
By Matty Long2 years ago in Wander
Unorthodoxford adventure
I can’t remember why I wanted to go to Oxford. To visit, that is. I knew I would never get into the university. It might be because I’m a fan of The Lord of the Rings and Inspector Morse, but I’m sure there was something more specific. Anyhow, I first tried to convince my friends to go with me (as the group in question had never been on holiday together) in 2020, and let’s just say I think they were fairly grateful when lockdown put a stop to that.
By Matty Long2 years ago in Wander
