JW

Joined January 2021

3 stories

Bio

Finding my way..

Stories (3)

Filter by community

Sort by (Optional)

Reset. Refocus.
2020 was a year I think most will agree will never be forgotten. For me, in 2020 I suffered a great loss. I'm hanging onto this rollercoaster through this journey of grief. It is a life altering experience. You almost don't know what to do or what significance your life still has. Depression takes over. You become lost within yourself. The sadness fills your world. You go through a series of emotions and you forget what is important. Anxiety takes control. Sleepless nights. Headaches of worry and fear. Frustration and anger. This is what I've been going through. No motivation to do anything. Pushing loved ones away. The disconnect from family. Wine for soothing. Overall health going downhill. Guilt for having an okay day or for almost seeming happy. I've gained so much weight from depression eating and drinking. Always feeling down.
By JW5 years ago in Motivation
Be that person.
I experienced a life altering loss in 2020. A loss that has changed me forever. As I learn how to adapt to this grieving process each day continues to have it's challenges. Right before the holidays one of my closest friends also experienced a great loss. As I witnessed her life too forever changed, I knew exactly what she was going through and the journey of grief to come. In life despite what we may be going through, you hope to have people there for you during your darkest days and in return you do the same for them. I was in the midst of my pain and I still had to be there for my friend as hers began. I attended the funeral and showed my support. Clenching back tears during the service was hard. Not only feeling sympathy for my friend and her family but a wave of emotions hit me because it was all too familiar. From that day I told her that I would be her shoulder to lean on if she needed, with a sense of relief that I'd have some one who understands what I've been going through. I would check up on her daily, send her prayers and uplifting quotes. Even though I was hurting internally, caring for others never stopped for me. I always had it in me to make sure the people I care for are okay. It's like a quote I read "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." I feel this is so true. No matter what your going through you genuinely still want to see others happy. Christmas was approaching and thinking about everyone else was always on my mind. I had my list of people who I felt the need to gift. My friend was at the top of the list. Of course I knew I wanted to give her something of sentimental value. I decided to order a custom made ornament that signified her loved one. I knew she would love and cherish it. I somehow found a sense of peace giving special gifts to the people I cared for. That was my thing. Not everyone experiences the holidays the same and it doesn't always bring happiness. My sadness deepened as Christmas approached. I was struggling and I knew others often do as well for many different reasons. I wanted to show kindness in any way I could. I wanted to support people in anyway I could. I decided all my gifts would be from small businesses. I knew how hard 2020 had been for small business and that one purchase can turn someone's circumstances right around. So I found small businesses through Facebook marketplace and got all my gifts. With COVID going on I knew that the Holidays can affect the seniors the most. I work part-time at a seniors building as a concierge, so I see first hand what some go through. With strict rules and regulations in place, a lot of the seniors could not have family visit them during Christmas. Many of them were all alone and stricken with sadness. I decided to show a kind gesture and gift a few with cookies. It wasn't much but they were appreciative. I also offered the ones in need to do personal shopping for them. I would purposely engage in conversation and crack jokes with some even if they weren't quite in the mood. It was an act to show them that they are thought of and they are not alone through this tough time. I knew how I felt during the holidays and still feel and I don't wish anyone to feel the same, so I will continue to due my part and give back wherever I can and continue to care for the people that matter the most. Life is too short and full of negativity, hardship, loneliness. You never truly know what any act of kindness small of big can change someone's whole world. Who knows that act could also be the road to healing from them!
By JW5 years ago in Motivation
Grief
Grief is like feeling trapped in a different realm of life. The feeling like being in two bodies at once. Getting on day by day with a supermodel smile but a feeling like your sinking internally. Like life is going on but you feel at a standstill inside. A feeling of nothingness. Grief is being surrounded by people but feeling a complete emptiness. Grief is wanting to be checked up on but feeling the lump in your throat when asked how are you. The feeling of having no one to talk to. No one to understand what is is your going through. Grief is bottling up your emotions because you don't want to burden others. Grief is the simplest of triggers that punch a whole in your heart all over again, like hearing a name. It's the restlessness and sleepless nights entangled in your thoughts. Grief is the last moments you remember that replay in your head like never ending nightmares. Grief is the feeling of wanting to curl up and not do or care about anything. Grief is feeling okay one moment and being struck with an avalanche of emotions out of nowhere. Grief makes you stalked by anxiety. The heart racing, the tightness in the chest, the difficult swallow and gasp for air followed by worry and fear. Grief is dreading the birthdays and holidays to come with unbearable sadness that deepens as time gets closer. Grief is wishing to turn back time, rewind and pause. Grief is asking yourself why?, what could I have done? (Differently or better). Its all the what ifs or could ofs. It's the memories you wish you had and the relationship you had longed for. Grief is people thinking you've overcome but your giving it absolutely everything you got not to fold. Grief is the intensifying growing ache as the time passes because the reality hits you harder and harder. It's getting out the house to escape your mind. Its the washroom escapes and the breakdowns in the shower. Grief causes you to detach from loved ones with a feeling to want to be alone. Its begging in prayer for your pain to be soothed. Grief is the story you wish you could rewrite. There are many stages to Grief and everyone experiences it differently. Grief makes you realize that there is no shortcut through it and there is no time frame for it to end. It is something that hits you once you experience a loss. It's an uncontrollable journey that you attempt to conquer as each day comes holding onto hope that healing will mend your shattered heart. It's hope for understanding and acceptance. It's hope that the brightest days will arise again and you will reunite with happiness.
By JW5 years ago in Longevity