Outside the Touch of Time

“To the outside world we all grow old.  But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were, we know each other's hearts, we share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys....Brothers and sisters live outside the touch of time.” —Author unknown

I wish I could tell everyone that it gets easier, but that just isn’t true. Time doesn’t always heal all wounds, and I’m not sure if it’s bc the longer I live without Donny, the more unnatural world feels. I worry I’ll forget his voice, his laughter, the way his cologne always greeted you first before you’d get the biggest hello hug. It feels like a lifetime since we had one of our heart to hearts and yet that moment when I received the news can still feel like it happened yesterday.

I think the first year of grief is about survival, and I believe year 2 is about endurance. I’ve heard that our brains initially try to protect us from that initial shock of grief but we eventually have to get back to real life, and acknowledge it all, even the raw pain. I can’t pinpoint that exact moment this past year where I crashed into the hard truth that he truly wasn’t coming back. I felt it in my bones, it shattered my already broken heart and as I looked around for solace or answers, I started to see how nothing will ever be the same again. Love endures death, I do believe that. But the loss of a significant loved one is something that is not gotten “over.” I’m not going to recover from this loss, I don’t think people recover from grief.  I think we all learn to live with it and accept that we are forever changed by it.  I’m not saying that I believe I’m destined to a life filled with misery, but I do think it’s true work. Everyday you make a conscious choice to wake up, and try to heal and grow with your grief. I believe our family can live our lives somehow with a deeper and more meaningful understanding of love after losing Donny, but It takes time to learn how to live life again. We will forever feel the loss, and it will never be OK, but time doesn’t stop for anyone, or for anyone’s pain.

For us this year, a new addition to the family was born, and brought a sense of hope, a sense of healing. It showed us that there are still things to be celebrated and a greater purpose for us all that makes us move forward. While it hurts to think there is a generation of Richardsons that will

never know first hand of Uncle Donny and all his craziness, it gives me the responsibility to tell my new nephew everything there is to know about his fathers big brother. The chance to see little pieces of Donny in Bradens smile, to relive the memories one day when we tell him our family stories. I can’t imagine any of us not remembering a soul, a personality so much larger than his short life, and I’ll never know why he had to leave us when he did. I’ll go crazy searching for that answer, and someone wise once told me....”Sometimes bad storms happen to good people, and there isn’t anything you can do to try and stop it. But you can either sit by and feel sorry for yourself that the weather is so bad, or you can get up and go dance in it and choose to see the beauty underneath the darkness.”

So this 4th July on the second anniversary of my brothers passing, the Richardson’s are choosing to dance regardless of the weather, unafraid of any storms. We love you Donny, and we miss you more than words can describe...but we know you are dancing along with us, leading the way.