2020 was a year I think most will agree will never be forgotten.
For me, in 2020 I suffered a great loss. I'm hanging onto this rollercoaster through this journey of grief. It is a life altering experience. You almost don't know what to do or what significance your life still has. Depression takes over. You become lost within yourself. The sadness fills your world. You go through a series of emotions and you forget what is important. Anxiety takes control. Sleepless nights. Headaches of worry and fear. Frustration and anger. This is what I've been going through. No motivation to do anything. Pushing loved ones away. The disconnect from family. Wine for soothing. Overall health going downhill. Guilt for having an okay day or for almost seeming happy. I've gained so much weight from depression eating and drinking. Always feeling down.
As I entered 2021 I knew I had a lot of changes to make. I know that sinking in my sorrow is me giving up and giving up isn't an option for me. This grief will ultimately affect my quality of life. I got to find healing. I decided I'm going to get Grief counseling. My kids deserve the better part of me and infact I think I deserve that for my self. Life is short, we don't know when our time will come but until then it's important to live the best way possible.
I started Manifesting. Thinking about what it is i want out of life and speaking it into existence. So I created a vision board, putting everything I see for my life on a board. If I want healing, i manifest and affirm that i am healed. I write it down, say it and repeat it. It gives me a sense of hope and purpose while creating positivity. If i feel overwhelmed I meditate. If I have a lot on my mind, I go for a walk. If my anxiety is triggered I light candles, take a bath and deep breathe.
A change is needed, it's an absolute must. I've decided to cut my drinking to once a week. I eat terribly, any and everything so I started meal planning. I plan to cut carbs out. I will prepare my meals for week ahead of time, which allows for no excuse to fall of track. I found some soca size (dance videos) online that I'm going to do in the comfort of my home. I have a shipment of weights and exercise equipment coming in. I realize that the outcome of my life is determined by self care. There is a quote I read "You will always be your greatest project". It is the truest words.
I took a leap and decided to bring my business idea to life and registered my business name. Something i had no desire or willingness to do just weeks ago. I will work on strengthening my relationships and holding the people dearest to me close. Any change i make i will first focus on it for 21 days. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, then it becomes apart of your lifestyle. 2020 opened my eyes and put life into perspective. Life is what you make it and i have two little people that count on me. Two people that i want to see grow up. It all starts with self care. If I decide to stay in my funk drowning in sadness and sorrow that is exactly what my life will be and nothing more. I have to want more for myself as hard as it may be. It's not an option. It is something i have to do.
Reset and Refocus.
About the Creator
JW
Finding my way..
Keep reading
More stories from JW and writers in Motivation and other communities.
Be that person.
I experienced a life altering loss in 2020. A loss that has changed me forever. As I learn how to adapt to this grieving process each day continues to have it's challenges. Right before the holidays one of my closest friends also experienced a great loss. As I witnessed her life too forever changed, I knew exactly what she was going through and the journey of grief to come. In life despite what we may be going through, you hope to have people there for you during your darkest days and in return you do the same for them. I was in the midst of my pain and I still had to be there for my friend as hers began. I attended the funeral and showed my support. Clenching back tears during the service was hard. Not only feeling sympathy for my friend and her family but a wave of emotions hit me because it was all too familiar. From that day I told her that I would be her shoulder to lean on if she needed, with a sense of relief that I'd have some one who understands what I've been going through. I would check up on her daily, send her prayers and uplifting quotes. Even though I was hurting internally, caring for others never stopped for me. I always had it in me to make sure the people I care for are okay. It's like a quote I read "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." I feel this is so true. No matter what your going through you genuinely still want to see others happy. Christmas was approaching and thinking about everyone else was always on my mind. I had my list of people who I felt the need to gift. My friend was at the top of the list. Of course I knew I wanted to give her something of sentimental value. I decided to order a custom made ornament that signified her loved one. I knew she would love and cherish it. I somehow found a sense of peace giving special gifts to the people I cared for. That was my thing. Not everyone experiences the holidays the same and it doesn't always bring happiness. My sadness deepened as Christmas approached. I was struggling and I knew others often do as well for many different reasons. I wanted to show kindness in any way I could. I wanted to support people in anyway I could. I decided all my gifts would be from small businesses. I knew how hard 2020 had been for small business and that one purchase can turn someone's circumstances right around. So I found small businesses through Facebook marketplace and got all my gifts. With COVID going on I knew that the Holidays can affect the seniors the most. I work part-time at a seniors building as a concierge, so I see first hand what some go through. With strict rules and regulations in place, a lot of the seniors could not have family visit them during Christmas. Many of them were all alone and stricken with sadness. I decided to show a kind gesture and gift a few with cookies. It wasn't much but they were appreciative. I also offered the ones in need to do personal shopping for them. I would purposely engage in conversation and crack jokes with some even if they weren't quite in the mood. It was an act to show them that they are thought of and they are not alone through this tough time. I knew how I felt during the holidays and still feel and I don't wish anyone to feel the same, so I will continue to due my part and give back wherever I can and continue to care for the people that matter the most. Life is too short and full of negativity, hardship, loneliness. You never truly know what any act of kindness small of big can change someone's whole world. Who knows that act could also be the road to healing from them!
By JW5 years ago in Motivation
Looking back: 2025 was a beast
It's difficult to know how to start this. I've suggested that it's been a tough one from my title and in many ways, it has; however, there is an argument that it's not been that extraordinary at all, merely this wonderful thing we call "life" with all its climaxes and pitfalls.
By Rachel Deeming22 days ago in Motivation
Trump’s Venezuela Raid Has Created Chaos — and That Is a Risk for China
Donald Trump’s decision to authorize a dramatic raid targeting Venezuela’s leadership has sent shockwaves far beyond Latin America. While the operation was framed by U.S. officials as a decisive strike against authoritarianism, its aftermath has plunged Venezuela into political, economic, and social chaos. That instability, analysts warn, is not only a regional concern—it poses a strategic risk for China, one of Venezuela’s most important international partners.
By Aarif Lashari7 days ago in Motivation
Bruce Lee and The God of War: Kuan Ti
It starts with love.. The Power to the God Of War and Wealth Walk into a Chinese restaurant (even in Oklahoma, USA), a Chinese police station, a kung fu martial arts studio or even a Chinese temple and you often see a red faced warrior holding a heavy quan-do (spear like weapon).
By WILD WAYNE : The Dragon King7 days ago in Chapters
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.