Jessica Richardson
Stories (5)
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I’m the reason he’s dead….
Dear Mom, I can’t sleep, I haven’t slept fully through the night in almost 4 years. But you know that already, you seem to always know everything one of your kids is going through. Usually you have some magic words of wisdom that makes everything seem a little less scary, a little less painful, magic words that conquer the monsters in our brains and fills our hearts with love and protection. Isn’t that what a mom is supposed to do? I know bc of you and how I grew up, I’ve tried to be that kind of mom to my own kids- I’m hoping I’m doing an ok job. I want them to alway know they can tell me anything and writhing and it doesn’t matter what time of the day it is. Us Richardsons have this weird habit of epiphanies showing up at around 2-4am when when the rest of the sane world is asleep. This time though I don’t think it’s anything I can share with you. This time the thoughts I have aren’t anything your magic words can fix. This time you might never talk to me again if I share this with you, and still I have to tell you bc it’s eating me up inside and my life is slowly unraveling. I thought this would be my secret that I took with me to the grave, that no one ever had to know about, that I could just swallow and go about the rest of my life But I’m not sleeping even more than before, I’m probably going to lose my job soon bc I can’t keep my eyes open during the day, but if I try to sleep at night I’m met with horrific nightmares of the last thing he said to me. Of the last choice I made, the choice that ruined our entire family. The choice that left blood in my hands that I cannot wash off. The blood red mark that will forever be all over my palms, engraved in my heart, burned into my soul. I killed my brother mom, I am the reason that he is dead. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner, I’m so sorry that I didn’t save his life.
By Jessica Richardson4 years ago in Families
Grief is so weird
Grief is so weird .... It has no boundaries and it has no consideration for anything going on in your life. It has the ability to make you feel incredibly strong for learning how to live with it, and then without warning it has the ability to bring you to your knees in utter pain and sorrow. I’ve said that the 2nd year has been the hardest so far without Donny, but what I didn’t share is how erratic the emotions are that have come with this part of my journey.
By Jessica Richardson6 years ago in Families
Outside the Touch of Time
“To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were, we know each other's hearts, we share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys....Brothers and sisters live outside the touch of time.” —Author unknown
By Jessica Richardson6 years ago in Families
Outside the Touch of Time
“To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were, we know each other's hearts, we share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys....Brothers and sisters live outside the touch of time.” —-Author Unknown
By Jessica Richardson6 years ago in Families
